Blind Monster
by JoleneMarselis
Summary: AU- By some miracle Thomas has survived the attack by his sister, but is left blind. He lives in darkness, haunted by his own wrongdoings of the past, knowing he can never atone for them.
1. Chapter 1

Thomas Sharpe knew he deserved this… this cage-like existence. Prison would have been too kind for him. No – he deserved this eternal night as penance for his deeds. Or lack thereof. Blind as he was, he saw his past clearer than ever. He had let his sister get away with murder, because... well, that was the one thing that was unclear to him. He should have stopped her but somehow he couldn't. She had been in so much pain all her life, at the hands of their parents. She had always protected him... taken care of him. It had never occurred to him to question her actions, or go against her will, even though her deeds had been gruesome and made his stomach turn, far before Edith ever helped him realise this. He had been weak, and this had led to the death of more innocent people than he liked to think about, including in the end, Lucille's. If he had forced her to get help, somewhere safe, somewhere that was not like the institution their heartless father had sent her, then maybe she could have, in time, become happy, rather than the hateful creature she had become.

This blind prison had put his life in a new light, and it was filled with regret for what could have been. So much harm had been done... harm that he could have stopped if had just stood up... If he was sure of one thing, it was that he deserved this punishment. When the village children called him a monster and threw stones at him, he knew it was but a small price for the hurt he had inflicted on others. He knew not what he looked like, but he was sure that, whatever it was, it was less frightening than the man who lived within.

The doctors had said it had been a miracle that he had survived the attack, but it was not. He simply had not deserved to die. He deserved to suffer. He deserved this black emptiness. Even though only one eye had been destroyed, the nerve of the other had been damaged, making him lose his sight completely. He had not fought it. He did not have it in him to fight. He never had. Maybe if had been stronger, all of this would never have happened. But he only had himself to blame.

Lucille... Poor Lucille. She had always protected him from harm, whether it was the corporal punishments of their father or the mental torture of their mother. Their parents had hated each other and, since they could not hurt each other without fearing retribution, they had redirected their anger towards their children, who were powerless against them. Lucille had gotten the brunt of it – unlike him, she had never backed down, no matter how much they punished her. He was the one who had been the weakling, hiding in cupboards for hours until the worst of their anger was over. Hiding, being unobtrusive, trying not to be offensive or noticed in any way... his childhood had been one of invisibility, until his parents had sent him away when Lucille went to the asylum.

He missed her, even though he knew it was wrong. But for all those years, they had only had each other to love. He now knew they had gone too far... Part of him had always known, but he had been so hungry for love, just like Lucille had been. He should have stopped her. But when the only other touch you knew was pain, a touch that was pleasurable was quite intoxicating. All she had done was try to protect him and love him – but somehow it had all gotten perverted.

He had not fought her when she first revealed her plans... it hadn't sounded too bad. Marriage often was not much more than a mutually beneficial arrangement this day and age, so to find a rich heiress that could help them save the house and fund his inventions sounded like a plan. The girl had been nice enough, not at all like their mother. The fonder he became of her though, the more jealous his sister became. Lucille started poisoning his mind: according to her, his wife had taken lovers to her bed and they had given her syphilis. He saw his wife growing weaker and more ill, but by then he no longer cared for her. Her death had been a relief. Soon he had found a new wife. It had no been until his second marriage started falling apart and his wife started to show the same symptoms as his first that he realised that his sister had been poisoning his wives as well as his mind.

At that point, he had confronted her, but somehow she had convinced him that this was the only way and they could not turn back now. From there on... well... he only had himself to blame. He could have saved them all, but instead he had stood back and did nothing. Like always.

The blindness had given him much time to think. There was little else to do, now that he had lost sight in both eyes. Edith had been very generous. She had wanted a divorce, which he had granted without question. Who could be married to someone weak like him? The marriage had been unbound on the grounds that it was never consumed, which was untrue; but, as they both swore to it, who was ever going to check? He hoped she had found happiness now, perhaps with Alan. She deserved it. He had not heard from her in five years now.

Edith had taken care of him though. As he had been unconscious for a month, she had kept him free from prosecution. By the time he had woken up, it had all been arranged and he was free to go. It seemed unfair to pin it all on his sister – he wanted to do his penance – but Edith had said he had suffered enough. Again, he had been weak. He should have insisted.

That was why he was in his own prison now. He had asked Edith to take care of Allerdale Hall – sell it, burn it to the ground – he did not care – he could not imagine anyone wanting to live in that house of horrors. She had turned it into a quarry that was being mined by the machine he had invented. It had made a pretty sum of money. At first, he had insisted that she take it all. He did not care for the money and he certainly did not feel like he deserved it. To be a blind beggar on the streets, living in the gutter, seemed much more befitting.

Edith wouldn't hear of it, though. She had bought him a small cottage in a rural area and found him a nurse who could see to his everyday needs. Solitude, that was to be his confinement. Edith had meant well, though. The scandal of what happened had reached all the papers – everyone knew of the terrible Sharpes. There really weren't many places left where his name would be unrecognised and, after that, his scars would confirm the rest of the story.

So that was it – he was cast to the edge of society, where no one would pester him, except the young lads from the village; every now and again, they would challenge each other to sneak into the house of the weird man that lived atop the hill. Dark stories were told at night by the fire about what had happened to the lone man to land him in such a position, but none were darker than the truth.

Although, he was not completely alone the nurse, Mrs Allsop, lived with him. She was a taciturn woman. He suspected she knew his history and despised him for it, for there was something rough in her treatment, but he was fine with that. It added to his punishment. His days consisted of sitting in darkness, one day sliding into the next. She would feed him and clothe him but otherwise leave him alone. He did not venture out; the yard was as far as he came for his exercise, just so he would not completely lose his mobility. He could not wait till the day he wasted away into oblivion, just like he had never had been. Maybe by then, all would be right with the world again.


	2. Chapter 2

He could still see in his dreams... not that that was much of a relief. They were filled with death and haunting. His sister, his three wives, his mother... Sometimes he'd even dream Edith had died, and she would look at him with such hatred in her eyes. Then she would turn into Lucille and gauge his eyes out, but strangely enough he could still see as she fell down with her skull all caved in. He'd wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Come morning, Mrs Allsop would complain about his screaming but she would never come in at night to comfort him. Not that he deserved comfort.

Daytime was no better. He was dressed with the help of the nurse, fed his oatmeal with a spoon and then sat in his chair, where he would spend most of the day. Whenever he got up to stretch his legs, she would shout at him, telling him it was far to dangerous for a blind man to be running around on his own, and that she would not nurse him if he was to fall and break something. Not that she ever took him out on her own accord. So he sat, and listened at the sounds the house made... the creaking of the wood... the bustling of Mrs Allsop as she went about her daily chores in the house. A few times a week, a merchant would call with supplies. Thomas would listen to them talk... the merchant talking about the weather and the affairs of the village, Mrs Allsop complaining about everything – especially him. He did not want to be a bother to her, but he couldn't help being dependent on her. So he remained quiet, bothering her as little as possible, spending his days in isolation and contemplation... one day sliding into the next until it was hard to tell what day it was.

All he knew was that it was spring now, but this was more clear by the fact that the faint smell of flowers was coming through the window than that he actually knew the date. The day of the week was a mystery to him – he tried to remember when it had last been Sunday, the day Mrs Allsop went to church and left him on his own for a few hours. The one day he could sneak outside and sit on the bench at the front door, listening to the sounds of nature around him. It was his guilty pleasure – the only one he allowed himself in this morose existence. He realised though that she had not been to church in at least a week, although he was not sure how many days had passed.

He wondered what was wrong – no matter what happened, that woman usually went to churchbeing of a very devout disposition. Well except for the swearing. To make up for this she went out of her way to threaten him with hell and brimstone. He didn't fear Satan...If he even existed he could not possibly be worse than his parents. Still it was best for everyone not to antagonise her.

By the sound of, it she was doing something, God knows what, upstairs. He had never been there, not in the five years he lived here. He had hardly even visited the other rooms downstairs. His life consisted of this one room – of which he knew every inch. His bed was here, as well as his chair.

She did not allow him to be in any other. It was like he was a little boy again. But it didn't matter. Society was not for him, it never had been. If mrs Allsop only knew his days were spent atoning for the sins of the past, then she would have known there was no need threatening him. He already was in hell, and it was dark and lonely.

There were days that he wondered if he maybe already died, and this perhaps was limbo, since not even God knew what to do with him. He would wonder whether or not Lucille had gone to hell. He hoped god was merciful, because no matter what she had done, she did not belong there. She had been confused and in pain for most of her life until had driven her insane, but it not her fault. If she was in hell, and he was not, he hoped he could take her place. At those moments he would pray, to the utter confusion of mrs Allsop. Yes, he was sure she knew who he was, and thought him the devil incarnate.

Other days he wished the ghosts of the past would come to haunt him. Edith saw them... why couldn't he? After all, they were his family. His mother, his sister... even his father... why had they forsaken him? He wished for their presence, even if they were only there to taunt him. Anything but this loneliness.

Once he believed he had heard his sister whisper his name. But it seemed that the harder he tried the further away he was. Maybe they did not exist after all, and after death there was just a big black vacuum, much like the one he was living in now. Maybe Edith was delusional as well, just not in a malicious way.

"Time for lunch, Master Sharpe," Mrs Allsop rasped, coughing, Interrupting his thoughts. She dropped a plate unceremoniously beside him. He reached for the spoon that had hit his hand, but was slapped away. "I don't think so! I am not washing your clothes just because you got goop all over yourself."

She started jabbing the spoon in his mouth at a rate that barely left him time to swallow, getting her chore done as quick as possible. The food was bland and being fed was humiliating, but that was how it was. Another few hours, and she would undress him, put him in bed... and another day would have disappeared in oblivion.

Mrs Allsop coughed again. Her cough was getting worse, he decided – he had heard it get gradually more chesty over the past few hoped whatever she had, didn't rub off on him, there was nothing worse than being sick in this prison of a body, with no distraction from his illness.

"Madam, if you need a doctor I am sure I can manage a few hours on my own I think," he remarked.

"I'm fine!" she rasped, coughing even more,andhe screeched, muttering swear words about him under her breath. He heard every word, his sense of hearing having become heightened over the past years.

He tried again, not just for her health, but also because her short absence would give him some much-needed freedom. "I don't think you should neglect this, Mrs Allsop."

"Stop sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong, you blind bat." This time she did not even try to cover up her insults. "There is nothing wrong with me, do you hear me?" Grabbing his ear, she pinched it so hard he winced in pain.

Protecting his ears from more of her malice and huddling into a small ball, he heard her leave the room. Fine, hopefully she would die of that damn cough, so he would be rid of her altogether.

* * *

Yay, reviews, I love reviews!

Duelladent: You hit the nail on the head, he is lost... And far from found, but that is why I love him.

knightphoenix2: Thomas has never been bad, just weak. And Edith saw that in my view. She loves him, but he is not the man she thought she married.


	3. Chapter 3

Something was wrong this morning. Mrs Allsop had not woken him like she always did, and he was pretty sure it was morning by now. It was not easy to tell time when it was always dark, no matter what time of day it was, but he had not had any dreams tonight, and he had the feeling that at least eight hours had passed since he had gone to bed. Just to be sure not to invoke Mrs Allsop's wrath, he had closed his eyes five times already, trying to get some more sleep just in case... but sleep wouldn't come, and he was wide awake now.

He wasn't sure what to do. If she found him out of bed in the middle of the night, she would surely get mad... but he couldn't just stay here forever. Furthermore, his stomach had started growling, a sure sign it was no longer night. He made his way to the window and opened it. Birds were singing and the air was pleasantly warm. It was day – it had to be.

He started making a bit more noise. Surely, if Mrs Allsop was awake, she would have come and found him by now. She would probably bite his ear off for getting out of the bed himself, but that was fine. After all, he couldn't just stay here in his nightshirt, could he? The house was absolutely quiet though – even the wood had stopped creaking, it seemed. Feeling his way to the door he opened it. "Mrs Allsop, are you there?"

Nothing.

Crossing the landing, he made his way to the kitchen. He had only been there a few times, so he crashed into pots and pans, making enough noise to wake the dead. No Mrs Allsop, though. The stove was cold and so was the hearth. Finding his way to the pantry, he stumbled upon some cheese, which he ate to settle his growling stomach. He hadn't even know they had cheese.

Back in the hall, he opened the door to call out, before realising he was still not really dressed. The wind lifted up the hem of his nightshirt, and he felt the breeze caress his bare bottom. There was no answer here, either – so, embarrassed, he quickly closed the door. It wasn't likely anyone was out there, but still... he had so little decorum left, having to be dependent on others. The idea of exposing himself to the world was not a pleasant one.

He went back to his room, found the antechamber where his clothes and other belongings that had long since lost their meaning were kept and, with a bit of difficulty, found a pair of pants which he put on, tucking his nightshirt in as well as he could. At least he would be semi-decent now, as his search continued to rooms he had never visited before. Most of the shelves here were full of dust – he could feel it on hi fingers. Mrs Allsop clearly only came here to get his clothes now and again.

He remembered that her bedroom was upstairs, but the hall he was in had no stairs. He remembered where the sound of her going up came from, though. Making his way there, he found a door. Going though it, he could then feel a balustrade and stairs. A bit nervous, he started climbing the stairs, step by step. It was a spiral staircase – the steps wound around tightly and seemed very steep – or maybe it was just the fact that he hadn't climbed any stairs since leaving Allerdale Hall.

At the top, he took a break. He tried to memorize where the staircase was were so he wouldn't fall down it later. Next, following the wall, he started exploring the rooms. There was a lot of furniture up here which he kept bumping into. He called out for Mrs Allsop again, with no answer. He hadn't expected one though – the rooms were too quiet.

He crashed into a desk and things spilled to the floor with a loud clinking sound – the kind of sound coins made when they fell on the floor. He bent down and felt his way around. It felt like money, too – and there was a lot of it – on the desk, and on the floor. What was Mrs Allsop doing with all this? It seemed a lot for the daily expenses they had.

He moved on though to what felt like the bed... And there she was. It was her hand he found first, and he shook it. "Mrs Allsop! Wake up! Mrs Allsop!" The hand was stone cold, though – and stiff. He felt her face – her mouth was open and so were her eyes. Panicked he started to back away, tumbling over several chairs. He needed to get help... But how? He had no idea in which direction the village was. Either way, it was too late – the woman he had depended on was clearly dead. He was – truly – all alone now.

Strangely it didn't frighten him. He found his way back downstairs, back to his room where he sat down and thought. Practically. He needed to come up with a plan or he was gonna starve to death.

No wait, that was impossible. Mrs Allsop did not go to the village for groveries much, almost everything was delivered here. So one of these people was bound to visit him soon, all he needed to do was wait for the doorbell to ring. After all it could only be a matter of days, and the pantry he had been in earlier had been well stocked.

Carefully he made his way back to the pantry. Most of the food he found needed to be cooked, and with the stove out, he had no idea how to turn it back on. Finally he found a basket of apples. Grabbing one, he went outside, sitting himself down in front of his door. Anyone passing by had to see him, and then he could ask for help. Even those boys that liked to pester him would do at this point.

It was a fine spring day, and he could feel the sun on his skin. The birds were singing to their heart's content, and bees buzzed around his head to get to the sweet smelling flowers around him. It felt glorious, such a shrill contrast to the woman laying dead in the attack.

He wondered if they would blame him? He had a reputation, and surely once this became a police matter it would all be dug up again. Would he have to move again? Would they throw him in jail this time? Convicted for the one death that was not his fault. It seemed poetic justice. Chewing his apple he waited on what was to come.

* * *

Knightphoenix2: The man Edith married does not exist. They therefor don't belong together. So it's only fair he divorced her.

Guest: I love your theory of innocence. I think we can have a blindspot when it comes to those we love. It's not like we do't know, just admiting the truth is too painful. Because you need need to betray them. So it easier to live in the illusion. I think that was Thomas problem, to admit his sister was mad meant having to act, and condemn her to a fate worse than death. So he closed his eyes to that which he could not face.

Guest2: It's Thomas who feels he should suffer. I would disagree personally. Letting her die was my pleasure *she said cackling like Lucille*

Princess PrettyPants : only temporary

LadyBookworm80 : I have said this before where it considers Tom Hiddleston, and I think it applies here as well. Get in line! LOL But well... help is on it's way

megumisakura: Thank you


	4. Chapter 4

It took three days before Thomas was found. By the end of the second day, he had managed to turn the stove back on without setting fire to himself. After all, he reminded himself, he had been an engineer when he could still see. Getting a stove to work was a breeze compared to assembling a steam engine. So, he had sought what he had needed and, with a bit of difficulty, got a match to light. After that, he had peeled and boiled himself some potatoes. It filled him with a sense of pride to be able to do something for himself. He was almost happy Mrs Allsop had died and so was no longer there to tell him off. And then he remembered his wish the night before she had died. Had he wished her to death? It filled him with disgust about himself. He had wanted her to die, wanted to be rid of her. And now she was – another victim of his selfishness. It was enough to make him toss his hard-made dinner across the table with a scream. He really was a monster, after all.

The next morning, he had been woken by the ring of the doorbell. He had hurried outside quickly. His appearance must have been shocking, because the poor coal delivery boy stammered over his words even before Thomas had said anything.

Thomas had needed his help though, so he started telling the boy what had happened. This only resulted in frightening the boy more, especially when he told him Mrs Allsop was dead. Getting back on his cart, the boy rushed out of there, leaving a bewildered Thomas who felt help might never come.

He was wrong, though. An hour later, the village descended... They had left their pitch forks at home... for now... but the situation certainly was not cosy.

A group of men approached him – he could hear them, but none spoke. Finally, one had been pushed forward. "What's going on 'ere?" a coarse voice asked.

Thomas explained the situation. After that, they had followed him into the house, up the stairs. There was a definite odour of death up here now, Thomas could tell. The men had gasped – they were probably looking at the body – and, for a moment, he thought they would turn on him, lock him up in prison or worse. Instead, he got sidelined. The same man that had first spoken to him took him back downstairs, saying it would be safer if he stayed out of the way, in a most threatening way.

Thomas had not objected... Had he ever, really? His cowardice resurfaced; he locked himself up in his room, the only room he had a key for, and waited while he cursed himself.

But really, what else could he have done? As a blind man, he could not even see his opposition, let alone fight it. Mrs Allsop was already dead, so they couldn't hurt her any more.

So, he let them. He let them roam free through his house whilst he sat huddled against the door, afraid they would break through. They made a lot of noise. Furniture was moved, broken even, by the sound of it. They cursed and they fought. He heard his name, followed by a lot of laughter. They knew exactly how weak he was and took advantage. He had no idea what they were doing exactly, but it sounded like a lot more than moving the body and taking it away.

By nightfall, they were gone. And so were several kitchen chairs. He checked upstairs. The money that had been there was gone, but the body was not. The smell was becoming putrid, especially to his hypersensitive nose. He had left quickly, hiding back in his room. His nightmares that night had been worse than ever before.

The next day, the women of the village came. They had seemed nice, making him the first decent breakfast in four days. The coroner came and took the body away. But the women had whispered... about guilt... about his ghastly appearance... about evil things. He heard how they planned to rob him, somehow thinking he was deaf as well as blind. The longer he sat there at the kitchen table, the bolder they became, until he finally slammed his fist on the table. The room fell into a deathly silence. Frightened by his own aggression, he fled to the one place he felt safe and bolted the room.

The women had seen their chance, grabbing everything they could get their hands on and left. Later that day as he went to check, most of the cutlery was gone, as well as pots and pans. He didn't check upstairs. What did it matter? He was alone. They would come back every day to rob him further until there was nothing left, and no one would come to help him. Closing the door of his room, he laid down on his bed. If only he knew where the house keys were.

He woke up several times that night, not sure of what he had dreamt but with a heart that was racing. The house seemed to whisper... the wood creaked... there were scratching sounds on the floor. Was it real, or was he finally losing his mind? Maybe he was becoming like his sister after all. His only solace was that he wasn't likely to harm anyone in his state.

In the morning, all was calm again. The birds sang. He decided to get out. Leave. For good. If they were gonna take everything, he would not be here. But first, he needed some provisions, which meant seeing if those women had left any,

Touching the walls, he made it there... and stumbled over something that yelped. What the hell...

"Pilot, it's ok. Good folk," a gentle female voice said. "Hello... Mr Sharpe? My name is Janey Peregrine, I arrived late last night. "

They were already here. He tried to make a hasty retreat to his room, but the lack of food made him unsteady on his feet, and his head spun. "Who are you? Are you from the village? I don't need any more of your help. I had enough!"

"No, no! I just arrived last night. I'm from the agency. They sent me once they got word of what happened. I came as quick as I can but, it is still a day of travelling to come here from London," she explained.

He didn't believe it. It sounded like another lie. "Leave."

"I'm sorry, Mr Sharpe, but you look like you need my help. Why don't you tell me what is wrong?"

Was she that stupid? He was the one who was blind... surely, she did not have such an excuse. Perhaps she was just humoring him.

"Everything... Don't you see? They took everything. And now you will try to take what little I have got left. But I won't have it. Go!" he said in as threatening a manner as he could master.

It didn't work... and really, why would it? She was not a school kid scared of the blind monster in the lonely cottage. She didn't sound like she was easily frightened. And she did not sound naive."I promise I am here to help you. Why don't I make you something to eat?" she spoke firmly.

"No! Just leave," he made one last desperate attempt. He was starting to sound more feeble already. Weariness was setting in. A new Mrs Allsop. No more freedom. He hadn't realized he had missed it so much that he had even considered becoming a beggar.

"I can't do that, sir. I'm hired to take care of you. Why don't you sit down and I'll make you some soup." And that was it. Thomas resigned himself to his fate. Why... why hadn't he just died?

* * *

marissa-chihero67: thank you

megumisakura: It will get bettr


	5. Chapter 5

Mrs Allsop had been a terrible nurse – that was Janey's first conclusion – and Mr Sharpe had been seriously neglected. Janey had arrived the night before and had slept at the kitchen table, so her back was as hard as a board this morning. It had been a hard journey – she had done the last few miles on foot in the dark, as none of the villager had wanted to take her, not even for money. So, she went on, with a carpet bag containing all her worldly belongings in one hand, and a lantern in the other. Pilot followed her dutifully, like the big loyal dog that he was. She felt safe with him around. He would always protect her, no matter what. Dogs were so much better than humans in that respect.

Luckily, it was the only cottage on the end of this road, and it was a moonlit night, so she found it fairly easily. Shining the light through the window, she had seen him lay asleep in his bed and had decided against calling out to him. She knew from experience blind people were easily spooked. The front door was open, so she had found her way into the kitchen, where she had fallen asleep on the kitchen table.

She now understood why the villagers had not helped her. At daybreak, she had gone to explore. The house looked ransacked, although some of the deterioration dated far beyond the five days this man had been alone. The house was dusty and dirty, except for the rooms upstairs. They had been stripped of most of their belongings, except the bed that the woman had died in. It was eerie... the forgotten pillow, the dent of where once somebody had lain...

There were more dents in the carpet, and outlines on the wall where the sun had not been able to bleach the wallpaper – these made it clear a lot of furniture had once been here, but it was gone now. It was a huge space up here, spanning the width of almost the entire house, divided into two rooms and a balcony. Thomas's room downstairs was tiny in comparison, from what she had been able to make out through the window the night before. Peaking through the window again this morning, she had found him still sleeping. The room had been locked. Poor man – he had to be exhausted, fending for himself.

She didn't understand why he had agreed to this arrangement, though. He was the master of this house, blind or not. He didn't strike her as scared or weak when he had spoken to her, even though Edith had insisted that he was.

Edith Cushing was the reason Janey was here. Four years ago, they had struck an unlikely friendship – the writer and the working class girl. Janey had gone to Miss Cushing's book signing, together with Mrs Withington, her charge at the time, who was a blind woman of 86 and whose health had already started to deteriorate. The woman had been adamant on going though – she had loved Miss Cushing's books, all read to her by Janey, and wanted nothing more than to hear the author's voice. Janey had been happy to go along.

Miss Cushing had been lovely, and seeing that the woman Janey was accompanying was blind, had given them front row seats so Mrs Withington could hear every word. Afterwards, Miss Cushing had taken Janey and the old lady out for tea. She had been so kind and candid with them, like a breath of fresh air. She didn't treat Mrs Withington like an invalid either, which was much to her credit. Most people seemed to think blind people were deaf and stupid as well, but not Edith. They had such a wonderful conversation that by the end it felt like they were friends, the three of them.

After that, a correspondence started. Mrs Withington had dictated a letter to Janey to thank Edith, and to her surprise the – by this point – famous writer had taken time to reply in a lengthy and very amusing letter. Janey felt moved that somebody like her would take time out to reply to an old lady; so, the next time Mrs Withington sent a letter, Janey had added in one of her own.

And from there on, it had continued. Edith 's letters were a treat in the Withington household, and she replied to Janey's and Mrs Withington's letters separately. Sometimes, Janey would share her letter with Mrs Withington, but as her friendship with Edith continued, sometimes the letters were just too intimate to share. It felt good to have a friend her own age to share things with. Despite their differences in class, the women were very alike.

Mrs Withington's death six months ago had been an extreme blow to Janey. Not only had she lost a friend – for indeed, Mrs Withington had been one of the nicest employers she had ever had – but also her home. All she got was a small severance pay... And Pilot, the poor dog. Nobody in Mrs Withington's family had wanted the beast, and he had been about to be put down. Janey wouldn't have it – Pilot was smart and he was sweet, and her link to her former employer.

It had not been easy finding lodgings that would take her and the dog, and finding work had proven even more difficult. Edith, sweet as she was, had immediately offered to help, but there was little she could do to help her friend from across the pond, except send money, and Janey refused to be a charity case.

Things had started to look bleak though, when Janey had reached the bottom of her savings. Then, two days ago, a telegram had come from Edith, asking for her help. Thomas's nurse had suddenly died – Edith had just gotten word from an acquaintance in the village that kept an eye on Thomas. Through the years, Edith had told her everything about her life, including her marriage to Thomas Sharpe and the disaster that had followed.. Janey had told her about the hardships in her life in return. These were the letters she did not share with Mrs Withington. Edith felt like a sister to Janey, and Janey would not betray Edith's secrets.

The request had surprised Janey, though. Edith knew all about Janey's trouble with the male gender. The telegram therefore also seemed to stress the fact that Thomas was absolutely not dangerous. Janey could hear her friend's desperation. Besides, Janey was pretty desperate herself at that point – by the end of next week she would probably be out on the streets anyway. So, she went.

And now here she was, sitting at the kitchen table, looking across at the man she was to work for. He looked unkempt – his hair and beard were long and tangled. Not what you would expect to happen over the course of a week. How long had he lived like this? And why had no one done anything about it? She was going to have to inform Edith. The stuff that had been stolen was not coming back. Janey would need accommodation as well – she was NOT sleeping in the bed of a dead woman. As soon as she had fed Thomas and gotten him clean and presentable, she was going to send a telegram to Edith.


	6. Chapter 6

She had helped him to the table ever so gently and given him a spoon, so she obviously trusted him to eat by himself. Her food tasted great, even though, with the kitchen plundered, he was sure there wasn't much left in the pantry. Her voice sounded nice, and her words were pleasant... Something wet was bumping against his hand that made him disoriented. He dropped his spoon... What the...

"Pilot! Bad dog! You know you can't do that. Sit! And stay!" Janey scolded.

She had sounded fierce. For a split second, he thought she had spoken to him, and he had involuntarily cringed. Bad memories resurfaced. He heard his mother's voice and didn't dare to move.

Janey gently patted his shoulder as she gave him a clean spoon."Sorry about that. Pilot knows better. He used to be a companion to a blind lady. My former employer, Lady Worthington. He hasn't been the same since her death though. Neither of us are... But he is a great dog. Big dog, too."

"Dog? You brought a dog?" He didn't like dogs... Not after that mutt. More memories resurfaced.

"Yes. I had been assured it was ok. He is very gentle but large. Come Pilot. Come say hello to Mr Sharpe... He will probably lay his head in your lap. It's what he has learned to do. You don't have to be scared," she reassured him.

"I'm not." His quiver betrayed him, though. He didn't like dogs. Suddenly, a weight fell into his lap.

"Stroke his head," Janey encouraged.

"I can't. I might hurt him. I might poke his eye out."

"He is used to blind people. If you are worried, look away in the distance. He thinks you can see because you look at him. You're not blind that long, are you? You still look at the sound, even though you can't see."

"Five years." Five years of nothing but darkness. It felt a lifetime. But, then again, he had spent a lifetime in darkness. Only, in the past few years, he couldn't actually see as well. He carefully stroked the dog's head carefully. "He's massive. Are you sure he's not a lion?"

"Quite sure – he is harmless. You tripped over his tail when you came in, you know, and he hardly whimpered. But he can guard us with the proper commands." The dog started to grunt. "No, Pilot. Down." A small whimper and dog laid his head back in Thomas' lap. "As you see... Sorry, hear... He is very smart, and listens well. With him around, neither of us have anything to fear. "

"He won't attack me?"

"No... Well, unless you plan on attacking me. I was almost robbed once... That was, until Pilot came out of nowhere, and grabbed the man's arm..."she said, lovingly. "And that is why I love you, don't I, boy?"

The last bit was obviously said to the dog, and not to him. The dog's head was now off his lap and probably showering his mistress with attention, since his tail was wagging against Thomas' leg.

"Do you think the villagers will be back?" she asked.

"I don't know. They might be if they think there is anything more they can take away. I wish I had a key for the doors. All I have is the one for my room," Thomas sighed

"I think I will have to go to the village this afternoon to get provisions. I'll see if I can find a locksmith whilst I am there. It's better if that front door is secure – the villagers were not exactly friendly to me upon my arrival. Do you want me to leave Pilot here to keep the place safe? Usually one look at him is enough to keep anyone at bay."

"No... Best if you take him with him. You are new here, and they might take advantage of you, otherwise." Besides, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone with the huge beast.

"Don't worry, I'm not that easily fooled. Now, did you enjoy breakfast?" she said cheerfully as he had finished.

"Yes. Very much so. Thank you." She had no idea how much. No idea of Mrs Allsop's treatment of him.

"Then I think it's time we get you cleaned up. I hope you don't mind me saying, but you are looking a bit unkempt." It didn't sound like an insult, just an observation.

And she was right. He looked like a downright monster, he was sure. Whether cleaning him up was going to help though... There was not enough soap in the world to clean his soul, that was for sure.

"I apologise..."

She interrupted him immediately. "No need, I am sure the last few days were a harrowing experience, and getting a bath was not a priority. But what would you say if I start running you one now and I cut your hair whilst we wait for the water to boil?"

They had a bath? Mrs Allsop had occasionally brushed him off with a rough cloth and that was it. He realised he had to smell awful, where Janey... smelled of jasmine as she brushed past him, clearing the table.

"I'll put the bath in the hallway if you don't mind. Easier to drain."

"That's fine." He was not going to make a fuss.

"Alright, water is getting to the boil. If you could come with me and sit on the chair in the middle of the clearing, then I can get to you from all sides and not cut your ears off." She grabbed his arm and guided him to the chair. Then he could feel her going to work.

He had not realised it, had not thought about it, but his hair had gotten long, and so had his beard. Mrs Allsop had not touched it once in all those years... He probably looked like a caveman. It was literally like a weight was falling off him.

"Alright, that was the big bit... now I'm going to try and shape it. Your hair is a bit tangled, so I'm first going to try and cut it, before I comb it. I'll try not to hurt you."

It moved him, to be treated so kindly. Gathering his hair, she took her first snip, and a weight was lifted from his shoulders. She was ever so gentle, but his hair was VERY tangled. There had not been a comb run through it for years, he knew that. Yet, he didn't feel more than the occasional tweak. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have her around.

"I don't know if you want your beard shaved but I don't have the equipment... I also don't really know how to. So, maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea for me to try." There was a little giggle.

He laughed as well... It was the first time he had done so in years, and it took him by surprise.

"Sorry," he apologised.

"For what?" She had started cutting his hair again. He could hear the scissors snip away.

"I did not mean to laugh at you."

"Well, that's my own fault for suggesting something so silly. Anyway, you look quite handsome with a small beard." Her hand was steadying his chin

"You don't have to say that. I know I must look awful... With the scar and the eyes."

"You look fine. Your eyes are a bit curious, being two different colours, but not scary. And the scar is hardly visible underneath the beard... Done." She meant the hair, he realised. "I'll go and get your bath ready"

He wasn't... a monster? Perhaps she was just being kind. She had been kind so far. Far kinder than the villagers... far, far kinder than Mrs Allsop... kinder than he deserved. He could hear her bustling around the kitchen, filling the tub.

"Ready." She sounded like she was smiling, not cursing like the old woman had every time he asked for something.

She came and took his hands, leading him to the bath. Suddenly, he felt shy. He was going to have to undress in front of this woman...

He realised Mrs Allsop had seen him naked. But, somehow, she hadn't mattered. She had been old... and mean. He hadn't cared for her opinion, and she certainly had not cared for his. But Janey... she sounded young... her voice was light and soft. Surely, he could not...

"You can leave your clothes on the pegs here and here," she said, guiding his hands again. "I'll leave you to wash by yourself. If you need help, just call me. Where can I get you some fresh clothes?"

He sighed with relief. At least she wouldn't see him naked and helpless. Maybe things would be different with her around. He got the key from his pocket. "The armoire in my room. It might be a bit messy... I had to rely on myself these past few days."

"Don't worry, I'll get it all sorted. You just enjoy your bath."

No, she was not bad to have around.

* * *

I forgot to thank you kind reviewer last time, sorry... But here to make amends:

Princess PrettyPants : Janey has indeed... And she is here to stay

CrimsonKitsune333 : Very happy you liked it

dinorawr1550 : Glad you liked it.

Megumisakura : Thank you!

LadyBookworm80 : Indeed!

Smithsbabe65 : Loving your review. And yes, I did not she any tears over Mrs Allsop either, she was horrid. Don't worry, Janey is the opposite.

Nibaloo : Glad you like it. Edith is very much out of the picture at this point though.

I forgot to thank you kind reviewer last time, sorry... But here to make amends

Princess PrettyPants : Janey has indeed... And she is here to stay

CrimsonKitsune333 : Very happy you liked it

dinorawr1550 : Glad you liked it.

Megumisakura : Thank you!

LadyBookworm80 : Indeed!

Smithsbabe65 : Loving your review. And yes, I did not she any tears over Mrs Allsop either, she was horrid. Don't worry, Janey is the opposite.

Nibaloo : Glad you like it. Edith is very much out of the picture at this point though.


	7. Chapter 7

The room he lived in was even worse than she had imagined. It was more of a hovel, really, and very stuffy. She opened a window to let some air in but that just kicked up the dust. Everything in here was in piles and looked as if it had been untouched for the past few years. It was like Mrs Allsop had thought she didn't need to do any cleaning, that it it didn't matter anyway, as Thomas couldn't see the mess. But still...

Janey knew what had happened – Edith had told her everything. It had been a strange experience for her. To her, man was the aggressor. But Thomas... He was a victim. It was his sister that had been the aggressor, and he... it sounded to her like he had been paralysed, too scared to move. That strange sense of loyalty you felt to family, even when they were horrible. She knew that all too well. Though Thomas's situation was far more complex, she did understand his way of thinking. She could even understand his sister. How often had Janey wanted to take her father's belt and strangle the son of a bitch with it when he hurt her or her mother? She could understand how the abuse, in time, could have led to insanity. It had left her mother far from sane – it had turned her into a bitter woman that spread her bile out over everyone. And still Janey loved her... Despite all the harsh words, she loved her mother.

So, Janey understood Thomas... Probably better than Edith had ever done. Edith had known the pain of loss, but never abuse. Her father might have been brunt, but his actions had been to shelter her. But Janey did not begrudge Edith this... No one should grow up the way she had done. The way Thomas seemed to have done. And he seemed to have loved Edith despite all this... Why else would he have saved her from his sister?

Janey wasn't sure if she could still love humans. They only seemed to hurt each other. Mrs Worthington had been different though... and Edith too. But, in general, Janey hated people getting too close to her. She kept her distance, even if that made her seem cold and heartless.

Here, though, was a man abandoned. And he touched her, somehow. Edith needn't have worried about Janey – Janey had wanted to help Thomas from the moment he had entered the kitchen. She had seen the fear in his face and his hopelessness – she recognised it. It had touched a nerve in her, something she had hidden so deep within herself that she did not think it would ever resurface. But it had. She wasn't running away, though; she could help him – and would.

Starting with finding him something to wear. She began to pull clothes from the closet, but she had trouble finding something clean enough and, especially wearable. On close inspection, the clothes were incredibly threadbare. She continued looking, but every piece of clothing was the same.

Around the room, she saw other signs of neglect. Again, it had not been cleaned, or even tidied, and absolutely everything was threadbare, from the curtains, to the carpet, to the blankets on his bed. He had to be cold in winter, because these did very little in warming him.

He was rich, Janey knew – his invention had made a fortune. Edith had said he did not want it, but to live in poverty like this... It had to be set right. Not golden taps... But a real bathroom, new clothes, new furniture. Not a mansion, even though he could afford it – just a comfortable, cozy home.

The one thing this room had no shortage of was books, which seemed cruel for a man that could not see. Maybe Mrs Allsop had been meant to read them to him but, seeing she had not done any other chores, Janey thought it unlikely she had read to Thomas. Well, that would change as well.

She would make a list of all the things that needed changing and make sure they would get done.

The cottage itself was sound, and in fact quite lovely. It was build in red bricks with large windows that let in the light. The room that was Thomas's life in fact contained two decent reception rooms, each with their own fireplace. There were beautiful details throughout the house – elaborate ceilings, cornices, stained glass windows – they had just been neglected. If the place was done up again, it would make the most lovely, cozy home, even for a blind man.

But that was for later She would need Thomas's permission for that, and she would start to work on that as soon as he was done in the tub. She knew she could probably do it anyway without his permission – if she asked Edith for the money, she was sure she would get whatever she needed – but it was time he was put back in charge of his own life.

She hung his fresh clothes on the pegs and then looked back at him... The foam had gone and she had a very good look at the male anatomy. Better than she had ever had before in her life. A blush rose to her cheeks...

He must have heard her."Janey... Are you there?"

"Yes," she said, even more startled. She needed to pull herself back together. If she was going to work for a man that was blind, then were probably going to be times that she would see him naked, seeing he could not see where she was. Plus, there might be times he needed her help in... awkward situations. It wasn't like he was threatening or repulsive... In fact, it was giving her other feelings that she had no idea what to do with. And then she saw the scars. After all this time, they were still red and menacing. She knew what had caused them. Edith bore her own scars from that day, Janey knew, but if they were as raw as these... They looked as if it had just happened. Alright, she had to snap out of this.

"I hung your clothes up for when you are done. How are you feeling?"

He smiled. "Like I'm human again."

* * *

Princess PrettyPants : He has done redemption, now let's hope he finds salvation (wait, I'm in charge of that, ain't I?)

smithsbabe65 : Don't worry I sometimes get tears in my eyes writing it too.. Or goosebumps... I'm a sap. But the hair cutting just seemed a moment to share intimacy without it being strange. Some hairdressers can be rough so it was the moment to show her opposite behaviour. And yes, all will be well with Pilot. I don't even like dogs, especially big ones but I have taken a shine to him

Nibaloo: Yes it is Thomas x OC

TheRealTayler13 : Alright, alright...


	8. Chapter 8

With Janey taking care of him, Thomas started to realise he had not deserved the way Mrs Allsop had treated him. She had made his life miserable, abused him and stolen from him – and the money she had stolen had now been taken by the villagers. He did not feel bad that they had taken the money. The kitchen silver was a different matter, though. It had come from his home – from Allerdale. It had been his last link to that place, besides the scars... Perhaps it was for the best – his home was cursed. All the memories that came from there were tainted with pain and blood. Janey had replaced anything that was stolen, and more.

He probably didn't deserve Janey either, but for opposite reasons. He had landed in heaven and he felt happy – truly happy – for the first time, without a dark threatening cloud hanging over him. He knew he had not earned it to be this blessed, but Janey gave him little time to think about it. She had gone like a whirlwind through the house, cleaning and redecorating. It was like a cloud had been lifted.

The first day she had started, she had gone upstairs with him and somehow had gotten him to agree to move his bedroom up here. It had proven a great decision – there was so much room, now. Over the next few days, she had gotten builders and a plumber in to make two bedrooms and a bathroom. His bed and closet had been moved upstairs, while she furnished the other bedroom for herself. Downstairs, he now had of course the kitchen, but also a dining room he could not remember visiting, and his old rooms were turned into a sitting room and a library. Five years before, Edith had sent him some of his possessions from Allerdale Hall when he moved here and had included lots of books from the library. Thomas hated those books – to him, the library represented the worst of his and Lucille's punishments. Edith loved books, though, and so did Janey. The library here though was nothing like his father's. Yes, the walls were lined with books, but the smell was completely different. His father's library had smelled of old cigars. Here, it smelt of fresh flowers that Janey changed every few days. Every inch of the house had been cleaned, and it was like it had come to life.

He had helped Janey in getting the rooms in order. Unlike Mrs Allsop, Janey liked getting him involved in as many tasks as possible. So, when she was cleaning, she got him to do tasks that could be done by touch only, like polishing a table or dusting off all the books. She would make sure nothing was in the way and trust him to it when he started to tackle harder jobs. He had a constant companion to look out for him, though. Pilot would sit by him and keep him safe. The first time the big dog had pulled him back, keeping him from bumping into a table full of glass objects, Thomas had been startled; but, since then, he had learned to rely on the dog, and even had started to like the massive beast.

There was plenty time for fun, too. Together, all three of them went on large walks in the afternoon – rain or shine. Janey would take him by the arm and lead him round any obstacles that came on their path. He loved it – the feeling of freedom, of being outdoors. So much of his life had been spent indoors – his parents did not like him and his sister getting dirty, 'like the rabble in the village' as they said. Janey didn't mind – if he got dirty, she just got him to change. She had only raised her voice once to him – he had been standing so close to the stove that she feared his sleeve would catch fire – and then she had pulled him back. He could tell that it had scared her more than it had him, as she stood panting beside him, arms around him to hold him safe. Though startled, he had been moved that she had cared so much about his well-being.

Surprisingly, even after that incident, she had not banned him from the kitchen. In fact, she encouraged him to help there too, having him peel and grate vegetables. It was not like Janey was lazy – she bustled around him as he was working away, and together they made dinner. It was so nice to be useful again. To do something... Anything. To know he could still perform simple tasks and that he was getting better and better at them. He could walk through the house now without having to feel his way along the wall and without bumping into things. It gave him back his dignity.

In the evening, she would pick out a book, and read to him as they sat by the fire. Her voice was light and melodious, and the stories beautiful. He had not realised that he had owned such novels, books that were not sordid and dark. He started to wonder what else was in his library, and prayed to God Edith had not packed some of the horrible books that had belonged to his father.

Tonight, though, there would be something different. A parcel had arrived earlier that day, and Janey had said she would look at it after dinner. Many parcels had arrived in the last few weeks, containing household items, furniture and clothes for him. He had the money, so he should look after himself, Janey had said. It made him wonder how much Mrs Allsop had taken from him over the years... how much the villagers had taken. He had not told Janey about the money he had found on the table as Mrs Allsop had died.

Janey clearly spent every penny on him, making his life better. He started to wonder whether he should tell her to buy something for herself as well. Maybe she had. There had been something in her voice recently, like she was not telling him something. It didn't sound malicious, though, so he didn't worry. If she had bought something for herself with his money, well, she had certainly earned it.

She had been quietly tinkering with something for the last half hour, not saying anything, and he was getting curious. Suddenly he heard music – Chopin.

"Yes!" Janey cheered. "It works!"

"What is that?" Thomas asked, confused. He had not heard Chopin since...

"I bought a gramophone player. So you can do more than just listen to boring old me read to you."

"But I love it when you read to me," he protested.

"That's very kind of you. But I thought you might like a change, though."

"It's been a long time since I heard music. My sister liked to play. I usually danced. Waltzed." His best memories were from when he was dancing. Edith... Why were there so few happy memories to choose from?

"Don't let me stop you." He could hear Janey was grinning. She was challenging him.

Two could be that clever. "What do you mean? Dance? But I can't even see where I'm going. And I need a partner."

"I can't dance," she protested. "Never learned how... never even went to a country dance."

"That's a shame... Alright, then. Come here, if you dare. I'll teach you to dance, as long as you keep us from bumping into things. Deal?"

"Deal." She placed her hand in his, and another on his shoulder. He beamed. How could life possibly have turned out this good after all?

* * *

Sparky She-Demon : A corner has been turned for him, now it's up to him

Princess PrettyPants : Janey is a good woman, she takes care of him.

Sallydanz13 : Glad you like it.

Smithsbabe65 : And I am loving your reviews. Your feelings are matching mine as I write it, and I love that you are enjoying this so much... Though I did almost choke on your mention of the assets, ROFL They are in fact quite...charming, lol

Guest : Thank you


	9. Chapter 9

Thomas was a wonderful dancer. Well, as far as Janey could tell... she had never danced in her life. That intimate contact with a man... it wasn't something she had ever wanted. People were safer at a distance.

Still... It had been wonderful. They had bumped into the couch... and the coffee table... but it hadn't mattered. For the first time, she had seen him blossom, truly blossom, and seen a side of him she didn't know existed. Strong, but without being overbearing. He had taken the lead and twirled her around the room. It had been... magical.

Most days weren't so easy, though. He needed her help – not so much physically as emotionally. She had never met a man this lost. Many people were lost, but most hid that loss behind a mask of arrogance. Not Thomas, though. It was all out in the open and gut wrenching, which left him open for abuse, just as had happened with Mrs Allsop.

In some ways, she admired his forgiveness – most people that had been through what he had would blame the world, growing terribly bitter. Thomas wasn't bitter – he didn't blame anyone, although life had been horrible to him. He blamed only himself. That had led to inertia, and he had let himself be abused... Because he thought he deserved it, perhaps. She had not asked, and they had not talked about it, but it was clear he was trying to punish himself. Each time she tried to help him, tried to do something fun for him, his initial reaction would be to refuse. When she asked him to go on a walk with her the first time, he said he would only slow her down. When she first had started reading to him, he had told her not to make a fuss for him. She had easily changed his mind but it was clear that he tried to avoid happiness.

Knowing what had happened, she understood why... But she wasn't sure how to breach the subject. He did not know that she knew, and she wasn't sure how to tell him or if she should even tell him. If he felt so much guilt already, what would he be like if he knew she knew? He was making improvements and that was all that mattered.

Janey had never thought she would be this comfortable living with a man, but she and Pilot had fit right in. She had felt at home here in a matter of days. Thomas was not threatening, unlike so many men. He went along with everything she said... which wasn't right of course, but she was very careful not to abuse this gentle nature. Yes, she let him help with dinner, but this was more to keep him busy and give him independence in case he needed it. He had told her a little bit about how Mrs Allsop had treated him, basically not allowing him to do anything, not even move. He had been a prisoner, not just of his blindness, but from her behaviour as well.

Janey would not let that happen again. It was why she had pushed him to change his living arrangements in this manner. First of all, it was his house, and he deserved to enjoy his life in it, not be a prisoner in one room. But also it was more accessible to him this way. He had the money – in fact, he was a millionaire. He just had refused to use the money.

It was another sign of him punishing himself, she thought. Like he did not deserve happiness and living the good life. Janey would have none of it, though. So, she had bought him everything he needed. Thomas had given his purse strings to Edith, and Edith now had given them to her. She was a bit cross with her friend that she had never gone to check up on Thomas. So much pain could have been spared for him. Edith had told her how much she had paid Mrs Allsop, a wage now Janey got, and it was a handsome salary, even when you did not count 'expenditures', which came in addition to the salary. All together, it was about 700 pounds a year, but Mrs Allsop had not spent a penny on Thomas. It made Janey furious. She had no particular respect for the rich, those born with a silver spoon in their mouth, that behaved like they were superior to everybody. But Thomas was not like that and, according to Edith, he never had been. Mrs. Allsop had been the villain here. Of course, most of her possessions had been stolen by the villagers, and the money too probably. A stash of it had been put in the one place no one had dared look: the old woman's mattress. Janey had used it to pay the locksmith and the workers.

Thomas now had a good room to sleep in, and Janey was right next door when he needed her. Not that he needed her much – with a little help, he was more than capable of doing things himself. She knew the work she was doing might in time make him so independent that he would not need her any more. He was young, unlike Mrs Withington, who had needed Janey's help not just because she had lost her sight but also because she was getting on in years. Thomas would in time fully adapt to being blind, especially since he was doing so well already. All she really needed to do was lay out his clothes... and sit by him when he had nightmares.

Well, she did not have to, but when she heard him cry in terror in the middle of the night, it pierced right through her heart. There was such pain in that cry. The first night she heard it, she had been frozen with fear for a moment. Pilot, however, had not been, and had immediately crawled into bed with Thomas, who was still sleeping downstairs in his old room at that point. Janey sat with them, and a little while later she could see that, although Thomas hadn't woken up, he had relaxed.

However, now Thomas had moved to the upstairs rooms, and Pilot was not allowed upstairs – the old boy was getting on in years, and walking up stairs was no good for his joints. So, now she would simply get up when she heard Thomas call out and then sit with him until he calmed down. He would sleep right through it, so she had no idea if it helped, but he would not complain of bad dreams the next morning... Than again, he did not complain much at all.

He was beautiful when he slept, a raven angel, despite the scar. She could stare at him for hours... Which was wrong of course. But he did something to her. She liked being around him, which was … impossible, almost. She didn't trust people in general, but men especially – men only stood for violence in her book. When she had first agreed to the job, she had not been planning to stay for long. Frankly, she had only intended to get him back on his feet and then hire someone else to take care of him. She could not have seen herself serving a man for years to come, no matter how gentle and meek Edith said his character was.

Janey knew abuse, and how it changed you. His gentle nature was even more surprising because of it. Not one bad word had come from him so far. No bitterness... just guilt.

She didn't want to leave him now. She loved being around him. As he became less shy, it turned out he had a brilliant mind to boot. They talked on their walks about poetry and literature. This man... He gave her jitters.

"Isn't it about time for Pilot's walk?" he asked gently.

"It's pouring out there... I'm hoping it'll clear up a little bit in a minute."

"Well, that's what umbrellas are for." He pulled the umbrella from the stand, knowing exactly where it was. It filled her with a sense of pride that he had come that far in such a short period. Pilot immediately rushed to him, hearing the sound of 'walkies'. Both of them were looking at her expectantly.

How could she undermine such determination, not to mention the puppy dog eyes from both of them. "Alright you two, let me just get my scarf."

Thomas beamed at her. Butterflies fluttered through her stomach as she took his arm, and she shivered involuntarily.

"Are you sure you are warm enough? You can always borrow my jacket, if you want," Thomas offered.

"I'll be fine," she assured him, patting his arm. She would be. As soon as she got these feelings under control.

* * *

Esmem83976: That's why I started writing this … I get what Thomas' sacrifice represents... But I don't like it. So he lives!

CrimsonKitsune333: Errrrrmmm errr... You're psychic? Got some chapters to go before that though. And it only will be a little hiccup

Princess PrettyPants: Yay, confetti! I'm sure Pilot loves that. *Imagines a big dog jumping in confetti*

Smithsbabe65: You know, I don't even like dogs, but I felt the story needed one somehow needed Pilot. And I have fallen in love with him... I already was in love with Thomas... Cute puppy

Nibaloo: I try to update regularly, I promise.

IluffsNicoDiAngelo: Thank you

I have written a Loki Advent poem, but I am posting that in parts on twitter. So if you want to check it out check out: TomsKnittedTie is my name... (and you can find out the full extent of my madness (you've been warned)


	10. Chapter 10

Janey... She was like an angel from head to toe. She lit up the room, even though he lived in complete darkness – her kindness radiated through. She took care of him... better than even his own sister had.

Lucille had taken care of him... But some days she could be cruel and mean. Some days, she would even hurt him – she was a master at inflicting pain without leaving marks. He had still loved her though, despite of what she had done. He knew the pain she had been through, and he had always felt guilty. Much of her pain had been because of him – things he had done, for which she had taken the blame.

But he now also started to see how his sister had goaded him into doing things – forced him, even – often things he did not want to do. Even when they had been little, she had made him do things that he knew were forbidden. Sometimes unjustly so.o. The toys... It had been a cruel move by their father not to let them play with them. But they had... And they were caught. Or rather, Lucille was caught – he had hidden away. But it had been Lucille's idea to go there in the first place, even though she later had said it was his fault they were there. It was the first thrashing that he could remember... and the start of his inventing career. Lucille kept wanting to go back to the toy room, but Thomas had been too afraid to let his sister get hurt again. So he started creating things, trying to replicate the toys they had seen in order to keep his sister away from that damned room. It had been the start of his inventing career. Of course, Lucille soon had found other ways to defy their parents. Looking back on it, it was almost like she relished it... She wore every lash like a battle scar. If anything, every beating made her even more determined to defy their parents.

That had been part of the reason he had gone along with her plans so easily. If anything, he knew that, when defied, Lucille hit back twice as hard. Convincing her Edith was the better choice had been his first act of real defiance. If only he hadn't... Lucille might still be alive... But some other girl would have died... He realised that too. He could not help missing his sister, though. Lucille had been so much part of… him.

The sudden realisation came to him that he and Lucille had been like one person all along. He had been the human face, the one that tried to put everything right, to please people. He had tried to please their mother and father by being exactly what they wanted – invisible. Lucille had been everything he did not dare to be – but, with that, she had lost her humanity. She never cared who got hurt. In fact, she derived pleasure in seeing the pain of others. She had nursed their mother because she had liked "seeing the old hag in pain", she would tell him at night when they lay in bed together. The delight she had shown in it gave him chills. He had known it was wrong, but at the same time he had thought their mother deserved it. Never had their mother expressed kindness to them.

He hadn't felt sad when she died... nor when his father died. They had deserved it. His sister confirmed this, or rather, she had constantly convinced him of this fact. When his first wife died, it had been a relief... Had sadness touched him? Not really. With the second... Well he realised what Lucille had done and he was mortified … but not about his wife... About himself, and how he had not stopped it. Still, he had let Lucille bully him into taking a third wife... And a fourth. All the times he could have objected, and yet... Why hadn't he? Lucille would have been furious, yes. She might have hurt him. But it would have been the right thing to do. And she might have still been alive now. In an asylum, yes, but he would have found her one where they treated her gently. Maybe he would have stayed with her, too. God knew he was far from sane.

But then again, where would they have found the money? All they would have been able to afford was some second-rate quack who would have made matter worse. Lucille would have probably bludgeoned him, and turned him into mince pies.

That image made him laugh... and immediately he felt guilty. How could he laugh about someone dying, even if it was just a hypothetical person? Maybe Lucille was right – maybe he was wicked. Maybe he was just as crazy as she was. How couldn't he be, with those genes? Mother had been cold and cruel, and his father an ill-tempered hot head that coud blow up over nothing. He was their spawn, as was Lucille. How could he be anything but bad? How could he care for anyone?

Still.. He knew what love was... Didn't he? He cared deeply for Janey. He couldn't imagine ever hurting her. He'd rather die than seeing her get hurt. Even though he had only known her for a short period of time, he had grown very fond of her... Very fond... Why she would stay with a broken man like him, though, he did not understand.

He still loved Edith, in his own way... though the passion was gone. She had shown him the way to the light, and he would have gladly joined her there, only the hold of the darkness had been too strong. She had been right in saying he was tied to the past, and his past was so dark that it had him in a hold...even to this day, he could not get rid of it and he probably never would. He had loved Lucille. He still couldn't come to face with the fact she was dead... Their relationship had been twisted in so many ways, but all he had ever wanted to do was protect her, make her feel safe, feel loved in a way their parents never had. It had all become so muddled up, though. So much so that she had tried to kill him... And very nearly succeeded. And yet... he still loved her, he still cared for her. He forgave her for what she had done. He understood. And that worried him. How? Someone who had done such evil things? He would have let her gotten away with worse if Edith had not stopped him. And if that did not make him certifiable, he didn't know what would.

He wondered if in time he would hurt Janey... He never had hurt anyone, but... With his genes, could he take the risk? What had made his parents the way they were? Lack of love? Isolation? There had been so much anger... He couldn't understand. He just felt pain...

A hand was laid on his shoulder. "Would you like to come with me to the village? It's a lovely day, and I would like the company."

No... There was nothing there for him. The villagers hated him. He was a monster that they should ban from society. But had he not been hiding long enough? Was it not that, which had driven his parents over the edge, and Lucille as well. In company she could be carming but alone.. The demons had come out. Maybe he should go out there. Maybe it was time to stop being afraid of everything. Maybe by going out there, he could change his destiny, not becoming a bitter recluse like his parents. "Alright... let's go."

* * *

ILuffsNicoDiAngelo : I'm glad you do

Angel Flying: Thank you

Smithsbabe65: Yup, I'd jump his bones to and freak him out. Thank heavens Janey is more patient. And Pilot... He is going nowhere

Sallydanz13 : Thank you


	11. Chapter 11

Thomas was doing much better - but sometimes he would suddenly just cloud over for no particular reason. Janey could only imagine what he was thinking about, as his face would turn dark and sad. She wanted to put her arms around him, but that was not proper behaviour, was it? So instead she would pull him out of it by doing something else. Like a walk. She had planned to go to the village herself this afternoon, leaving Thomas on his own, but on second thought perhaps it was better if he came with her, than sit here by himself.

So she had invited him along, and now they were slowly making their way to the village. It was a route they had never taken before so progress was not very fast. But that was fine. The weather was lovely, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, although he looked a bit apprehensive. She couldn't blame him. Last time he had met the villagers, they had not exactly been friendly.

But that wasn't all of them. By keeping her ear to the ground she had a pretty good knowledge of who had taken advantage of him. And they were no longer supplying Mr Sharpe. She had found better, sometimes even cheaper suppliers, that were honest and kind. In case anyone did try to hurt them, Pilot was there. Thomas and the dog really had gotten attached to each other. Pilot was happy he had someone to guide again, and Thomas was happy someone was looking out for him. The only thing Janey needed to worry about was Pilot getting fat from too many treats.

Lastly, he looked in nothing like the savage they had seen last time. His hair was now decent, he was looking clean and very smart. He was dressed in new clothes, not the threadbare rags he had owned. Janey had gotten him a new wardrobe which was functional, fashionable and made him look an utter gentleman. Beside the fact he was blind - and that wasn't really that noticeable either if you didn't know - there was no reminder of the man she had first seen.

"We are here," Thomas suddenly said.

He was right, they had just passed the first house."Yes, how do you know?"

"I hear people's voices, and we are walking on pavement rather than a dirt path."

"Indeed. Well done." She was amazed at how well he had adapted.

He was nervous though, the grip on her arm had tightened. "What are we here for?"

"Well, I need to go to the post office and the haberdasher's for some ribbons an thread to mend my dresses. And it's market day." She softly rubbed his hand, trying to calm him. It seemed to work. As he smiled.

"You know we could buy you a new dress. Or two. You bought me an entire new wardrobe," he suddenly offered.

She blushed at his generosity. "With your own money, Thomas. I am here to take care of you, and that is what I did. You needed those clothes. Your old ones were so worn they were practically see-through."

"Well, that does not mean I can't buy you a dress as a thank you." He almost looked hurt.

"I appreciate it, but it really isn't necessary. I can mend and make do," she assured him.

"I'd be happy to..." he protested.

"But it would not be right. You pay me quite handsomely, you know. I can more than make do with that. So if I need anything I will buy myself. You don't need to worry..." She didn't want to take advantage of him. That had happened enough.

The had arrived at the post office, where she had a letter for Edith to post. She gave her weekly updates of ho Thomas was doing, as well as personal things. Though lately she had been holding back. She had no trouble talking about Thomas well-being, but when it came to their relationship, and how she felt about Thomas... It just was weird. By liking one, it was like she was betraying the other. She knew Edith no longer had feelings for him... besides pity and Janey found that rather unfair. Yes, she felt a certain amount of pity for Thomas, but she admired him even more for staying so kind and caring. Edith saw a weak man... But he was not... Not if you considered the burdens he had to carry. Most people would have crumbled under that and grown bitter. Janey had... It took a very special and patient personality to change that. And Thomas was that person. Janey found herself more mild in her judgments because of him.

She left Thomas for a moment on a bench to handle her affairs both at the post office as well as the haberdashery. He and Pilot seemed perfectly happy sitting in the sun as she joined them again. No one had bothered them, though a few girls were looking at the handsome stranger they had not seen before. She heard them whisper, and had to bite her cheek not to giggle.

"Are you boys coming with me?" she smiled.

"Of course." He let his arm slip into hers, and to the outside world they looked just like a normal couple going for a stroll. Well, as long as you did not listen to their conversation too closely, which mainly involved her talking about the obstacles in the road ahead of them. It was a lot harder than it was at home, because she also needed to look out for traffic.

"Can you wait here a minute whilst I buy some fruit?" Navigating between the crowds at the stall was going to be difficult enough without having him to worry about. So she left the pair of them waiting on the corner as she went across the street to get what she needed. Suddenly a carriage came crashing right through the crowd... Heading directly at Thomas. She saw him look bewildered, he could hear it, but had no idea in which direction to turn. People were brushing past him, which unsettled him even more. Instead of moving with them he was stepping into the road, whilst Pilot was pushed back by the mass of people, and couldn't help him. The carriage just pushed ahead not caring who was in the way. Could nobody see Thomas? Dropping her groceries, Janey ran across the road to pull him out of the way. As she did, she clipped her heel...

* * *

Princess PrettyPants: Yay, you noticed! Yes it seemed a befitting to give a wink to Sweeney Todd.

Smithsbabe65: Thomas is still very much connected to his past, mostly because he feels guilty of for his own crimes. So I don't think he will be over it soon.

CrimsonKitsune333 : Thank you darling

Samantha Michaelis : Glad you like it

Elsie girl: There is more, I hope you like it

Esmem83976 : I got my ending planned, don't worried.


	12. Chapter 12

It all happened in slow motion, much like it had when his sister had stabbed him, only this time he couldn't see it happening. There had been a swelling sound of rattling wheels, as people started to brush past him. They were so rough though that he lost his sense direction. He franticly tried to recompose himself, but the crowd spun him around several times until he no longer knew which direction he was facing, or where Janey had gone. He felt himself slip off the pavement as the sound of wheels kept rushing towards him. Suddenly someone grabbed him and he was pushed. They took a few steps and tumbled. There was an anguished scream. Janey! She was on top of him but obviously in pain. Stupid idiot that he was, she had obviously tried to save him, and now she was hurt instead. Silly girl. He would rather have died, than let her get harmed.

A crowd gathered round, he could tell by the way the voices gathered round them. Once more he was the center of attention. Previous encounters with such gatherings always resorted in misery. The quicker they got out of here, the better.

"Maniac!" someone yelled, and he winced before realising it had been said in the direction of the retreating wheels in the distance, and not him. Janey was moaning, and he tentatively searched for her, gathering her in his arms. "Are you alright?"

"My ankle..." she groaned.

"Why didn't you step aside, sir?" someone asked in the crowd.

"Because he is blind," Janey bit back. He could hear the strain in her voice ,and he felt nervous. He was fine, besides a hard impact on the stones, but he could tell she she wasn't. She was trying to get up, but each time she tried, she cried out in pain, and sank back.

He needed to be strong though. For once in his life, For her. "Janey, calm down, it is going to be alright." Gingerly he got to his feet. No lasting damage except a few sores that would probably turn into bruises later it felt like, and since he wouldn't be able to see them anyways, it didn't matter. "Where does it hurt Janey?"

"My ankle. I think the carriage ran over it. It twisted. Ouch."

"Anywhere else... Your head?"

"No, I fell into you... Are you alright? Did you slam your head into the pavement. I shouldn't have left you there," she started to apologise.

"I'm fine. Put your arms around my neck." She did, and as he gathered her in his arms, lifting her up in his arms. As he got up, he could feel Pilot brush up against his leg. There was a soft bark from the dog, to let Thomas know he was there. At least the dog seemed ok.

"Thomas, what are you doing? Put me down!" she protested immediately.

"I'm carrying you, and I'm not putting you down, because you are obviously in pain. Now could someone point us in the direction of a doctor please... This lady needs medical attention." He had no idea how he was gonna do this, but he was not going to let her down. The crowd was still gathered round them, and he silently prayed that for once they wouldn't turn against him.

"I'm fine Thomas, let's just go home..." Janey whispered in his ear. But he couldn't. She was not fine, she was hurt, and somebody needed to look at it.

"What is going," an authoritative voice asked.

"Good afternoon officer. I got hurt by the carriage that came through here..." Janey softly spoke. She was curled up against his chest, clinging to him. It made the blood rush through his veins rush a little faster. He berated himself. Her hurt should not feel this good.

A woman from the crowd started speaking. "It was what maniac from Thorsbrock Hall that ran them over, he did. That man is a menace... He didn't even stop! He will kill somebody one day, I tell you. He nearly ran my daughter over the other day. " The others seemed to agreed with her as far as Thomas could tell by their murmurs.

It didn't matter much to him at the moment. The only thing he cared about was the woman in his arms. She was being brave, but he could tell she was hurting by the way she was clinging to him. At least she was conscious though. "Sir, my... Janey hurt her ankle. The coach ran her over as she tried to push me out of the way. She needs medical help."

"Alright... Come with me sir," the police man said and started to walk away as far as Thomas could tell.

"Officer, he is blind, he can't see where you are going," Janey protested.

"What?" the man asked confused.

"I... Was stabbed... a few years ago, and I lost my sight." It was the first time he had said it out loud, and it stung more than he liked to think about at this moment. "Janey explained to me that I still automatically look at a sound as an automatic reaction, even though I am blind. But even though I may look at you that doesn't mean I see anything."

The police man walked over bruskly, Thomas could tell by the creaking off his boots. "Alright... Get away you mutt!"

Pilot growled defensively.

"No, Pilot I with us!... Down boy, it's alright, this man is gonna help us. Stay close and guide me," Thomas commanded the dog. He needed Pilot more than he needed the police officer at this moment.

Pilot barked as if he understood. He probably did. That dog was a genius.

The officer sighed, he probably had enough of them already. "Take my... I'll take your arm, and if you follow me, we will get your wife some help."

"She isn't..."Oh what did it matter, as long as they got help. It wasn't proper to carry Janey like he was out of wedlock, but what did he care for convention. "Lead the way."

The doctor was more accommodating and took them right into his office. Although... He wanted to send Thomas away.

Janey would have none of it. "I want him here."

"But madam, it's not proper! You will need to undress..."

"Just my ankle I trust, I won't be stripping any further. Doctor or not. I'm stripping for no man. And besides that, he can't see it anyways. He stays." Thomas smiled. Janey was obviously starting to feel better, if she was starting to sound so fierce.

"Alright, but the dog stays outside. I'm not a vet!" the doctor bristled.

"Stay Pilot," Thomas said, patting the dog on the head, before joining Janey in the doctor's office.

As the doctor took off her shoe, he heard Janey gasp in pain. He automatically sought her hand and she squeezed it hard, refusing to let out another squeak. He heard her laboured breath though as the doctor examined her ankle.

"It's not broken, but severely sprained. You must not stand on it for the next few weeks and if the pain doesn't stop, or worsens , come back to me... I will bandage it now to keep down the swelling."

"Fine," Janey sighed. Thomas wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he realised he couldn't. If anyone found out they weren't married... He did not want to cause her any more scandal.

"Madam. I should really be checking all of you. Your corset may have shifted, and you might be hurt without knowing it, " the doctor tried to convince her.

"I don't wear a corset. I find them nonsense. So don't worry, I am fine. A scrape on my palm, and a tear in my dress. That's all," Janey said.

"So you are one of those women.." the doctor said. Thomas did not like his tone.

Neither did Janey. "What kind of woman is that?"

"A suffragette." There was disgust in his voice.

"Oh no, sir. I won't suffer by the hand of anyone... Especially a man," she spat at him. "Now are you done, sir?"

The man was obviously shaken by such a candid answer. "Y-y-yes," he stammered.

Thomas fought a grin. That was his Janey. "Let's go home," he said gathering her up in his arms again.

* * *

 _It's a bit faster than I had planned, but I got so many complaints/requests that I couldn't leave you on a clffhanger... So here it is!_

 _CrimsonKitsune333, Esmem83976, Samantha Michaelis, Smithsbabe65 & Guest: I get it... I left you on a cliff hanger. Sorry (Though, to be fair, I'm probably gonna do it again)_

 _Esmem83976: Janey did not have an easy life, we will learn more about that soon._

 _Smithsbabe65: You don't honestly think I would hurt her that badly, would you? I think Thomas is finding his strength though, rather than getting weaker._


	13. Chapter 13

Thomas had carried her in his arms all the way home, despite her protests. The journey home had gone amazingly well, she had to admit. Despite the fact he was blind, despite she knew she wasn't exactly light he had insisted on carrying her home. She was happy to be away from that overbearing doctor, but she realised halfway through that she should have insisted on finding another method to get home.

He hadn't complained once though, not even sighed, though his breath had gotten more and more laboured as they went along. He wouldn't give up though, not even when she had urged him to sit down and take a break. He wouldn't put her down either... She was sure she could have hopped along with his support for part of the journey, but he wouldn't hear of it.

And she also had to admit, she liked it. Despite everything, the pain in her leg, the fact he was a man that was holding her very intimately... the fact he was her employer which she didn't even want to think about, because this was wrong on so many levels... she had never felt safer cradled in his arms. It was strange... and wrong... and yet. When the police officer had her Thomas' wife, and Thomas had not objected, but held her closer instead, it did something to her.

She had always been determined to be a strong independent woman, and yet today she has easily given into Thomas' ready arms. He had been so sweet and kind to her though... And strict, which surprised her. But it wasn't malicious. Just by no means would he let her stand on her feet for even a second.

When they got home he had immediately offered her to make a cup of tea, but she had ordered him to sit down and get his breath back first. "You have done great. Thank you," she said, grabbing his hand.

"It was my fault you got hurt in the first place. I should have taken better care.. I'm sorry." Poor Thomas, of course he would blame himself.

"No it was my fault. I shouldn't have left you in the middle of the street where the crowd could push you around. You don't look blind, on the face of it it's like nothing is wrong with you, so people don't take in account they should be careful. I should have been the one to realise that, not you." She could kick herself for being so stupid.

"Still, I'm sorry you got hurt. And I will do anything to make it up to you," he promised.

Now she felt even more guilty. He would do anything he could for her, she realised. "You don't have to. You're the master, and I am the servant, remember. Perhaps we should get some extra help in for the moment. I won't be able to do much."

He immediately shook his head. "No, we'll manage. I can do what is needed as long as you are my eyes. I don't like the idea of strangers poking round here... "

If she was honest, neither was she. "Alright. We shall see how it goes. But promise me you will be careful. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I will do anything you say, " he promised gently. But then his face changed. "Janey, I got to know. You are really not wearing a corset?"

It confused her. What was he asking? "And why would you need to know that? Are you gonna judge me like the doctor did?"

"No! I don't care of you are a suffragette or not... Which doesn't mean I do not care about that cause... I think women should be equal... But you seemed very determined to get rid of the man. Please tell me you didn't do that at the expense of your own health?" He looked so worried.

She smiled. … of course. This was Thomas. All he cared about was her safety. He really had no idea how special he was. "I'm really not wearing a corset."

"Promise?" he asked again.

She grabbed his hands and put them round her. It was a wicked thing to do, not proper at all, and she knew it. "Does it feel like I'm wearing a corset. Do you feel any bones?"

He blushed a deep crimson. It was kind of cruel of her to do so. But his hands felt so good on her. She had never even considered letting a man close. Thomas was different though. She wanted him closer, and she couldn't quite explain it. But it wasn't right...

"I need to get some stuff, so if you don't mind..." She tried to hop past him on one foot.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asked, grabbing her by her waist. There was no fooling this blind man, he had very keen hearing. And he wasn't going to let her hurt herself.

She needed to get out there though, and not just to clear her head."The garden.. I need to pick some herbs"

"What do you need? I'll get it," he said ever so helpful.

"Comfrey. It will help heal the sprain. I'll need to find it myself, because I'm not sure where it grows..." She wanted to go past him, but he swept her up in his arms again. This was getting ridiculous... Especially if she considered how good it felt. "Thomas!"

"Yes, madame. As you wish," he said, carrying her outside, and completely ignoring her protests.

She sighed. "Aren't you getting tired of carrying me around yet? I'm not exactly light."

"You're like a feather. And I'm fine. Now where to?" he asked stepping outside.

Janey looked around."I think there is a patch by the gate... Yes.. Put me down here."

He didn't. He just kept holding her. It seemed he knew her too well already, and knew exactly how stubborn she was.

And he was right... But if he insisted, she would listen. At her terms."Please. Just put me down on the ground. I promise I won't stand on my foot but it's growing among nettles. You can't do it without hurting yourself."

He put her down ever so gentle and she crawled to the patch. "I'll get you up when you need to. Do you need anything else? Scissors? A basket?" he offered.

Pilot, her other hero already came to her rescue. "We are good... Aren't we Pilot?" She cuddled the dog. Her two men... Alright, time to gather some herbs, the sooner this ankle was healed, the sooner things would be back to normal... Though it really wasn't that bad being carried around. No one had ever done such a a thing for her.

She picked the comfrey leaves to make a foot bath later on. It would help her Thomas came and sit by them on the grass, letting the sun seep into his skin. It was like he was watching her, which of course wasn't possible.

"Yes, the rumours are true. I am a witch." She didn't know why she said it, it just came out.

He sat up. "What? Who says your a witch? Why would anyone say that? You are lovely."

"Loads of people, ever since I was little. I usually keep it under a bonnet, but have bright red hair you see, so I must be the devil's spawn.. I probably am..." she said casually. She had stopped caring about what other people thought about her a long time ago.

"No you are not. You are the nicest woman I have ever met. You are not evil... Don't you ever think that of yourself, do you hear me?" His speech had become so passionate that he was almost shaking. She had never seen him like this.

* * *

 _Esmem83976: I would never hurt them... much_

 _Sparky She-demon: Yes Thomas is finding his groove._

 _Princess Prettypants: Handsy? You mean pompous ass? :p_

 _Smithsbabe65: Without telling to much, yes, yes, he'll be fine, yes, sorta, but he cares to much to ask directly. Something will happen though that makes it all come out._

 _Annie: Thank you._

 _And thank you Isi for liking my LokiAdvent project "The Frost Giant that Stole Christmas" that is now complete and I also put the text on fanfiction._


	14. Chapter 14

Thomas didn't know why it got to him so much, but it did. He didn't mind getting abuse, it barely even registered these days. Comparing to what his own family had done to him, what anyone else did to him was nothing. He carried the burden of the Sharpe name on a daily basis. The idea of anyone wanting to hurt Janey though... It stung. He wanted her happiness more than anything. And he certainly didn't want her to think ill of herself. He sought her shoulder. "Janey, you are wonderful, do you hear me?"

"Thomas, it's okay. Their words don't hurt me now. So what if they think I'm a witch? They give me a wide berth and I'm well rid of them. I really don't mind," she assured him.

"But I'm not. You don't deserve to be treated with contempt, certainly not over the color of your hair. You're so sweet."

She grabbed his hand. "And so are you. If the world doesn't want to see that, that's their problem. It doesn't bother me. I'm happy where I am right now... Here... Working for you. "

It made him wonder about the hardships she had been through. There was something she wasn't telling him, but he wasn't going to ask her. Nobody liked to be reminded of the darkness in their past, he knew that only too well.

Poor Janey, she was so kind. She deserved better than being locked away in this house, with him, serving him for the rest of her day. Not that he wanted her to leave... "You're not sick of working for me yet?"

"No, if I was, I would go work somewhere else..." Janey sounded strained as she said it... And then she cried out.

"Are you alright?" he asked, crawling towards her. He had no clue what she had done exactly, just that something was wrong. She seemed to have fallen over, he found her foot, and then an arm. Gentle he tried to help her up, but accidentally touched her breast. "Sorry."

"It's alright. I was stupid. I tried to pick a leaf out of reach, and fell over... I wasn't even standing up. Don't worry, I'm still in one piece... What do you want for dinner. Darn... I forgot the groceries in town. And the ribbons. Though my dress is ripped now. I will have to do a lot more mending than hide it with a ribbon. Maybe buy something new. Something practical." He heard the doubt in her voice. And something else... Insecurity.

"Something beautiful. I'll pay for it," he immediately offered.

That seemed to upset her. "No, I can pay for it. You don't need to trouble yourself. After all you are my employer... I get paid enough to take care of myself."

But he want to be troubled. He wanted to take care of her, care for her. She deserves someone like that. Not him perhaps, but at least someone that was there for her. That loved her, "There is more to life than work, you know..." If Thomas had understood that sooner, lives may have been saved. "Don't you want a family, a husband?"

"I'm too plain and too opinionated to ever get a husband according to my mother," she put herself down again.

Her statement had been very matter of fact. He raised his eyebrow. How could she think so little of herself? "Is that so?"

"She may be right. I don't want my life to be in servitude of a man."

"Unless you get paid for it." The words had slipped out before he knew it. She was so much more than just his maid... But it seemed that all he was to her was an employer.

"Yes, well... I have to make some money so I can live. I'm not some rich heiress that can just live off the wealth accumulated by my ancestors. This is my best shot at freedom. I can always quit here if I don't like your tone, and it is not like you are gonna demand marital relations from me... Are you?"

It was a very candid question that made him blush. "It had not crossed my mind," he whispered. That wasn't quite true. Lately he thought more and more about kissing her. But why would she want to be with him? Especially if she knew the whole truth about him. No, he was gonna be single for the rest of his life. But she... She shouldn't be. She had too much love to give. "Surely there must be someone out there that would love a fiery little sprite like you."

"To tame and break me, yes. I had several offers who all wanted to break my spirit along with several bones by the sound of it. And I'm not little. My mother says I'm like a weed, I was always taller than half of the boys in my village. I still am. It's horrendous," the pain in her voice was tangible now.

Her mother was wrong. Yes, Janey was tall. And not exactly light as a feather, though he would carry her to the moon and back if need be... She deserved to be loved... in all the wonderful ways there were. "Your mother sounds like quite an opinionated woman herself. And she seemed to have snagged herself a husband. Wouldn't you want that? You really think marriage is so awful?"

"Do you want to get rid of me or something?" she asked suspicious.

"Not at all. You have a very pleasant voice and you are..." So worthy to be loved - He couldn't say that though... "...much nicer than my previous maid. Despite your obvious misgivings about my gender, you treat me like a person, rather than an object, so I hope you will stay and work for me a long long time. Just... You deserve more than me. You deserve your happiness."

"Thank you..." There was a deep sigh. "To answer your question, my father was a drunk that liked to beat my mother and me for no reason, and there was nothing I could do about it. He died when I was ten but I will forever have his markings on my back. My mother acts like it never happened, but I want no other man to ever wield such power over me. So no, I plan on never marrying, if you don't mind."

It cut him like a knife, to know she too had been hurt. And to make it worse, he had reminded her of this hurt. "I'm truly sorry that happen to you. Humans can be cruel to one another for no reason it often seems. I promise you will be safe as long as you are here. After all, there is little to fear from a blind man."

Janey kept quiet, and he couldn't decide if she was crying. He hoped not. He moved closer but wasn't sure what to do. Finally she spoke..." That is very kind of you. Don't put yourself down though, you are more than your blindness. And what I see is a good man, that has been nicer to me than most people in my life have been."

Thomas was quiet. Somehow being called nice hurt more than being called a monster. After all that was the truth... After all the horrible things he had done no one in their right mind would ever call him good.. She didn't know that however and the day she found out she would most likely leave. Finally he started stammering "I.. I wasn't always... like this. It took for me to become blind to truly see..."

"That is as poetic as it is sad." Her hand stroked his face.

It was the first real gesture of human kindness since he had gotten since becoming blind, of comfort. Edith had not touched him after what happen, and he couldn't blame her. He had betrayed her in so many ways that he fully understood her wanting to have nothing to do with him. Janey had kindly taken care of him, but this was different. It was not jut his cheek she touched, but hi soul. A tear rolled down his face, and soon more followed. It was like a damn broke, he wasn't even sure what he was crying for, just all the misery seemed to pour out of him.

Arms cradled him, and he pulled her closer as well. Their cheeks touched, tears were rolling down hers as well, he could feel the wetness, and he heard her sniff.

"Sorry," he whispered.

She was the one that pulled it together. "Listen mister, you really need to stop apologising for things that are not your fault, do you hear me." She hugged him tightly as she said it.

It helped. "Sor... Yes, ma'm. I'll try," he said forcing a smile.

 _Esmem83976: Janey is just awesome, what can I say_

 _PrettyPris: Well Janey has some issues that make her crave independence_

 _Smithsbabe65: I was depending on you to get it, only the big blind oaf himself doesn't quit grasp it. I'm glad you liked my LokiAdvent, I hope you looked at it on twitter as well, with 25 delectable Loki pictures._


	15. Chapter 15

Thomas was so fragile... And yet so strong. He had completely taken care of her the last two weeks. Carrying her wherever she wanted to go, being her legs, but also her hands, whenever she needed it. He did her all chores, under her strict supervision. She had been so worried he'd hurt himself, that she had insisted on being within sight when he did things, just in case he ran into trouble. She hadn't needed to. Everything had run perfectly, Thomas knew his way around the house now and he had even dealt with the tradesmen when they came with their deliveries. He had become more open to the outside world, talking to strangers without fear. In the morning, he would carry her down to breakfast and, in the evening, after she had read him his book, which was the only thing she could do for him right now, he would carry her back up again. He was so sweet, so kind – and he did it all without a single complaint. Never in her life had she been this well taken care of, by anyone.

The day she had sprained her ankle, she had seen him break down, though. It was not uncommon for him to have dark moods but, up to that point, she had never seen him cry. It had been hard for her, too. The only one she had ever opened up to about her childhood so far had been Edith, and that had been in a letter, not face to face. That had been different – there had been no direct reaction, and she had been able to contain her emotions. With Thomas... she didn't know why she had told him. He had kept going on about how she should get married, and she had... snapped. She had never been happier than she was here with him. What she had considered impossible a year ago had happened – she felt utterly comfortable in the company of a man. So much so that she did not want to leave. So when he had told her she should find herself a husband... she had wanted none of it.

She did want him, though. As he had cried in her arms, and she in his, she had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. And not just to comfort... She wanted love – passion – and everything that came with it.

She wasn't sure what to do with those feelings. They were so alien to her. She had never been anything but repulsed when she looked at a man. To want to kiss him, to want to feel his hands on her body – that feeling was so strange, she hardly knew what to do. Besides... he was her employer. It wasn't right.

And yet he was carrying her around like she was his princess, all with a smile on his face. She had tried to stop him, even though she loved the protective way he held her. But every time he did, she wanted him more, and it became hard to resist him.

She was watching him now as he was cooking. He was doing fine and didn't need her help at all... It frightened her... What if indeed he decided he didn't need her? Still... she would not undermine his self-confidence to keep him down. She was so proud of him.

Getting up, she took a small step to stand next to him. He immediately put an arm around her waist to support her. "Hey, what are you doing here? That ankle needs rest."

"That ankle is is almost healed, by your tender love and care. It doesn't hurt any more when I stand on it."

"You shouldn't overdo it, though." He looked ready to carry her back to her seat.

"Like you would let me," she smiled. Dinner was ready, and they ate together. Rain was lashing against the window. Poor Thomas was going to have to walk Pilot later on in that weather. She would have to make sure he'd wrap up well. It was a pity she couldn't go with them. But Pilot would never let anything bad happen to Thomas. The silly dog had fallen completely for the blind guy... as had she.

Her boys didn't stay out long. Janey had hardly even picked up her knitting needles before they came back in. It was really pouring down and even Pilot had found that it was no weather to be out and about.

"He pulled me right back in," Thomas said, brushing his coat off.

"Well, it does look pretty awful out there. Ready for some reading?" she asked, putting her needles aside.

"Yes... we had finished our last book, hadn't we?"

"We had... Do you want to pick a new book?"

"But I can't see what I am picking."

"Well then, it will be a surprise for us both. Go ahead and pick one... Unless you want me to get up?" she teased, knowing he would not let her get up.

"Alright, stay... I guess we can always pick another one if it's bad." There was a insecurity she couldn't place.

"Of course, just pick one." He came back and handed her the book. "Interesting... Not sure if it's good for reading."

Thomas fidgeted. Something was definitely wrong. "Janey, my father's library had some books... They are not meant for tender eyes. If you find such a book, just burn it."

She had no idea what he kind of book meant, but she doubted it was the he had just given her.

"Thomas, what are you talking about? I've got a book called _The Inventions, Researches, and Writings of Nikola Tesla._ "

"Oh... Goodness. I always wanted read that but I never found the time. He is an amazing inventor – I admire him so much! Yes, please read it to me. I don't know if it will do me much good now that I'm blind, but... It would be amazing."

It was great to see him excited. "Gladly. You were an inventor, weren't you? Before you went blind."

"Yes... I miss it sometimes. But without my eyes..." There was a flash of sadness.

"Well, let's start by reading this. And who knows... maybe you can teach me to be your eyes." It would be a fair trade, after all he had done. And at least she would not become completely redundant to him that way.

"You would do that for me?" Thomas beamed like she had never seen him smile before.

"Gladly."

After that, she started to read. It did not make much sense to her, if she was honest. But then again, she never had taken an interest in engineering before. For Thomas though, she would gladly learn. They stayed up late – the smile on his face when she read to him was so precious she didn't dare stop. Finally, though, he suggested they call it a night and then carried her upstairs.

She couldn't sleep. She had seen yet another side of him tonight, and it had made her love him even more. The inventor Thomas was a passionate and confident man without fear, though still as sweet and caring as the rest of him. She would do everything to everything to coax that side out, even if it meant learning a whole new profession.

Then, suddenly, Thomas screamed loudly into the pitch-dark night. Getting up, Janey immediately went to his side, ignoring her ankle which twinged in protest. It was nearly healed – she would manage.

"It's alright, Thomas. It's ok. No one will get you," she said, soothingly. She didn't know what demons he was fighting but he seemed to be in torment over something. Surely that talk about inventing had not brought on the bad dreams? It was part of his old life – maybe it had triggered something.

It was chilly in Thomas's room, and the fact that she was tired did not help. Quickly, she slipped under the covers, cradling him in her arms. It was not like he would know – despite the scream, he was still asleep, and she would be gone before the morrow. She would just stay with him until he calmed down...

 _Esmem83976 -There is more to Janey's hardship, but that will be revealed soon._

 _PrettyPants -And they are working on it_

 _smithsbabe65- Adorably broken... I like that term! And... not much longer, I promise._

 _Writingbliss36 – Glad you started, I hope you continue reading!_

 _belladu57 – Thank you_

And thanks to KatyForYou for liking my smutty OLLA one shot. Yes, my dear other readers, it is rated M so you have been warned.


	16. Chapter 16

As Thomas woke up that morning, he felt an unfamiliar weight on his shoulder. There was someone in bed with him... Janey. The smell of jasmine was unmistakable. But what was she doing here? Not that he minded having her here. It was just unexpected. He had been dreaming of her. Well, he had been dreaming of a beautiful woman with red hair, and somehow he had known it was her, though he really had no idea what she looked like. She had been laying on a bed before him. He had kissed her... And done some quite inappropriate things...

Now that he was awake, he had to remind himself that she was his servant and, more importantly, his friend that he did not want to lose... though there were certain parts of his body were not helping matters. Her closeness felt so good. It was hard enough to ignore this fact during the day as he carried her around, but now, still half in a slumber...

No! There was nothing sexual about their relationship, and he should not wish to make it so. However much he loved her, he was damaged goods. Besides, she had told that she did not want a relationship, not with any man. He couldn't blame her. And yet...

Softly, she whimpered "No... no, please... Don't hurt mummy... Please. I'll be good."

Those words, so familiar, cut like a knife. How many times had he begged his mother not to punish his sister? It never made a difference. With his father, he hadn't even tried... if the man had an audience, he would hit harder, as if it was a show. Vague images of other dreams from last night started coming to the surface. He had been chased... first by his father, then later by his sister, calling him a wicked boy. She had tried to stab him, not in the eye this time, but in his private parts, which had been aroused. He felt disgusted by himself, but his sister had just laughed, crying out "There is no pleasure without pain."

His nightmare was over now, but Janey was in the middle of hers, and the more he tried to calm her, the more she started to thrash and whimper. There was only one thing for it. "Janey... Wake up. It's alright, it's just a bad dream. No one will hurt you." He hugged her close, kissing the top of her head.

It woke her up... and startled her. She pushed away from him and nearly would have pushed herself out of bed had he not been holding on to her.

"Thomas..." she said, crawling back into his arms and finally settling against him. It was the sweetest sort of torture ever as he tried to keep his half-awoken manhood away from her.

"Janey, are you ok?" he gently asked.

"Hmmm...Yes... You had a bad dream. You screamed... I must have fallen asleep... sorry," she murmured softly.

He gently stroked her head. "You were having the bad dream, Janey."

"No no no... Last night, you were having a bad dream and screamed. So I came to see you. It was cold, so I slipped under the covers and I must have dozed of. I'm ever so sorry..."

Sweet Janey. Sweet, sweet, sweet Janey. She even took care of him in his sleep, chasing away the ghosts. He loved her even more for it. "It's fine. Thank you, in fact. You had a bad dream as well just now. Are you ok?"

"Yes... Yes I am, now." She curled back up to him.

He liked having her there by his side, it made him feel... like a different man – but he wasn't sure that was a good thing. Feeling stirred, feelings he had been trying to ignore, for they were far from appropriate. "Is it morning, yet?" he said, just so he would have something to say. What he really wanted to do was cuddle her closer, kiss her...

"I don't know... it's darkish, but it's raining. It could be anything between 5 and 11 am. You don't have a clock. But I suppose I could get up and check," she yawned, getting up.

He yanked her back more forcefully than he had been meaning to do, and she landed back on his shoulder wth a yelp. "Sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you ok? What I meant to say was that if the weather is awful, why should we get up?"

"I'm fine, you didn't hurt me, just surprised me, that's all. But we need to have breakfast at some point. And, besides, this is not my bed. It's not appropriate. I should not have imposed myself on you like that. Really, I'm so sorry," she apologised.

"Don't. Who cares? There is no one here to judge us. I'm glad you came. I haven't had a nightmare since you have been here." All he felt was grateful. Grateful that she cared.

There was a slight hesitation. "You have had them... several. I heard you scream, so I came over the second night I was here... I went to you and sat beside you till you calmed down. I've done it several times since."

She was... doing this on a regular basis? All so he could sleep in peace? "Janey... You shouldn't. What about your sleep?"

"It's ok. You sound so tormented sometimes... I wouldn't want to be alone either," was her simple answer.

"Thank you. But I still don't think you should waste precious sleep time on me." He pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head.

She lifted up her head from his shoulder and scrutinized him... Or at least, that was what it felt like, as she said nothing and did not stir any further. Then, before he knew it, two of the softest lips pressed against his. He was too stunned to reciprocate. For so long he had convinced himself that he was unlovable, especially now that the outside matched his wicked inside. She was kissing him. It was a dream come true, and yet... He knew was a wicked boy, just like his sister had said. There was a darkness there he could not shake and he could certainly not expose Janey to it. Not in a million years could he be worthy of love, especially from someone so pure and kind. When he thought of the things he wanted to do with this innocent girl... He knew he should not. It would not be fair to her, and he doubted she would be able to handle it after what she had told him. If he kissed her back, it could only lead to hurt for her in the long run, when she found out who he really was, what he had really done. He had failed the people he loved all his life. Why would anyone want to be with a monster like him?

Yet, if the kiss was anything to go by, she wanted him... and he wanted her so badly... it was torture of the sweetest kind. Why had he spoken about love and marital relations? It had been excruciating for them both, and probably sent her head in a spin. What kind of evil man was he to tempt such an angel?

Still, he loved her so so much. The idea of her ever leaving him was excruciating. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, forever. She deserved love, even if he did not, and he felt a cad for denying her. He was about show her the beauty of love,and kiss her in return with all of his might, when he felt her waiver.

And then she ran from the room...

* * *

 _With David Bowie and Alan Rickman dying in one week I gotta say I felt sick to my stomach, and in no mood to write, so it took some effort to pull myself together. I loved them both... And that was exactly why I combined their two most iconic roles when I created Green Eyes. It made sense, they are connected, and similar in a way. It's not finished, but I'm more than ever determined to do so, though I need a while to get over their loss. They will be missed._

 _Sparky She-Demon : Yes, of course. Else these kids will never get it. And glad you liked Cold Blood_

 _Princess PrettyPants : Actually, no. Not more than usual anyways, haunting his dreams._

 _Harlequin Shadow: Welcome, and glad you like it._

 _Smithsbabe65 : I actually make a point of making Janey as far from Lucille as possible, but also from Edith. Thomas had woman upon woman rule his life with an iron grip, and it is time to be himself. For the twist in Cold Blood I suggest you read up on Lilith. Jim Jarmush did not mean the biblical Adam and Eve with them, but I'm telling you he made a mistake there (oh dear, Tom don't kill me please) See there is a whisper of another wife for Adam, before Eve there was Lilith, created not from the rib of a man, but equal from the same dust. She was not submissive enough for Adam though, they argued and in the end, she walked out. Adam was none too pleased, and neither was God, they tried to get her back by threatening her, but she refused. And rumor is she became a night demon... Perhaps the first vampire. Yes Jim, you missed out there, what better revenge than turning Adams and Eves throughout time._

 _Ravenstag : Thank you for all the reviews, I loved reading them. I hope you have caught up. And don't worry, I fell for Thomas too because there is such a fragile side to him... And so did Janey._

 _Belco: I'm glad you liked it._


	17. Chapter 17

What had she done? Janey was in her room, pacing back and forth... which made her ankle hurt. She didn't care. She felt lost. Why... Why had she kissed him? Her boss... He was her employer, not a friend... and certainly not a lover. And yet, she seemed to have totally forgotten that... forgotten convention... imagining all sorts of things between them that just weren't there.

Worse, she had taken advantage of him. Of a defenceless blind man. Could she be any more pathetic? She hated herself right now. And yet she loved him... But he obviously he did not reciprocate her feelings.

She heard a knock on her door. "Please Janey, we have to talk."

How long could she stall – and pretend this wasn't happening. It felt gut-wrenching – as if someone was sawing her in two. If she could just go back... "I'll be right down and make you breakfast. After that... I'll wire to have me replaced, alright?"

"Replace you? What are you talking about? Please Janey, don't leave. I love having you here. You love being here. Let's talk. Let me in." He tried to turn the doorknob, but it was locked.

She stared at the door indecisively. If she let him in...That would be the end. One last conversation, until he reached the same conclusion she had. She couldn't stay, not after the way she behaved. And she wasn't sure if she could stop herself if it happened again.

Well, maybe that wasn't such a problem. He did not want her, after all. Why else had he not kissed her back? She still loved him though, and far more than she had realised. How could she be with him, day in and day out, if her love weren't reciprocated? How could she cook for him, care for him, touch him, all without feeling?

She also couldn't let him just stand there... she could hear the desperation in his voice. So, she opened her door. "Sorry... I don't know why I did that. I shouldn't have."

He reached out for her, taking her in his arms, holding her close to him. It hurt – she wanted it so much, but she knew it wasn't possible.

"Janey, Janey, I love you so much," he whispered into her hair.

"Just not like that," she murmured, pushing away. "I understand." She was on the verge of tears, but she would not allow herself to give in. The last thing she needed was his pity. A clean break, that was what was needed. "I know I went too far this morning. So, I will pack my bags, and be out of your way."

"What are you talking about?" He looked genuinely confused.

"I'm sorry I kissed you, alright? I know you don't find me desirable. Why would you? I'm just plain Janey." She tried to leave but he wouldn't let her. Instead, he pulled her back in her arms.

"Let me go, Thomas. Please!" she cried. This was torture. Part of her wanted to melt away in those arms that felt so safe. But it meant nothing, she reminded herself.

"Not before you listen to me. You're wrong. It's me who is ugly. You are a beautiful woman. The most beautiful I... never saw. I love you more than words can say. You have a beautiful heart, Janey. But... I do not. I'm a horrible man. I'm not right for you – or anyone else, for that matter. You don't know my past, Janey. And I don't know if you will want to know me once you do. You probably won't."

Was that it? His past? His guilt? Was that what it boiled down to in the end? Was that why... She hardly dared to hope. But if that was all... "I know who you are. I know what happened up there in that house. Edith told me everything. We became friends three years ago. She is a wonderful woman, the closest thing I have to family, even though we only met a few times. She told me about you, her, and your sister, your childhood in that horrid home, your wives, the ghosts, the horrors... "

"You know what I did?... And you still came?" he asked. His face was clouded over. He looked more defeated than ever. "I'm a monster. Luckily, I'm blind now, so I can't harm anyone any more.

She wanted to hug him, but right now she wasn't sure what to do. All she could do was talk. "You're a victim. You didn't hurt anyone. Your sister murdered those people."

Thomas shrugged. "I lacked the will to do anything. Their deaths are as much my fault for keeping silent. I knew... Not everything maybe, but enough to know what was going on was wrong. I could have stopped her. But I didn't, which makes me as guilty as she is."

"She was family. And, by the sound of it, the only one you had. The only one who cared. It's so hard to go against that." She knew that better than anyone. She still loved her mother... despite everything.

"We did things together... Things that were not right." It sounded like a apology.

She knew horrible things had happened. Some had appalled her. But that was before she had met him and learned what a wonderful and loving man he was. She had forgiven him a long time ago. "You mean the fact you were lovers. Edith told me that, too. I'm not going to pretend I understand that part. But you loved her. You did not force yourself on her, did you?"

Thomas violently shook his head. "Never! She was my everything. The only person that had ever loved me. She needed me. Even if it was all so twisted... I would never have hurt her. She already was in so much pain. There was so little love in our lives that when she touched me... It felt good to feel love... Pleasure. That was such a rare thing in our lives. So, I did what she told me to do... to make her happy... even though I knew somewhere it was wrong. That you did not do this with your sister. But I was wicked anyway, and so was she. So, it did not matter."

"I understand, Thomas." She could not help herself now – tears started rolling down her face.

He continued his story, unaware. "She always took blame for me, took the punishment. I owed it to her to give her some happiness at least. She was beaten... So violently. Whilst I would hide... till it was over... I'm still hiding, aren't I?"

She stayed quiet for a while, thinking about it, furiously wiping the tears from her face. "Yes... But, in my own way, so am I, probably." She had hidden away from everyone that had tried to come close. And now she was planning to run away from the one man that really mattered to her. Could she really do that? Especially... if there was hope?

"You? But you are brave," he said disbelievingly.

"No, I'm not. I keep everyone at arm's length, afraid they will hurt me. Because they will – they always have. I love it here, because I don't have to depend on anyone, except you. I trust you." Even if she couldn't explain it, she felt safe with him.

"I'm not right to be around. Maybe you are right to leave. If you only knew how many people I let down.." No... not now.

"But you didn't let Edith down. Not when it mattered. You never let me down. Your only fault is that you are too sweet. You care so much that you let people walk all over you. You let Mrs Allsop terrorise you, didn't you?"

"Yes... How can you stand to be with a man that is so weak?"

"Because you make me feel safe. I know you'd never hurt me."

"I'm not much use when it comes to protecting you, though." She saw him pull away again. It was now or never, or she'd lose him for good.

"But you'd do it anyway." She knew he would – no matter the consequences, he would keep her safe. He had changed in that respect – she had seen him change these past few weeks when he had been taking care of her. He wasn't afraid to stand up to people any more.

He nodded. "Yes. I'd sacrifice my life to save you."

"And that, Thomas Sharpe, is why I love you." It felt like her heart was breaking all over again. She threw her arms around him and held on for dear life.

"I love you too." His hands found her face, forcing her to look at him. He sought her lips and kissed her. It was like a burden was released from her shoulders. "I loved you from the day you walked in here."

That surprised her, and she took a step away to take him all in. "But I boss you around. Like your sister did."

"You?" He laughed through his tears. It felt so good, she started to smile as well. He loved her. "You do nothing of the sort. You made me live again. Actually, no. You made me live for the first time. Free from fear and darkness. You are nothing like my sister."

"I tell you what to do," she argued.

"Yes, but if I said no, would you still make me do it?"

"Of course not. You never say no, though." Not as far as she could remember.

"Because I never need to. I love the things we do together. The walks. The reading... the dancing, though I'm sure I look ridiculous."

"Surprisingly, you don't. You look quite dashing. I feel like a princess."

"Kiss me." His tone was quite demanding. More so than she had ever heard him use before – but she wasn't scared.

"Are you ordering me, Mr Sharpe?" she said, although her tone was begging him to do just that.

He held out his hands for her to grab. "Never."

"I guess that's ok then." She sat him down on the bed and then climbed onto his lap. Then she kissed him until he fell backwards. Her man.

* * *

 _Esmem83976 : I wouldn't say weird. Yes I know you are doing a happy dance right now. In fact you all probably are._

 _Elsie girl : Yes Pilot is one of the winks to Jane Eyre_

 _Belco : He is getting around to it as you see-through_

 _TheLadyBookworm: Your mind needs to be in writing mode... But it's back_

 _smithsbabe65 : You knew Lilith? Have I told you yet I absolutely adore you? HUGS! For Blind Monster: We got off the snail's pace. Certain things needed to be said, but now they are out in the open... all bets are off._


	18. Chapter 18

He did not deserve to be this happy. But he was. Janey was in his arms, showering him with kisses. She had not let him go since this morning – and neither had he let go her. It felt so good. Breakfast had been made whilst she leaned back against him, and they had walked Pilot hand in hand. He had carried her home, as her ankle had been playing up. And now she was sitting in his lap on the couch. Nobody had ever loved him like this before. No lies, no parading around like he was someone else. She loved him. How had he gotten this lucky, after all the horrible things he had been part of?

"Why the frown, Mr Sharpe?" Janey suddenly asked, tracing his brow.

It pulled him from his dark thoughts. He hadn't realised it had been showing. "What?"

"You are frowning." There was some accusation in her voice, but also playfulness.

He sighed. "It's nothing."

"I'm just a terrible kisser?" She tried to sound light, but he could hear the hesitation and uncertainty in her voice.

He could kick himself for being so stupid... Anything but hurt her. "No! You are a wonderful kisser. Why would you say such a thing?"

She shrugged, wobbling on his lap. "Well, I don't have much experience. I have no experience, really. The one guy that did kiss me, I kicked him in the balls. Deservedly so, I might add... He tried to...Get a lot further... And he was a bully."

He wanted to hit the jerk himself, but what could he do? "Was he one of the men that wanted to break you?"

"Yes." By the way she was moving, he could feel she was trying to pull away.

He had reminded her of hurtful events, on top of making her insecure. Maybe he was the jerk. Or at least an idiot. "I'm so sorry..."

She cupped his face. "What did I tell you about apologising for things that are not your fault?"

"That was not an apology. I just... Someone hurt you. I want to... I don't know... Do something to make it better."

"You are doing something to make it better. Well, you will do if you stop frowning, and teach me how to kiss you properly."

She wasn't scolding him him, but he still felt bad. "Believe me, you are a natural. Kissing you is heaven. I just... You know everything. How can you still love me?" He couldn't understand how she could do that when he could not even forgive himself.

Now she sighed. "Do we have to talk about that? It brings up so much hurt."

"I can deal with that." His past was dark but, by reminding himself of it, he made sure he did not become that way. He needed it, in order to stay sane.

Her tone sharpened. "But I can't. I don't like thinking of what happened to me. It's over, I'm safe now. I don't want to dwell in that past, or it will pull me under. And I'm not going to let him win."

It confused him. "Let who win?"

"My father. Let's just say that, when Edith described your father to me, I recognised a lot of my own in him. He was a cruel drunkard that liked it when we suffered and shivered in fear of him."

Only at that moment did he realise that she had been talking about her own darkness. He knew so little about her. Because he had not wanted to talk about himself, afraid she would hate him, he had not dared to asked. But now he wanted to know. No skeleton in her closet could possibly match his. Just like her father, his father had constantly blamed his mother. It had broken her, and his sister... And him too. He started to understand Janey better. "Is that why you push men away?"

"Mostly. The rest of them weren't very nice either. Like I said before, I got taunted a lot for my red hair. And then there was this man I kicked. He thought he owned me, because his father had married my mother. My mother remarried after my father's death, you see. We were dirt poor, so she had no other choice. And she married a good man, even though he was a lot older. Old enough to be my grandad. But he treated us good. He sent me to school, made sure I got a proper education. When I was nineteen, he got sick, though, so his son came and took over. And his son wasn't kind at all. He tried to force himself on me several times... Luckily, we were interrupted every time. Until the last time, when he had me locked in a barn. He looked just like my father, dark and looming. I kicked and clawed my way out of there. I remember his jaw bleeding as I scratched his face... When my mother found out, she was furious... Not at him though, but at me. She said I had ruined everything. I left that night, and I haven't seen her since."

She had started to weep, and Thomas could kick himself for pushing her so far. "I'm sorry... I wish I could take away the pain." As he pulled her in his arms, he felt her tremble.

"You're not the one who hurt me. I know you would never do such a thing," she murmured in his shoulder.

Again he was touched by her faith in him. "I wish I was. I live in daily fear of turning out like them. My mother, my father, my sister. They were all cruel in their own right. How can I be any different?"

She dried her tears. "Because you care. And you never stopped caring. My mother, she stopped caring... I don't want to talk about that right now, though. But you did what you did because you cared for your sister..."

"But not for my wives. Not enough, at least, or I would have stopped my sister. I knew it was wrong. But I was too weak... Too weak." He shook his head. The guilt would always haunt him, he feared.

"You are free of that now. Stronger. And you're not to blame. You haven't hurt anyone."

"I hurt many people with my weakness, I hurt Edith." And it pained him that he couldn't change it.

"She is over that. And it made her stronger," she said soothingly.

"No one should become stronger like that." He felt tears starting to roll down his cheeks and cursed himself for his weakness. Janey needed him this time round, and yet she was there for him.

"You are right. Neither should you. But it happened. And you came out on the other side a kind and gentle man. I'm not afraid of you Thomas, and neither should you be," she hugged him.

"I wish I could be that certain. I want you to be safe with me."

"I am. I know I am safe with you. You won't harm me." There was no uncertainty in her voice this time round.

How could he ever be worthy of the faith she had in him? "I don't deserve you."

"Too bad, you'll have to make do with me." She curled up close to his chest.

"You know I don't mean it like that. I love you, Janey. More than anything," he said pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 _Sparky She-demon: And even more happiness to follow_

 _Esmem83976: No no, not the end. Not by far._

 _PrincessPrettyPants: Yay! See, you you would be happy._

 _Smithsbabe65: More revelations, and more acceptance to come. It feels good to have them together. And important to show their love is real, and not build on false impressions like with Edith, where I get the idea that they both just had an ideal image of the other one, which turned out false._


	19. Chapter 19

All Janey's dreams had come true it seemed – dreams she hadn't even known she had. Love had never been in the cards... but here it was. But, even thought she loved him, and was happy he was so loving, she wished he would stop being so insecure about himself. If he truly had that evil inside him, it would have come out by now – she was sure of that. In contrast, he had only become more loving. And that couldn't have been easy. However, as much as she tried to reassure him, she couldn't take away his fears.

It was time to go to bed... She wasn't sure what to do as they reached the top of the stairs. Was she going to her own bed? Or was she going to join him?

"Goodnight Janey," he said, softly kissing her neck. It felt so good, she didn't want to move.

"Goodnight, I suppose."

"What is wrong? Don't you want to go to bed?" he asked as he noticed she hadn't stirred.

"Not without you."

"I could come with you." The kiss moved to her mouth. Feelings stirred inside her. It felt confusing. She wanted him, but... it scared her at the same time.

"But... I'm not sure I'm ready for... more than kissing. Could we just sleep?" she asked, seeking a compromise.

"Of course... I would never push myself on you. But I would love to hold you tonight... I still don't understand how you can be so understanding... of me. Of all that what happened. Are you sure Edith told you everything?" It was the question that had been hanging between them all day, and she still wasn't sure how to reassure him, other than confirm her love for him.

"Yes, Thomas. You are lovable, trust me. Very lovable. You make me feel safe." Maybe she had to tell him everything after all. Maybe she had to make him see he wasn't alone in his pain. She took her top off. It was brazen, but it needed to be done "I want to show you something. Well, make you feel something. Put your arms around me."

"You're naked," he said, shocked as he touched her bare skin.

"Yes. That's not what this is about. Feel my back." It was time to tell him everything.

He recognised it immediately as he put his hands on her. "You... you were lashed. My sister's back was like that. My father would whip her to pieces."

"My father lashed me regularly. One time, he nearly killed me. It was over nothing. He said I hadn't closed a gate properly, so stock had gotten out. In fact, it turned out afterwards that he had been the one to leave it open. He wasn't sorry either. The next week, he was dead." She felt strangely calm. It felt so far away now, as if it had happened to someone else.

"How?" he asked.

The next part of the story she had never told to anybody. "Well, everyone turned a blind eye... But my mother killed him. Put a pillow over his head and suffocated him when he got drunk again. Everyone knew what he was like. No one did anything. So, when he nearly killed me, something in her snapped. She murdered him. Unfortunately, it never snapped back. She became cold after that... distant. I lost them both that day. My father, but also my mother. She still took care of me, but it was like she wasn't really there. So, from there on, I was alone."

He pulled her close to his chest. "Oh Janey... I'll always be there for you – do you hear me? You'll always have a home here."

She smiled with relief – he had reacted just as she had hoped he would. With him, she was free – there was no need to keep secrets. Here she was safe, enveloped in his arms. "I love you so much."

He kissed her shoulder, gently without urgency. It caused her earlier feelings to flare up. She suddenly decided she wanted more and started untying his cravat. She loved him, and he loved her. There was nothing to be afraid of.

"Janey? What are you doing?" he asked, startled.

"I want you, Thomas." The doubt melted away.

"Are you sure? I don't want to force you."

"You and force? I should be asking if I am forcing you."

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" His arms tightened around her as he pulled her closer.

She moved her lips up to his ear and whispered, "Show me."

He lifted her up, carrying her to bed without bumping into it. Gently, he lay her down like she was more precious than gold and then started to undressing.

"My work is done. You don't need me any more," she said, watching his sure movements.

"Are you kidding me? I need you more than ever. I love you. In fact, will you marry me?" He kneeled beside her, taking her hand.

Janey was quiet. "Sorry, Thomas... I can't... I don't want to lose... I just can't. I do love you."

"I know. You're scared. It's alright. Maybe I'm not the best husband anyway, not with my track record. I love you either way. To live in sin... I've sinned worse."

"Our love is not a sin,"she said adamantly.

He shook his head."It isn't... Of course it isn't. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. Our love is real, and nothing can change that. I'm not going to push you into something you are not ready for. So if you want to, we can stop this right now, and I'll simply hold you as promised."

"I don't want to stop. I want you. Just marriage..." It scared her. Even though he was nothing like her father. As long as she was unmarried, she was in control. "I really love you. And I want to be with you... all the way."

"And I love you." Thomas stayed on the floor though. There seemed to be hesitation on his part.

It made her nervous. "Don't you want me?"

"Of course I do! I just... I'm blind. I... It's going to be different. And I don't want to hurt you." His fingers toyed deftly with his cravat.

"I'm not afraid of that. Let's do it like we always do. Use your hands, and let me guide you." She pulled him up until he was on the bed with her.

"H-have you been with a man before?" He was nervous... So was she, but she wasn't going to give into that. Not now.

"No. I'm the girl that let no one come close, remember?" Except for him. From the moment she had come here, she had felt this bond, like that of two lost souls that had finally found each other.

"I feel privileged." Gently, he stroked her back.

"Yes. I want you." She kissed his neck and continued to undress him.

"You know I can do that myself, right?" he smiled.

"I do.. But I want you now." It was like unwrapping a gift.

She bared his chest, revealing not just the pale skin underneath, but also the scars. She had seen them before, but never like this. All she wanted to do was kiss them all away. Every hurt, every pain... and then he pulled her close to him again.

* * *

 _Only two reviews? I hope you still like it because there is more to come, you know... Things are getting... heated._

 _Esmem83976 : It's only going to better for them now thy are together._

 _Sparky She-Demon : Both of them are their own worse enemy, but luckily they are also very understanding towards eachother._


	20. Chapter 20

Her lips were on his chest, and Thomas shivered. Lust and love were pulsating through him, but he couldn't rid himself of the feeling that this was wrong. Even though Janey had said she wanted him, it still felt like he was taking advantage of her. How could a monster like him ever be worthy of an angel like her? "I have made many mistakes in my life, and I know I don't deserve you..."

A finger was placed on his lips. "Shhh, it doesn't matter. I don't care." She placed more kisses along his collarbone, her naked body pressed against him, stirring up feelings that were hard to deny.

She should not be trying to comfort him. He wanted to be there for her. To protect her as best he could. "It does. You need to know I love you more than anything. I promise you, I will never fail you."

Janey sighed and turned away. "That's a promise that's impossible to keep, Thomas."

He could have slapped himself. "I will do my best to honour you every day of your life, though. I want you to feel safe."

"Thomas, you make me feel safer than I ever felt in my life. Now please..." There was desperation in her voice. Make love to me, that was what she was saying. He felt nervous... he wanted to take charge but, more than anything, he wanted to do this right – for her.

He kissed her neck, taking in her scent. "You're beautiful."

"How can you tell?" It sounded defiant.

Why couldn't she believe she was gorgeous? "I can feel it," he whispered softly in her ear. He did not need eyes to know she was beautiful. She smelled beautiful... the softness of her lips was beautiful... the curve of her breasts... the gentleness of her touch... the sound of her voice. But most beautiful of all was her soul. Where everyone else saw a monster, she could see goodness. She had faith in him where he had not. So what was holding him back?

He rolled her onto her back and trailed kisses down her chest. He was going to do this right. He was going to make her squeal with delight. Because he loved her. As he kissed her breast and then sucked her nipple, he heard her breath hitch. Her fingers got tangled in his curls.

He kissed further down. As he reached her belly, she giggled, so he stopped for a moment.

"Don't!" The grip on his curls tightened for a second.

"Don't what?" He grinned as he looked up. Well, he couldn't see her, but he wished he could. He was sure that there was no more beautiful sight on earth.

"Don't stop... Please?" She sounded so insecure... He had never heard her like that. Like she thought he would leave her now. Reject her.

He could never do that. "I wasn't planning to."

She was still dressed from the waist down. He hooked her fingers in her skirt and the layers underneath and gently peeled them off her body, following the curve of her hips. As he let his hands run over her body, he tried to imagine her creamy white skin, set off by that flaming red hair.

"My little sprite," he whispered hoarsly.

"I feel so naked." Her hand tried to cover the breast he had been kissing.

Her shyness was endearing. "That's because you are... Close your eyes."

"Then we will both be blind."

"Just feel. Trust me."

"Always."

She got the gentlest kiss right on her sex for that, which made her shiver. It was all new to her, he realised. Who was he to take her innocence? On the other hand, who was he to deny her, when she was practically begging him to love her? She wanted him, she had told him time and again. She felt safe with him. And he loved her more than he dared to think about, afraid it would all be taken away again. But not tonight. Tonight he'd show her love.

His hands caressed her buttocks, her thighs as he wrapped her legs over his shoulders. She was so soft, so sensual, and she had no idea... It made him strain against his trousers. But, as much as he wanted her, he wanted her to be ready, to enjoy it without pain. To relax, for he could feel the tension run through her body. As much as she claimed she wanted him, she was also nervous.

So he let his tongue caress her clit, until she started bucking against him. Her moans grew louder – it was like music to his ears. He couldn't help but smile as her hand found his and she squeezed it, first gently, then harder as an orgasm took over and she shuddered.

The straining of his manhood grew intolerable now, and he took off his trousers. This was it. He gently hovered over her, positioning himself. He had to ask one more time, even though he was almost at the point of no return.

"Are you sure?" he softly whispered. His cock was already pressing against her opening, and it took everything to restrain himself.

Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him passionately, wrapping herself around him. It wasn't an answer though and he was not moving without her permission. Finally, she said yes, and he thrust himself inside of her.

She went rigid, which frightened him. What if he had been wrong, and she wasn't ready.? Of course... She was a virgin, clueless... She probably had not fully understood what he asked permission for. He was robbing his angel of her innocence, and hurting her in the process. He dared not move, either way.

"Thomas, are you alright?" she asked, sounding a little scared.

"Yes... Yes. Are you?" He softly stroked her back.

She clung to him."Yes."

"No...No pain?"

"Not really...It's supposed to hurt a little, isn't it?"

As tight as she was, it wasn't a surprise, but he didn't want her in pain. The ultimate bliss for him, but not when she was hurt. "Let me kiss it better." As his lips sought hers, her legs closed around him, and he couldn't help but thrust. She whimpered, which made him want to stop again.

"Don't stop," she urged as if she knew.

So... That was a good whimper. He did it again, eliciting another moan. Slowly but surely, he started building up a rhythm, as her moans grew louder. Finally, as he could no longer hold back himself, she shouted his name, and he found a release he had never felt before, free from guilt or sadness. There was no one but her in the moment. Janey, sweet Janey, her scent, her softness, her warmth. He wanted to stay there forever... but, before long, his body started feeling heavy and he had to roll off her to avoid crushing her. She whimpered.

"Come here, my lovely sprite," he said, beckoning her towards him.

She nestled on his shoulder. "Thank you."

"No Janey. Thank you... For taking pity on an old wretch like me."

This made Janey sit up. "That was not pity! I love you."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I love you too, Janey. And I want nothing more than to make you happy." He pulled her into another kiss.

Her body formed herself to his, holding him tight. "You did Thomas, you did."

* * *

 _Princess Prettypants: They love eachother enough to let the other free. That is enough for now_

 _Sparky She-Demons: The ghost in CP are warnings from the past... I don't think they need that right now._

 _Belco: Glad you like it._

 _Smithsbabe65: Glad you are back. It's not even so much the freedom than the fact that he understands how hard this must be for Janey which makes him act so carefully. He loves her and he wants her to find true happiness, give her the experience of a lifetime. Basically it's another tender way of expressing his love and respect to her, although he does also take charge, which I found very important. Lucille and Edith initiated their physical relationship, Lucille when Thomas was still to young to understand, Edith did it with his consent but still was the one taking charge. This time it's Thomas' choice and responsibility, one he takes very serious._

 _TheLadyBookworm : I'm sorry to hear about your pain, but glad I can offer some distraction. Consider this chapter dedicated to you._


	21. Chapter 21

Janey woke up in his arms. Warm, safe, comforting, bliss. No bad dreams had haunted her tonight... Or Thomas. She was sure that, if he had stirred or cried out, she would have woken up... but there he was, looking more peaceful than she had ever seen him. Last night had been wonderful... magical…. beyond words really. Thomas was tender yet passionate, as a lover and as a man. Too perfect almost, though she couldn't imagine him being any other way. And that was why she loved him. And why she found it hard to believe he loved her.

Janey had all but resigned to become an old spinster. Love had never been an option – the danger that came with letting people close was just to great. Men especially. Until she met Thomas. He had shown her that it was possible to believe in goodness without knowing it. And she admired him greatly for it.

He looked beautiful, slumbering like this. The face of an angel. She kissed him gently on his cheek.

His eyelids fluttered. "Hello beautiful, finally awake?" he said, slowly opening them.

"Hey, you were the one with your eyes closed. I am fully awake," she said, putting her arms around him. He immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Maybe I fell asleep again... I was just listening to you in your sleep," he yawned. "No bad dreams tonight, eh?"

"Only wonderful ones of you... Make love to me again… Please." Janey wanted more. She wanted him to possess her. Never in a million years would she have thought that she would ever want anything of a man, but the feeling of him inside her... It filled her with desire.

He kissed her... and her stomach growled. "After breakfast. I promise," he said, turning to get up.

"But I want you now." Her stomach, though, definitely had other ideas. "Ignore that."

"I most certainly will not. I will feed you, and only then I will make love to you." His tone was strict... But there was a smile on his face. He was taking care of her, and she liked it. Even if it didn't get her what she desired.

"When did you become so demanding?" she complained.

He wrapped her in his arms. "Since I fell in love with a very stubborn woman. She is lovely, but she demands things go her way, even if that is not in her best interest, because she insist on taking care of me. So, I decided to look out for her, whether she likes it or not. Because I love her more than life. You mean everything to me, Janey."

She frowned. "You make me sound very pushy."

"In the best possible way, trust me. I want to spoil you, Janey."

"You know I don't want that. I'm not some leech that takes advantage of you. I'm with you because I love you."

"I know, and that is exactly why I want to make all your dreams come true. So, what do you dream of, Janey?"

"You, making love to me," she said trying to coax him into another kiss.

"I told you, after breakfast. Or during, if you are good..." he held her in his arms. "You have no idea how much I want you, but I won't let you starve."

"Alright, I relent," she said, grabbing her robe.

"It's just because I love you."

"Then it's probably a good thing I love you too. What else would I do with a stubborn man that insists of taking care of me in every possible way," she said, getting up. Her ankle hurt a bit this morning but she wasn't going to let it stop her today. Life was... Too good to be true. It was frightening. Things like this did not happen to girls like her. How did she end up with her own handsome, loving prince, who was rich to boot? Not that she cared about his money. Alright, there were some scratches on him. He was scarred, body and soul... but it was what made him even more perfect to her. And, despite his scars, he was still very beautiful. With that alabaster skin and fine toned muscle, his was like the body of a god, the ones the Romans had carved out of marble. Before, she had never felt anything but contempt for the male body... until that first time she had seen him in the tub. There had been something... a stirring she hadn't dared to formulate. It was a miracle she had been able to resist him as long as she had. Of course, it was easier if he had something on, and not standing naked before her, that gorgeous cock of his standing to attention. Didn't that mean...

"What is wrong, beautiful?" he got up, pressing his naked form against her.

She rolled her eyes, "Put something on."

"What, don't you like my naked form?" He was joking, teasing, smiling. She hadn't ever seen him this happy. It filled her with warmth, knowing it was because of her.

"No... It's far too distracting... I want you so badly."

He let a hand wander under her robe, to her hot centre She knew she was wet, and it had been solely from watching him. Was she really that wanton now? Well, she supposed she was.. And she didn't care

"Alright. A quick one," he finally relented. He pushed her against the wall, kissing her neck, his heat radiating through her. "Are you ready for me?"

Her "Yes" was more of a whimper, but it had the desired effect, as he lifted her up, wrapping her legs around him, and shafted himself deep inside of her.

"You have no idea what you do to me, Janey," he whispered hoarsely. It looked as if he was trying to restrain himself for her benefit.

"You do the same to me. Take me." She clung onto him as he drove into her, again and again, until she exploded, shouting his name. It indeed was a quick one, but it had been exactly what she had been after. She didn't need his riches. She needed him.

"For the first time, I don't mind being wicked," he smiled, leaning into her as he got his breath back.

"You're not wicked. You are the loveliest, most wonderful man I ever met," she said as she sought his mouth.

Their kiss was cut short by the bell ringing in the hallway. Janey felt a shock go through her body.

"Oh my god, it's ten o'clock," she realised, looking at the clock on her nightstand.

"Then that is probably Catherine."

Catherine was their potato supplier, a lovely lady that brought the potatoes every Thursday. "We are not dressed. We can't go like this."

"Well then..." He kissed her deeply, before going to his room. "We can't leave her waiting forever."

"I'll go," Janey yelled after him, frantically trying to find some clothes she could open the door in. She could see, surely she could be faster than Thomas...

Before she even had her shoes on though, she saw him going down the stairs, perfectly dressed and totally in control. It was the complete opposite from the man she had seen that first day, although... "Thomas, your hair." His curls were a gorgeous wild mess. He quickly ran his hand through them. Janey realised she didn't look much better. In fact, she looked utterly and truly ravished... Which she was.

* * *

 _Xitlali : Glad you like it... This is not smut, this is true love... Lol_

 _Biddle29: Great you are enjoying it! Well, I try to keep them coming._

 _smithsbabe65: I think the lovely thing about Thomas is that he doesn't push her, he lets her know the door is open, but he doesn't push her into marriage. It's up to her, and he just feels lucky for what he has._

 _Oh and since Fanfiction does not have a High Rise category, I had to resort to posting my *smut* story on Archive Of Our own. Same pen name, title: "Guilty Pleasures"... Well good evening Mr Laing..._


	22. Chapter 22

Thomas knew he needed to see Catherine alone for a minute, without Janey there. If he was correct, she was carrying a parcel that Janey had no idea about. It would be perfect after last night to present her with this, even though he wasn't sure if she was going to like it... In fact he was pretty sure she was bound to protest, but he had bought it for her anyway.

Janey deserved something gorgeous that made her shine and, if she was not going to buy it for herself, he would do it for her. The fact that this was probably the most rebellious thing he had ever done made him smile. But then again, Janey was different, and she gave him the sort of confidence he had never known he had.

She put herself down a lot though, saying she wasn't worth it. She could be immensely fierce, but once it got to her appearance, she would start to depreciate herself. It wasn't just false modesty, he noticed. She was genuinely convinced she was not beautiful. And Thomas was genuinely convinced it wasn't true. Catherine had confirmed it, calling her a diamond in the rough but, even if she hadn't, he knew Janey possessed a kind of beauty that most people could only dream about.

Her appearance was not why he loved Janey... He had loved her from the day she stepped into his life... But it had set him on a quest to make her see her outside beauty. With her dress torn because she had saved him, he had been determined to get her a new one. One that did her justice, rather than make her look dowdy. Which was where Catherine came in.

She was a lovely, funny woman that had kindly greeted Thomas from the first day she came round with her potatoes. She acknowledged him, made a conversation which included him, and never ignored him like many other people did as soon as they noticed he was blind. When she had learned about Janey's accident, she had immediately been round to see if she could help – not for money, just to be a good friend. She was the ideal person to help Janey get a dress. And not something dowdy and practical... though not too impractical either, as he knew Janey would never wear it otherwise... but something to make her shine.

"Where is Janey?" she asked carefully as she greeted him.

"Upstairs... For now. Do you have it?" He so hoped she did... He also hoped this morning's activities could not still be read on his face. Then again, not everyone had the mind-reading skills Janey seemed to possess when it came to him.

"I do. I had a peek and it's as gorgeous as we hoped. Where do you want me to put it?"

"Give it to me, I'll put it in the library, where I am sure she will find it later."

The package was thrust in his hands. "And what will you tell her? The pixies left it for her?" Catherine chortled kindly.

Thomas laughed with her. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. It's probably the only way she will accept it."

"She is too nice for her own good." Catherine said, and Thomas wholeheartedly agreed.

He smuggled the dress in just before Janey came down. Catherine left her wares in the pantry, and had a cup of tea and a chat with them before setting out again. Neither of them had the heart to tell Catherine they were starving because they hadn't eaten yet.

As she left, Thomas sank him teeth into an apple, feeling absolutely ravenous.

"You were right, we should have eaten first," Janey giggled as she followed his example.

"Sorry, I should have offered you one first." Thomas berated himself on his lack of chivalry. The lack of sustenance was affecting his brain, as was her nearness. He wanted her.

He got a kiss on his nose."Not to worry...,I can handle myself, Mister Sharpe,"she said playfully, which made his desire only grow.

Food. They needed to eat. "Let' go straight for lunch and have a big luxurious picnic."

"I don't know, it looks like rain. Pilot will want his walk, but I don't think we should be out so long or we will get drenched."

He imagined peeling off her clothes after she had gotten all wet, breathing heat into her cool wet skin. This was so not helping "Picnic on the living room floor then... I might just make love to you again, my gorgeous girl," he whispered in her neck, leaving a peck there.

"Alright, I can live with that.. Whilst I'll make lunch, can you walk Pilot?" she suggested.

"I thought we'd make lunch together." He didn't want to be separated from her for more that a second if he could help it.

"You like cooking, don't you?" She snuggled against him.

He nodded."It gives me a chance to make something again, however menial. And the importance is taste, not looks, so I don't need to see exactly what I am doing." Creating something was part of the man he once was, though he honestly had never done more than boiled a kettle before he had met Janey.

"I like having you in the kitchen too. But my ankle is a bit dodgy this morning, I don't think it's up for a long walk. I can still cook though. So we can eat once you get back."

He wondered if had pushed her too far last night and this morning. It was hard to hold back when she was in his arms, though. "If it's too much, I can do both."

"I'll be fine..." she promised.

He wasn't sure and gave her a doubtful look.

"If I can't stand up any more, I'll take a seat and wait till you get back to let you finish, alright?" she assured him.

He kissed her deeply once more. "I'll be back as soon as I can, gorgeous." He really wanted to stay, but poor Pilot needed his walk, and he loved the dog almost as much as it's mistress.

Luckily for Thomas, Pilot was quick about his business and wanted to go home straight after. Neither could wait to get back to the woman they both loved.

Janey, however, had found the package in the meantime."Thomas, what is this?"

"What is what?" he said, playing dumb. There was, of course, always a chance she had found something else. But it didn't help that he felt a blush rise to his cheeks.. He couldn't lie, not to her.

"There is a dress on your desk in the living room. Thomas..." She was waiting for what he had to say for himself. It was almost like she was asking him whether he had bought it for someone else.

"I know what you are going to say, but you deserve it. Your dress got ripped saving me, and you deserved something new. And since you turned down all my offers, I had to take matters into my own hands." It wasn't much of an excuse, but there it was.

"So this is not some sort of payment for last night? I thought..." she wavered.

"What?" He was usually pretty good in judging her mood by the sound of her voice.

"That you were paying me off or something. Like one would do with... a lady of loose morals."

How could she even think that? "Of course not! I can never repay you for last night... for making me the happiest man on earth. This dress is a thank you for all you have done, apart from last night. Your dress took careful planning. I had Catherine go to the village haberdashery has your sizes and let her order a dress that she thought would look beautiful on you. I have no idea what it looks like, except that it should be green... You do like it, I hope?"

"It's gorgeous... Far too pretty for the likes of me."

He shook his head. "Nothing is too pretty for the likes of you. I would buy you a dozen more dresses if you let me."

She immediately started protesting. "I won't be a kept woman. I don't want your money. I don't want to be beholden to anyone."

"Janey, my sweet Janey. I know you don't want me for my money. And you don't owe me anything. I just … love you. I want to take care of you. I want to do anything to make you happy."

"It's not right..."

He so desperately wanted her to understand why he did it. So he pushed her. "Why not? You take care of me.."Why not? You take care of me.

"That's different. You pay me for that."

"Is that the only reason you do it? Would that stop if I ran out of money? Would you just run away and leave me?"

He knew the answer before she said it. "No, of course not. I love you. And if we had nothing, I would still love you."

"I've been poor. Not any more though, as you have pointed out more than once. And so far I haven't done much with my wealth. All I ever wanted to do when I dreamed of getting rich was treat the people I loved. Which is you now. So let me treat you as well as love you. It's a selfish thing. Nothing makes me happier than you being happy. Please. Go try on your dress for me, and feel pretty in it. Don't care about practicality. Enjoy it. I can always buy you a dozen more. But I'm NOT buying your love, understood? When I give you something, it comes with no strings attached."

"You... You're... impossible," she breathed.

"I'll consider than a compliment," he smiled. After all, he had been called far worse.

* * *

 _BineysThomas: Yes, I think we all would have liked for Thomas to make it out alive. Though I get the symbolism of it._

 _TheLadyBookworm: I'm very glad you liked it, and yes we would all love our own Thomas... or Tom, I'm not fussy. I already suggested cloning._

 _Smithsbabe65: It's very important to me Thomas finds his strenght, seeing it has eluded him for so long. I feel Lucille's torment was physical, where Thomas was mentally, and for him it did not stop when his parents died. Lucille may have meant well in the beginning, but she kept him down just as much as their parents did. So, did you like Laing?_


	23. Chapter 23

He really was impossible – impossibly kind, that was. She hugged him tightly, berating herself for her behaviour. "Thank you." Going upstairs, she changed into her new dress and looked at herself in the mirror. The effect was astonishingly dramatic. Softly, she caressed the deep green satin. The fabric flowed, though it hugged her at the same time. It was no good for housework – she would be too afraid to spoil it. But she looked... absolutely beautiful. She had never felt like this – she was a lady, not a maid, in this dress. She could hardly believe it when she looked at herself.

At the bottom of the stairs, Thomas was waiting for her. Even though he couldn't see he was beaming at her. "Does it fit?"

"Yes, perfectly. Thank you. It's gorgeous," she said, hugging him tightly.

His arms encircled her waist.. She felt so feminine, so pretty. "I wish I could see you. You sound gorgeous. But the dress is mainly down to Catherine. Come on, time for breakfast – you must be very hungry."

He had finished making tea for her and put everything on the floor in the living room, like a real picnic. They finally ate.. She had to admit she was famished. And a bit exhausted maybe, too, after two weeks of doing nearly nothing because of her ankle, and then having the night of her dreams with this sweet angel. He did everything for her.

She needed make it up to him She had been so… unkind. When all he wanted to do was make her happy. "Thomas... I really mean it... Thank you so much. I'm sorry, I'm not used to people caring for me..."

He wrapped an arm around her as he drank his tea with the other. She loved being this close to him and couldn't suppress a need to be even closer. Was this love? Not being able to get enough of the other person?"

"It's alright. I wasn't that used to it either, until you showed up and gave me my life back. And made me far happier than I deserve," he whispered in her ear.

She turned around towards him, cupping his face."Thomas! Listen to me! You are very much worthy of happiness, and more."

"And so are you. So please, let me take care of you? I don't expect a commitment of any kind. I can understand fully why you don't want to get married. It's alright, I love you no matter what. Let's just be happy, together." There was a kiss placed on her bare shoulder, which the dress so beautifully framed. She felt like a princess, and he was a prince. Then again, she had felt like a queen in his arms last night.

"I don't need dresses for that though, or anything else. I just need you."

"And I you. But I like taking care of you, and spoiling you."

She didn't know what to say, so she just kissed him. Happiness. It had always seemed so distant – so much so that she had stopped thinking about it, stopped seeing it as even a possibility. But yet... She was undeniably happy, here with him. Had she made a mistake by rejecting his proposal? Was she going to regret it in the long run? Was he going to use her and then spit her out? No, not Thomas. His only fault was too much loyalty, to people that had not deserved it. Had she deserved it? All she had done was her job... With great love and care, true. She loved this man – she could not help herself. From the moment she had walked in here, his gentility had been overwhelming. He might not have been what Edith had looked for in a man. She sought someone strong to oppose her, to fire her up and set her aflame. Thomas was nothing of that. He was terrible at opposing anybody, afraid of crossing them. Not because he was afraid of someone hurting him, but of him hurting someone else. And it was exactly that which had attracted Janey to him. Others saw a coward, but he was not. He was the bravest man she had ever known, and the kindest... and the most passionate.

He was kissing her neck, letting his lips roam gently over her skin. There was no haste, though there certainly was an urge – she could feel that pressed against he thigh. How could she have ever conceived love could be this beautiful, with the examples she had had. She didn't fear him, even though reason almost demanded she should. She knew all the terrible things people thought he had done. She knew he had abandoned three wives to the mercy of his sister, and yet... he had done that out of love as well... and she knew what that felt like.

She would have done anything for her mother, right up till the point she had been kicked out of the house. The fact was, though, that, after murdering her father, her mother had lost the power to love – not that there had been much to start with, but up till then, she had always protected Janey, like a wolf guarding her cub. Because of that, Janey had never really learned what love was. What if it turned out she was incapable?

"Janey, what's wrong?" Thomas asked. See, it had already started. He was giving his affection and she had turned to thoughts of a horrific nature.

"Nothing." Her voice was strained, though, and, of all people, he would be able to tell. Of course, he was.

"You can tell me. You can tell me anything." He was looking at her with a pained, pleading expression.

"My mother wasn't able to love... What if I'm not either?" she whispered, her eyes nearly watering.

To her complete bewilderment, he started to laugh.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

He hugged her as tightly to his chest as he possibly could."Janey, that's nonsense. If I am certain of one thing, it is that you are very capable of love."

"But... I don't know how to love," she protested.

"You do know.. You love me. No one else did. I have been loved for my title, my looks, excitement, even for the man they thought I was. My sister... I believe more and more that I was a possession to her, rather than that she loved me. SHE was incapable of love, too filled by hate instead. You though, see me, for all that I am, and you still see a man you can love. You are more capable of love than anyone I know. You did not give up because you saw a broken man, you loved me in spite of it all."

"I loved you because of it. You are no more broken than me. But I carry a lot less resentment. I don't know how to forgive people." Good people didn't do that.

"You forgave me. Most people couldn't."

"You never did me wrong. Why should I hold a grudge?"

"Ask the villagers that had ransacked this house before you arrived. I carry resentment too. I feel angry that people act like that. That's why I am afraid to let them. You are not, though. You go out there and..."

"Give 'em hell?" she interrupted him. "Oh Thomas, I'm just as scared as you, most of the time. I just hide it differently. You though... You gave me back my faith in humanity."

"And you did the same for me. Don't we make a fine pair?" He was still smiling at her. He was her strength, and she was his.

Janey felt choked with emotions, so she could only nod against his shoulder. She held on to him tighter, which put him off balance, and his foot knocked into the side table. The table wobbled and then fell over, taking with it Thomas' digger model. Janey screamed and tried to catch it, but was too late. It crashed to the floor and was smashed to pieces.

Thomas first reaction was to pull her closer, to shield her. "Are you alright, Janey?"

"No!..." she cried out confused, "I mean, yes. But the beautiful model you made... It's broken... Oh Thomas, I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter. Now, what did you say again about saying sorry for things that aren't our fault?"

Now he was repeating her words back to her? It was like their roles had been reversed – he was a force that was strong and steady, whilst she felt in utter turmoil. But he was right. No one knew what the future would bring. However, they both were more than capable of dealing with adversity. What she now needed to do, though, was to learn and to live with prosperity, for however long it lasted.

"We will try and mend it, alright?" Just like their souls.

* * *

 _Sparky She-Demon: I don't think Thomas needs to stay weak. And in some ways he never was. He survived all those years. That alone takes strenght._

 _Zoe: Well I think you won't get your heart broken this time... Probably... Most likely_

 _Smithsbabe65: I like to think that because Thomas is so used to pain he is quick to spot it in others and he allows room for it. He is grateful for the love he gets from Janey, and is not gonna pressure her._


	24. Chapter 24

Could life get any better than this? Thomas had finally let go of his feelings of imminent disaster. They didn't help. Yes, he still had a hard time believing Janey loved him. But she was there when he fell asleep... and was still there when he woke up in the morning, waking him with a kiss.

She was so loving... she had no idea. More loving than all of his wives and his sister put together, though he hated comparing them. Janey was pure. She wasn't innocent. Too much had happened to her to call her that. She knew the dark side of life too well. Or, rather, she was innocent but not naive. Pure fitted her perfectly though – she was honest and truthful.

Now that they could openly talk about what had happened to them in their lives, it took away the tension... It even slightly eased his guilt, though he still knew he was at fault for not putting a stop to it sooner. Janey had taught him, though, that what was done, was done. If he wanted to truly make her happy, he had to strive for happiness himself.

He put his arms around her, kissing her neck. She let out a tired sigh, and he had a pretty good idea of what was the matter.

"What's wrong?" he asked anyway, kissing her neck again and again until she turned around.

She had been looking at the broken model all morning, trying to fix it. It was sweet, but it wasn't necessary. "I don't know how to put this back together again, Thomas. I'm sor... Well, I …" she stumbled, trying not to apologise.

He smiled, hoping it would rub off on her. "Hard, isn't it? Not apologising."

"Your machine model was beautiful, and it was something you had made. So, it was dear to me. I loved watching the detail of it. Even though I didn't know what it was for."

"It's a digger to pull up the clay. It is what I made my fortune with. Edith took it in production after... well, everything. Our divorce, my... accident." You couldn't really call it an accident, but it was too hard to call it an attack. After all, it was still his sister who had done it.

Janey put her arms around him and kissed him, like she knew... Well, she did, of course. And she still loved him.

"Edith paid me very well for the machine, as well as for mining the clay at my ancestral home," he continued to explain.

"I know. Well, then it's even more important this model gets fixed. It represents how far you have come through hard work. It's something to be proud of," she said, turning back to the table.

"Let me try. I made every part of that machine. Maybe I don't need to see it to mend it." If he was honest, the machine did not mean much to him. It was part of his old life... the hardship... the pain. He had loved making it –,he loved creating things – but, without his eyes, it had little value. It was but a mere trinket.

In touching it though, it was like he could see it again. He knew every little part and where it belonged. The images flowed together in his mind in three-dimensional shapes, Before he knew it, he was putting it back together again bit by bit, explaining every little detail to Janey as he went along. She had to be bored to death, but every time he stopped, she started asking more questions. She cared, so much... And he cared so much about her that he wanted to give her everything she wanted. Yet, all she seemed to want was him.

He took a minute just to take her in his arms and kiss her breathless. The sound she made, the yearning moan, it was music to his ears... he loved her almost too much. The day she would leave him, he would die. But she was here, in his arms now, he reminded himself.

"Don't ever leave me..." he whispered softly.

"Why would I leave you?"

Because he wasn't worthy. Because he had allowed monstrous things to happen. Janey seemed to have forgiven him for it, but he would never be able to do that.

Still, he would not let it taint her life. As long as he could make one person happy, make her happy, that brought him more happiness than he had ever imagined he could find. If only there was a way to secure that happiness. As long as she did not marry him, if anything happened to him, she was entitled to nothing. It worried him and, even though he didn't want to push her, he wanted to do something to protect her. But what could he do?

He had no idea of the state of his financials. He was well off, Janey had told him. He shuddered to think what Mrs. Allsop had done with his money in the years she had lived with him "How rich am I?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Well, you told me a few times I could afford anything I wanted, live in a castle even, but I have never asked how rich that is."

"Why do you want to know? Do you want to move away?" There was worry in her voice.

"Not really. I'm very happy here. The happiest I have ever been. I have become quite fond of this house lately, since you made those changes." He couldn't imagine himself living anywhere else any more. This place had become part of him. And not like Allerdale, which had felt like a hangman's noose. This home was a happy home.

"Good, because I love it here too," Janey hugged him in relief.

"I was just thinking, though. My needs are simple. You... Well, every time I try to spend money on you, you refuse me..."

"I'm perfectly happy as I am, here with you," she cut him off.

"I know... I would like to make some provisions for you though, in case something happens to me. I want you to be financially sound so you wouldn't have to worry. I understand your reservations about marriage, but I want to make sure you are taken care of."

"Are you alright? You're not ill, are you?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. Never been better.. Never happier. Happiness without impending doom. It feels alien... It's like I'm waiting for..." The words stopped there. If he said it out loud, it might happen.

"The other shoe to drop..." she added. "I feel it too. I always thought I didn't care what my mother said to me. She called me unworthy for so long, in so many ways. But I thought I had risen above that. I had told myself that she was a spiteful old woman, and she was wrong. But... I'm scared now that she was right. And that you won't find me loveable."

He could set her heart at ease –,that would never happen. "I love you more than words can say, Janey. You are all that matters to me."

"For now," she softly whispered.

He hugged her tightly. "Forever. Neither of us is perfect. But I think you'll find that I have many more faults than you have."

"No, you don't. You just had more things going on in your life. Your parents... They make mine sound like nice, civilised people. And I didn't have a sister who was..."

"Crazy," he finally admitted. "You can say it. Looking back, I feel like such a weakling."

"You're not. You survived it all...Without becoming like them. That makes you stronger than anyone I know." She kissed his cheek and he held her close. Whatever would he do without her? He hoped he would never need to find out.

* * *

 _Sparky She-Demon : I get the reason for his death. It's kind of a death of innocence. When he finally open his eyes to evilness of his sister, his innocence is lost and with that he signs his own death. But still... It could have gone differently._

 _Writingbliss36 : Glad you like my story and I hope you catch up soon_

 _Princess PrettyPants: Things are definitely looking on the up for them._

 _Zoe: Alright I wont break your heart. But this story is about more than just sex, you know. lol_

 _smithsbabe65 : Babysteps for now, but bigger steps later as Thomas finds his stride. I am proud of my Thomas, I am._


	25. Chapter 25

Janey had written to Edith to ask for Thomas's financial records. She knew his funds were more than sufficient, but she didn't know exact amounts. He deserved to know, and she was glad he was finally taking an interest. He needed to take his life back and this was a good step. She wasn't sure how she felt about him wanting to provide for her, though. She didn't want him to think for only one moment that she was only out for his money, but if something were to happen to him... Well, the first thing that came to mind was that she'd rather be dead herself. Did she really love him so much that she couldn't live without him any more? Yes. As incredible as it sounded, she could no longer imagine her life without him. He had brought her something she did not even know had been missing. Joy. And it made her blossom. She could see the changes when she looked in the mirror. She would probably never consider herself beautiful, but there was something there now, a twinkling... and, if she lost him, that spark would dull forever. Which scared her.

Of course, she was moved by the fact that he offered to see her provided for... That she was important enough to him that he worried about what might happen to her after he had gone. But she didn't want to think of him dying – just the mere thought made her want to hold on to him tightly.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked, laughing. He was in the middle of fixing up his model, doing way better than she had. With the little precision things, she would help guide his hand, but mostly it seemed his hands knew exactly what to do. To someone that didn't know better, it was like he could see again.

"Nothing. I just love you." Her lips sought a bit of exposed skin above his collar.

He squeezed the hand she had wrapped around his waist. "Am I boring you? I've been working on this model for hours now, and all you can do is sit and watch, mostly. If you want to go do something else..."

"No, I love watching you work – it's amazing. And the precision you manage to work with... You are blowing my mind, my handsome man," she continued, kissing his cheek.

He blushed. She noticed he did so every time she complimented him on his looks. But it was the truth. He was the most handsome man she had ever met. She could only imagine what he had looked like before... Not that he would have looked at her twice, back then.

"Yes… yes. It's surprising me too. But the machine – it's like it's etched in my brain. I know it so well that, when I feel the parts, it's almost like I can actually see them and where they belong in the model."

"That's wonderful." If she could give this man his vision back, she would gladly lose her own. It was like magic, watching him work, seeing him piece this delicate machine back together. He had such skill, such a gift, that it was a shame he could not continue his work for lack of sight."Why did you start inventing?"

He fell quiet, and she saw a slight tremble in his hands.

Had she made a mistake? She hated seeing him pained like that. Demons of the past rearing their ugly heads. "If you don't want to talk about it..."

"It's ok... As kids, we weren't allowed to have toys. There was a toy room, but we weren't allowed to go in there."

Janey gasped in shock. Not that she had ever had any toys. Anything of value would be converted into booze as soon as her father found it. The only possession Janey had managed to hold onto through the years was a bedraggled picture book of fairy tales. It had been so stained that it was worthless and, anyway, try as he might, her father had never been able to pry it from her. In fact, she still had it. She imagined what it was like to have toys but not be allowed to touch them. She knew about the violence that had happened in his home, but this… "That's beyond cruel."

"Oh, our parents loved to find new ways to torture us, and each other. Mind games were just part of that. In fact, I can't remember a day in my childhood that I wasn't afraid. Not until they were both dead, anyway. And even that only lasted a week or so. After that, there was boarding school..."

"Thomas..." She clung to him, not knowing what to say for comfort.

"It's over. I know I'm safe now. But I started inventing because we didn't have any toys in the nursery. Just rubbish. My sister, she was more bold than I was. She used to sneak into that toy room and play with the toys, sometimes with me in tow. But my father could always tell – it was like he had rigged them so he could see when they had been moved. And then, when she finally got caught, he would thrash the life out of her. Which didn't stop her – she would go back the next day, even when I begged her not to... So I started inventing toys, so she would stay up there with me. To keep her safe."

To keep his sister safe... And now he was trying to keep her safe. That was Thomas, always loving and kind. That was why she loved him so very, very much.

"I'm alright, Janey..." he said patting her arm. "Allerdale Hall is a long way away."

The name was so familiar that she felt stunned. "Allerdale? Near Workington?"

"Yes. You know of it?"

"That's where I was born. Workington. We moved away after father... died." Now it was her turn to look pained. Every time she talked about it, her stomach would still lurch, even after all this time. "He worked in the mine... Your mine. How did I not realise this? You have a clay mine... my dad was a clay miner." It was incredible.

"You are from Workington?" The shock on his face mirrored her own. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" How could he have possibly known she was from Workington? She had never told him

"I can't help but wonder... My dad poisoned the lives of those who worked for him. Made them miserable. Probably drove most of them to drink as well. I wonder if your father might have been different if he never met mine."

"That's not your fault… And I doubt it would have mattered. Even sober, he was mean. He had a huge cruel streak… he loved laughing about the pain of others. Liked causing it too – if he could play what he called 'a trick' on someone, he would be ever so happy." She felt bitter just thinking about him, and a shiver went down her spine.

"Mine too. They could have been friends, by the sounds of it. If my dad actually had friends... All he had was people that feared him. The word was that, the day he died, there was a huge fest in the village pub. Of course, by the time of the funeral, everybody pretended they were so sorry, but you could see them smirking." Thomas let his head hang, but his fingers interlaced with hers and she gladly squeezed them.

"I remember a funeral... I remember you! And your sister. There were lots of black banners hung around the village... a black coach... and you both were wearing black too, though your sister had a bright red flower pinned to her chest."

"My mother's funeral," Thomas confirmed. "It was the first time she wore it, as defiance, because she had finally gotten rid of them. It would do her little good. The next week our uncle put her in a sanatorium."

"I must have been six or seven, and there was a procession through town. There was a carriage and behind it walked you. You looked like royalty. A dark prince... I was mesmerised. When you looked at me, I was sure you were there to take me away, and I tore myself loose from my mother to follow you as you turned the corner. She was ever so angry and came running after me." She couldn't believe it. That boy – that she had instantly fallen in love with – was now here. Was hers. The thought filled her with joy.

"I... I don't think I remember. Sorry... I don't remember much of that day. My sister and I were about to be split up. It was rather all a blur," he apologised.

"Don't be sorry. You probably didn't even look at me, but just in my direction." Suddenly, she remembered the eyes... blue, like the sky. One was duller now, while the other, the one above the scar, was black as the night. But they were still beautiful.

He scratched his head. "I wish I could remember you."

"Don't beat yourself up about it." She needed to change the subject... they had dwelt upon the past long enough. It was over, and here they were, together and happy. "Are you alright, working on your machine? If it's bringing back bad memories, it's fine if you stop."

"Yes. I'm actually enjoying it more than I thought. When I did it in the past... I was always doing it for someone else. My sister... our home... the workers, many of whom had died in mining accidents. I wanted that to stop. I never really enjoyed it, because there was such pressure on me then. But here, tinkering away... It's just a shame I can't see it."

"Oh Thomas." She kissed him gently.

He hugged her back. "My life now is the best it has ever been. And I would gladly lose my sight all over again, just to be here with you. My worst regret is not being able to see you."

"Well, you are not missing much there," she replied with a dry laugh.

"Janey... I know I can't see you. But I know you are a stunning beauty." And that made her blush from her cheeks to her toes.

* * *

 _Sparky She-Demon : Well they deserve happiness, so it is time they got some._

 _Fandomenforcer : I can honestly say I have never thought about that. They would probably get it so right, so they would not return to earth. But Lucille deserves a chance to be reborn in a good loving family._

 _Kaelmona: Glad you like it. Lucille was keeping him on a tight leesh to control him, but to me it was always clear he is bright and compassionate. And I am glad I get to write that part._

 _Zoe: I gotta say it is always a bit weird to write love scenes, but I am glad you like them. I can't give you any spoilers though, so you will have to keep reading_

 _biddle29 : Glad you like it!_

 _.52: Thank you so much!_


	26. Chapter 26

Thomas couldn't sleep. Somewhere deep in his brain, an image of Janey was buried, and he wanted it out. Even if she had been only six years old. He so desperately wanted to put an image to that beautiful voice. Janey was sleeping peacefully on his chest, cuddled up to him. No more nightmares so far, which he was very happy about.

He hated seeing her miserable. She wasn't always as strong as she pretended to be – sometimes things got to her more than she liked to admit. But that was alright – he would always be there for her when she needed it. No matter what she looked like, she was beautiful to him. He simply wanted to know. So, it didn't really matter.

But the fact that he had seen her... That there was a possibility of putting a face to her voice. He had imagined her so often... dreamed about being able to see her. And it turned out she had been in his head all along... a little girl looking up to him... reaching out to him. Well, there had been nothing he could have done for her at that age. He hadn't been able to stop any of it – his father's abuse... his mother's cruelty... his sister's murderous ways. What could he have possibly done for a little girl, whose father beat her and her mother...

And then – suddenly – he remembered... There had been a little girl, with flaming red hair and big brown eyes. While everyone else had turned away their eyes in disgust when he and his sister had passed, she had not. She had smiled at him – a smile that carried hope, a connection... And now she was here, in his arms.

Slowly, the image became clearer. There had been a woman too, her mother. She had red hair like the girl, but it was tucked away mostly, much like he imagined Janey wore her hair now when she went out. Her mother had been trying to make the girl turn round like everybody else, but Janey wouldn't. She had radiated like the sun in an otherwise dim landscape. It was like she was from another world... A sprite. Janey – it had to be.

The grown-up Janey was murmuring. Not a bad dream, as far as he could tell... just unrestful. Still. He needed to know... Gently, he shook her until she woke up.

She yawned loudly. "Yes, dear?... Had a bad dream? Are you alright, Thomas? … Thomas?"

What had he done... This could have waited till morning. He had been selfish, just thinking about his own needs... he could have kicked himself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."

A hand stroked his cheek. "You're lying...Tell me what is wrong."

She knew him too well. "It's stupid, really," he admitted.

"But it is still keeping you awake. Tell me what is wrong, Thomas." She kissed his cheek. He was so lucky to have her.

"Nothing is wrong. Just... Was your mother a redhead, like you?"

"Yes she was."

"Do you look anything like her?"

"Spitting image, apparently...Or so I have been told.. Except she wasn't as tall." There was something bitter in her voice.

He understood. "You are nothing like her on the inside. She was broken – you are not. You are so strong."

"Not always... Why do you ask?" She rested her head on his chest.

"I have been thinking about that day my mother was buried. I think I remember you." He smiled. The picture of her was becoming clearer by the minute. "You were the only one looking at me. Everyone looked away like my and my sister were... monsters. I guess they were right. But... as much as I hated my mother for the horrors she had put us through, I was immensely sad that day. We had become orphans and, though my sister was relishing the fact, I felt so alone. She didn't understand, and she even got angry at me. I needed a friendly face, if only just one. But everyone turned away, as if by looking at us they would take on our sins. And then, there you were. Radiant, with your flaming red curls, bright eyes, heart-warming smile.. you weren't listening to the poisonous words of others... You are beautiful, Janey Peregrine. You have the most beautiful and kindest smile I have ever seen. My own gorgeous sprite."

"I haven't used it much, though. There haven't been many reasons to smile over the years. Not till I met you... My handsome Prince Charming."

"I am not a prince."

"Well, if you keep insisting on calling me 'Sprite', we'd better find a pet name for you, my prince."

"Why? Does it hurt you when I call you a sprite?"

"Oh no... I know you don't mean it in a negative way. Not in the way people used to call me witch... I feel flattered, magical even, when you call me a sprite. Just like you should feel when I call you 'Prince'. The six-year-old me lost her heart to that prince. And she was right. If only I had known then what I knew now, I would have run after you, hugged you, and never let you go."

And little good it would have done. He had been shipped off to boarding school the next day, and Lucille to "finishing school." It had finished her, alright – the last of her humanity had been removed there. He imagined what it would have been like if the little girl had put her arms around him. A warm feeling spread his chest... followed by an icy cold shiver, as he thought of what his sister would have done if she had seen that. He had been hers, and hers alone, after all, and she would not have stood for competition, no matter the size.

"Thomas?" she asked, unsure.

He realised he had been lost in contemplation. "I'm alright." There was a shiver, though.

"Maybe we should be thinking of happier things than funerals. Like the fact that we are here, together. My six-year-old self couldn't be happier than knowing she got her prince after all." She kissed his neck and started pulling up his night shirt, crawling on top of him.

"I doubt your six-year-old self had that in mind, though," he smiled as her kisses grew bolder and bolder.

"True... But this girl wants you very, very much. Make love to me, Thomas." She pressed herself against him, grinding herself against his crotch – and he couldn't help standing to attention. There would never be a day he wouldn't want this woman.

So, he relented. He let his hands wander under her nightdress, following her contours. She moaned and, grabbing his face, she kissed him. She was so different... so much more loving than he had ever experienced. Just like that six-year-old girl, she had a big heart and didn't care what the world thought about her. He wanted to keep her safe… to love her… to make love to her, forever. Just like this.

She guided him into her. There was no rush, just gentle lovemaking, kisses and caresses. As he turned her to her back, he remembered the dream where he saw her, red hair spilling over the pillow. Red curls, brown eyes. It had been her, he realised. Somehow the image of the girl at the funeral had grown up. As if he had known it was her. Or maybe it just was because that girl was one of the few people that had ever shown him kindness, without asking anything in return. And he loved her. He had loved her from the first time he had seen her.

* * *

 _Kaelmona : In the movie I very much got the feeling Thomas stayed in his own world to survive. That is why he never stood up to Lucille.. But this one has grown_

 _Zoe: Thank you so much!_

 _Biddle29: It's only getting better!_


	27. Chapter 27

Janey was not feeling very well today. Not quite sick, but queasy. It had to be due to lack of sleep. Not that she regretted even a second of what had happened last night. Making love to Thomas was always fantastic and she couldn't imagine ever not wanting to be in his arms.

She still couldn't believe this was the same boy she had lost her heart to so many years ago. The only man she had ever dared to love. It was silly – the boy she had only seen a minute at most as he had passed through her village had been her idol for years. When she was a little girl, she had thought so often about him, fantasizing that he was the prince that would come to rescue her from all her misery. Then, as she got older and learned more and more about the cruelty men put women through to feed their own pleasure, she had mostly forgotten about him. She had sworn off all men – off nearly all of humanity, in fact – letting only a very select group of people close. Mostly, though, she had kept people at a distance. It had left her lonely without realising it.

And then she had come here, at Edith's request. A few weeks at the most, she had told herself beforehand. Just long enough to find her new employer a good nurse that could take over where Mrs Allsop had left off. From the moment she had seen him, though, she hadn't been able to leave. The fragility, but also the resilience in him, moved her. And she hadn't been able to help being attracted to him. Had that been because he had reminded her of that boy? His hair was just as black, and now the boy's silhouette started melting into that of the man before her. It was like it had been meant to be. Was that possible? She had never believed in fate, let alone love at first sight. Truthfully, she had not believed in love at all. But she loved him.

"Janey, is everything alright? You're so quiet this morning," he asked, tinkering away at his model.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired. Someone kept me up last night," she teased gently.

He let go of the flywheel he had been working on to turn to her. "I'm so sorry. I knew I shouldn't have. I just... I couldn't let it go. I know it's silly but to know I had met you... It's so important to have that image of you, knowing I will never see you."

"It's alright. I don't mind. I enjoyed myself quite well, thank you." She kissed his neck and let her head rest on his shoulder. The world was... not spinning, but uncomfortably wobbly, like she was at sea. "I'm just feeling a bit off today. I'm sure I'll be fine again tomorrow."

He pressed his lips to her forehead, not to kiss her this time, but to measure her temperature. "You don't feel feverish... If you want to go and lay down, I'm fine with that. And if you think you need a doctor..."

"No! I don't need a doctor." The words came out more resolutely than she had meant them to, but the man who passed himself off as doctor in the village gave her the creeps. "Really, it is nothing... And last night was totally worth losing sleep over. If it doesn't pass, I'll go and lay down this afternoon, alright?"

"You're important to me. You know that, right? So, I need you to take care of yourself," he insisted.

She sighed, glad for his concern but unsure how to convince him she was fine."I will, Thomas. I don't feel that bad. Why don't we eat lunch outside today? The weather is lovely, and the fresh air will do me good."

He got up from the table. "I'll help you in the kitchen."

"No, you finish that model. You're almost done. And it works! I'm amazed of what you did..." And there she became lost for words. Her stomach gave another lurch, and she clenched his arm.

He gently finished her sentence."... without sight. You can say it. Thank you for giving me the confidence to explore the world around me again. You gave me life."

She smiled. "You did all the hard work yourself, do you know that?"

"But without you, I wouldn't have even started."

"So, why don't you finish that piece. Then I'll make some sandwiches for lunch. I promise I won't strain myself." Janey wanted some time alone anyway, to compose herself until her stomach settled.

Finally, he relented, and she went to the kitchen as he continued tinkering. A little helping of bread cut through the nausea and, once she was done making the sandwiches, she called Thomas to pick up the tray, not feeling quite steady. The realisation hit her that she now depended on a man that a few months ago couldn't even tie his shoelaces... She smiled, proud of his achievements.

"I made a mistake..." he said, though, as he put the tray down. It startled her. "Or rather, not a mistake, but I could have made it better. If I had angled that shaft differently, it could have taken a bigger load and dug deeper."

Now she felt simply amazed. "I have no idea what you just said, but why don't you try it? That... whatsit piece is broken anyway, so it needs to be remade." Once this project was done, this man would needed another challenge, she thought to herself. How he could have simply put all his genius on hold these past few years, she had no idea.

"I don't know if I have the tools or the materials," he sighed.

"There is a whole box of tools and materials in the shed – in a box that is marked with the emblem 'Sharpe and Son' – yours, I presume?" she said, excitedly.

"It must be. I'm amazed Edith packed those, seeing the likelihood I would ever use them again was slim." Melancholy washed over him. He went back to a dark place... she could see it in his eyes.

She caressed his cheek, trying to tease back the smile. "She must have known they were important to you."

He shrugged. "To the old me, perhaps... It's not like I had much use for them lately."

"But you have now. Seeing what you have done already, I'm sure you can do this. And I can always help," she offered.

He turned to her. "What about your dreams, Janey? I'm sure being an inventor's helper was not on your list of dreams."

And just like that, the tables had turned. He was trying to change the topic, but he also had a point. Her dreams... She had always been struggling to make it from day to day. She hadn't really thought about... dreams. "I... I don't know. I love to learn. Anything, really. So, I like it when you teach me about your machine. So many men wouldn't, saying it was not a woman's place."

Passion flared up in his face. Not sexual passion, but the one that came when someone truly immersed themselves in a subject. He had no idea how handsome he looked when he got like that. "That's nonsense. You are bright and capable, and I value your opinion above anyone else's. And not just because I love you. I admire you for everything you are – smart, kind, compassionate... So... if you want to do more for women, fight for women's rights, I would gladly support you. I noticed how you stood up to that doctor, who was horrible… And I understand if you don't want to go back to him – though you are not going to ruin your health, understood?"

She laughed. "You know me too well, Sir Thomas Sharpe."

"And I love learning more and more about you on a daily basis. Your dreams are my dreams as well so, if you need any help pursuing them, I'm here... Edith was very passionate about women's rights, too. Still is probably..." he ended pensively.

Janey wondered what he was thinking as he seemed to drift off. It struck her that he had not heard from Edith in five years. Did he still love her? Edith was her best friend, but... The quiet was getting painful, so she started speaking again. "Yes, she is. And they are taking her seriously too, as one of America's biggest employers."

"Biggest employer?"

"She took over her father's company," Janey explained.

"I thought she had become a writer. That's one of the few things Mrs. Allsop did tell me. I think she read the book and drew her conclusions it had to be about me and that I was a monster..." He bit his lip as his face contorted in pain.

That confused her. "But the book isn't about you. It's about ghosts. There is a man in there, but he is nothing like you. Well, except that he is kind. But I don't think she particularly based him on anyone." And if she had, it was probably on Alan – not Thomas.

"She didn't mention me? In her books?" He looked surprised.

"She writes fiction. Which means she might use experiences in her life occasionally, but the story is not based on real events. She told me your story in her letters, but never in public" Janey wondered if she should read the books to him. Something had stopped her from doing it before. It was just too strange. Even talking about her friend with Thomas felt weird. Actually... it was more than that. Janey felt jealous, because Edith had had a part of him that she would never have. And that, in turn, made her feel guilty. Very guilty. After all, Edith had been married to him. And now... It kept Janey up at night sometimes, wondering how Edith would feel about her friend sleeping with her former husband. She didn't know how to tell Edith how she had completely fallen for the man Edith herself had once loved. She wondered how Thomas felt about it but feared the answer. After all, how could she ever compare to Edith?

"So, Mrs Allsop was mistaken?" Thomas asked, timidly.

Mrs Allsop – now there was a woman Janey had clear feelings about. And, if that wretched woman hadn't been dead already, Janey would have gladly wrung her neck. "That woman was just a mean old bat that used and abused you. I read all three of Edith's books, and none are about you."

"And you say Edith is running her father's company, in addition to being a writer?" Janey could not miss the admiration in his voice, and the beast of jealousy stirred within her breast. It wasn't fair.

Still, even she admired her friend. "Yes. It's her legacy, she claims. And the only way she can guarantee that her workers' lives will improve... I couldn't agree with her more," she said, suppressing her inner turmoil.

"I always admired her passion. I'm very happy for her that she finally gets to make a difference. If only I could do the same," he sighed.

And though she admired Edith, Janey thought to herself that any difference Edith would make would never be as much as what the man before her could do. A clear sign that she had lost her heart for good. Well, she could live with that. "You could make a difference... We could do it together, if you wanted..."

"I'd like that," he said, emphatically. "Where does one start, though? Who would I help, and how?"

"May I remind you that you are a rich man? We will figure it out together." Her dark prince had turned into the kindest man in the world. What more could she ask for?

* * *

 _Biddle29: Thank you... And ehm, no comment, absolutely no comment... Not saying a thing, nuhhuh_

 _Zoe: I love reviews, really. Can never have too many! So please continue._

 _Smithsbabe65: Yay, you are back! And you still like me! Our lovebirds will be fine... eventually._

 _I.C.2014: Glad you like it, but to know more, you just have to keep reading, dear._


	28. Chapter 28

The alteration on the digger was so easy that he didn't understand how he hadn't seen it when he had first made the machine. He had tested whether the alteration worked... Well, he and Janey had. Very carefully, they had stoked the engine and then stood back as it reached full steam power. A repaired boiler was always tricky, even in miniature. The pressure steam created inside was strong enough to make it explode if there was a weak point, which could have easily been made in the fall. So, they waited a safe distance away for the machine to heat up and, when he was sure it was safe, he told Janey put it in motion. It worked like a dream, and Thomas was sure it would be able to dig far deeper with less effort. They had to tell Edith...

So, this morning, they were writing a letter with a technical description of the changes that needed to be made. It was difficult. Normally, he would have made a schematic with measurements. He knew Janey was doing her utmost best to make a drawing and to write it all down, but it was hard for her. Not that she complained, of course. She was so dedicated. If anything, she encouraged him to tell her even more, questioning him, trying to learn everything he told her. It seemed unfair. He wanted to do something that was for her and her alone.

If she would only let him. A charity was great, and he knew he owed something back to society he grew up in. His father had treated them like slaves... worse than slaves, even. Janey would tell him that it was not his fault what his father had done, but still... Once Thomas had finally gained ownership of the mine, he had done little to improve their lives, as he ran the estate.

It had been hard times. Yes, he had a title and lands, but the Sharpe estate was near bankruptcy. He hadn't trashed his workers... But he had let them go to bed hungry many a night, when he couldn't pay their wages. The Sharpe siblings had been hungry themselves too, but was that an excuse?

It was what had first sent them on a search for a wealthy heiress. And they had found one, who had been looking for a title to inherit. She had not been extremely wealthy, but rich enough to keep them comfortable if they spent it wisely. The problem was that his bride was not very wise and was very frivolous, spending her inheritance on every whim she could think of, before Thomas could stop her. Thomas wondered if his sister had planned to kill her from the start, or if she had been driven to it when half of their fortune had been blown by the silly girl. It didn't matter much in the end, he guessed.

There was another reason he felt guilty. So far, he hadn't thought much about Edith. He had pushed any thoughts he had about her away since Janey had arrived. But now, writing the letter, there was no getting around it. He felt almost like he had betrayed Edith. She had divorced him, that was true. And he wasn't sad about that, not at all any more.

Which was the problem in itself. How little had he loved her that it almost felt like he had forgotten her already? He had fallen for her goodness and kindness, and by god, the strength she possessed. Perhaps he had chosen her because she was so strong, that he had instinctively had known that she would be the one that could stand up to his sister, unlike Eunice, who had been as silly as they come.

Had it ever been true love? It had felt nothing like the feelings he now felt for Janey. It was almost like Edith had been a childish infatuation, although he had been far from a child. It made him feel guilty towards Edith. He had put her through hell, and for what?

But his biggest concern was that, in time, his love for Janey might also pass. Was it possible? Janey felt like part of him. Her feelings were his. There was an understanding between them that needed no words. It was deeper than anything he had ever experienced. She understood him, and he could tell her anything without fear she would judge him. It had liberated him in ways he could have never imagined. But still there was fear that it would all go away somehow, because he didn't deserve this. And he didn't want to put Janey through that. She deserved all the happiness in the world and he was already so inept in giving that.

A darkness was passing over him, and Janey, ever observant, noticed. She kissed him and pulled him into her arms. "Let's go for a walk this afternoon. We could both do with the fresh air," was her loving suggestion.

"Yes..." he agreed. "This letter needs posting, after all."

"You... you want to go back to the village?" The surprise in Janey's voice was evident. He would have thought she would like a longer stroll, now that her ankle was fully healed. Of course, their last visit was the reason she had gotten hurt in the first place...

"Unless you are scared? I promise I will take much better care than last time. But you are right when you say I shy away from life too much. I want to… live again. Well, live maybe for the first time. With you... Lucille and I lived in a cocoon –-of a big black hellish moth probably, but a cocoon none the less – that shielded us from reality, fed her madness and blinded me from it. I won't go back into that trap. I want to take part in life, however much it scares me."

"I told you, I'm just as scared as you. And I haven't been I town since the accident..." There were nerves in her voice, even.

"I'll hold your hand, if you hold mine," he said stretching his out.

"Alright, let me fetch my bonnet."

She got up to get it, but he stopped her. "Let your hair loose, my fiery sprite." His fingers combed through her soft locks.

"Thomas..." Insecurity, again.

How he wished he could see her and confirm what he already knew. That she was ravishingly beautiful. "If anyone dares to tease you about your hair, I'll take them on."

"It's not proper for a woman my age to walk around with her hair loose. They will call me a harlot," she pointed out.

He knew she was right, even if he didn't agree. "Fools... Alright. I don't want anyone to hurt you. But know that I love running my hands through your beautiful soft hair."

Janey laughed, and let her head rest on his shoulder as she hugged him. "I love that too. Alright, no bonnet, and a simple updo. Let them say what they want about my red hair. If they want to call me a witch, well then may boils grow on their noses! You are right – we should both come out of our shell more."

Fierce Janey – how he loved her! And he wanted to keep her safe. "If you feel too uncomfortable about it, I don't want to push you." Maybe he had already pushed her too far today?

"No, you challenge me. And that's a good thing. You are not the only one that has past demons to battle. I just had them so well hidden that I had almost forgotten about them."

"I'm sorry for reminding you," he sighed.

"No, it was necessary. It was holding me back without knowing it." There was a little strain in her voice. She wanted to go, but he held her hand just that little longer, indecisive about whether he would let her get on with things, or if he would pull her back in his arms. Then she sniffed.

"Are you alright, my love?"

There was another sniff. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He ran a hand over her cheek, which was wet with tears, and pulled her into his arms. She had gone from laughing to tears in mere minutes, and it worried him. This was not like Janey – she was definitely the more level-headed of them. "No, you're not... you are crying."

"Just feeling a little emotional. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just... getting to me today somehow. I'll be fine in a minute." She didn't sound fine though. She sounded exasperated with herself.

He cuddled her close, gently pressing his lips against her skin."Let's have a cup of tea before we go. And, if you want to wear that bonnet, you can."

"No it's ugly, and you are right. No more hiding away. Neither of us has anything to be ashamed of. We survived. Nobody can hurt us any more, unless we let them" She was now nestling herself in his arms, burying her face in his shoulder, and he let her be. He could feel she was wrestling with her demons... his taunted him on a daily basis as well. Suddenly, he was certain that he loved this woman... And that he would keep on loving her until the day he died.

 _Sorry for the big gap, I started up a Night Manger fanfic called The Devil You Know on AO3 (because again, fanfiction does not have the category) But don't worry, Blind Monster will be finished_

 _biddle29: Thank you darling_

 _Hekka: Who said Alan married her? Not me!_

 _TapTapAlways: There is a real contempt by Edith for Thomas by the end of the story, I don't think that could have ever been mended._

 _Zoe: Thomas is a liberal thinker. He was already very supporting towards Edith's writing career, and now towards Janey, so yes I would definitely see him support the feminist cause. Also being suppressed his whole life, I would think he knows the value of getting one's voice heard._


	29. Chapter 29

What was wrong with her? Janey felt like she was changing. She didn't mind the changes – much good came from them. The loneliness that had haunted her throughout her life was gone. Thomas was there for her, and she was starting to trust him –something which frightened her to no end – but still, it was a good feeling. The thing was, though, that her emotions were going up and down, like a pendulum... They were sometimes overwhelming, which made her feel weak and vulnerable. And she didn't like feeling like that.

She was safe with Thomas, she knew that. He would take care of her – protect her, even. He understood her pain... maybe even better than she did herself, at times. His own scars ran so deep, that hers seemed a mere trifle at times. She wished she could just take his troubles away, like he did for her. If only... The choked feeling returned again, and she blinked, willing the tears to go away. These emotional breakdowns had to stop.

The cup of tea had helped, though. So had Thomas's strong arms around her. And now they were outside, slowly strolling to the village, the warmth of the sun seeping into her. She was feeling much, much better already.

The world was pretty, the birds were singing, and the meadows they were passing were in full bloom. Next to her walked a man that loved her more than anything in the world and who was handsome and kind. Then why was there a sense of impending doom pressing upon her? Something big was about to happen, something that would change their lives, and she couldn't decide if it was for the better or worse. She just hoped everything would be all right. Lost in her thoughts, she stumbled, and Thomas caught her.

This walk wasn't quite going as it should. Thomas was leading her, and Pilot… he was leading them both. She really had to get her head together before they reached town, because else she would put them all in danger.

"You are feeling better, right? Else, we can just head back and let the letter be collected by the next mail man that comes along," Thomas asked, worried.

"I'm fine... the fresh air is doing me good. Let's sit down for a minute," she said, feeling a little out of breath and out of sorts again. They sat down on a stone wall.

All this nausea she had been feeling these past few days couldn't be good, either. And then there was this metallic tang in her mouth that made it worse. She probably should go see a doctor just to be sure nothing was the matter. But the idea of that man in town checking her out did not appeal to her. He was an ass.

She had been drinking lots of chamomile tea, which kept the worst of the nausea at bay, but especially first thing in the morning, when she hadn't had any yet, she would be sick. It was like someone was kicking around in her stomach, making waves.

Suddenly, she started to get an inkling of what was wrong. Of course, she couldn't know for sure, but it fit... If it was that, she could definitely not go and see the local doctor about it.

Thomas kissed her cheek, which startled her. "Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

"Yes... the letter needs to be posted, and the walk is doing me good. Plus, I can't avoid the village forever." Last time they went though, everything had been different between them. She had still been his maid, not his lover. Looking back, she already loved him but had been far from ready to admit it. That had been a little over a month ago. Now perhaps... It was a frightening idea. How was she going to tell him? How would he react? She needed to think about it.

Thomas in the meantime had picked up on her inner turmoil, she could tell, as he tried his utmost to cheer her up. "Alright, let's make it memorable than. Let's do something nice. You could get a few extra new dresses to really shine. My treat," he suggested.

She shook her head. "Thomas! You know how I feel about that."

"And you know I just want to spoil you, make you happy, make you shine, and show you how much I love you. I have no ulterior motive. I don't want anything in return, except to see you smile... so to speak." It was so sweet.

"But I just need you for that." She grabbed his arm firmly, looking for something solid to hold on to.

"Listen, you got me spruced up. According to Catherine, I look quite dashing..." He winked as he said it. She couldn't help but giggle. His antics were doing the trick – she was feeling better already.

"You do. You are very handsome," she confirmed.

"All I ask is that you do the same for yourself. And not worry about the cost. If you were my wife, I would buy you a thousand dresses. So please... Just one... Or two. I want you to feel beautiful." He was nearly begging he, and her resistance was diminishing.

"You already bought me one..." she tried. It sounded stupid. He only wanted to do right by her. And maybe she was just hiding in her old dresses. The old Janey hated attention of any kind. Invisibility was safe. The new Janey... Well, she felt like she should make more of an effort to be worthy. Even if it was just for Thomas' sake, and he couldn't see it. It made him happy. And he looked so good, she should at least try to do the same. Plus, if she were honest, she really liked the dress Thomas had bought. When she put it on, she felt beautiful – for the first time in her life. A princess worthy of a prince... Of Thomas.

Worthy? She hadn't even realised that she felt an inequality between them until just now. Where did that come from? Not from him, surely. He treated her with the utmost respect.

"Thomas, what do you think about me?" she asked, nervous and unable to stop herself.

"I think you are the most amazing woman I've ever met," he answered without hesitation.

It was the answer she was hoping for, but still that niggling voice of doubt in her head would not shut up. "I am... from a very different social class than you are, though. My dad was a miner. Your dad was his lord and master."

"You know I don't care about that. Janey, where is this coming from? This isn't like you."

He was right, it wasn't... and yet she couldn't let it go."I don't know. I just... I really don't know. We have led such different lives."

"Yet so similar... Janey, I love you. You and I... We are the same. You understand me better than anyone..."

"But I am beneath you," she whispered, almost ashamed of her own insecurity.

"You know that isn't true. I am nobody. If anything, I am beneath you. You are so much better than me. Yes, I may have a title, but by the time I inherited it, we were as poor as church mice. And it means nothing to me now. Allerdale – my name. All it represents is misery. Is my title why you won't marry me? Because I would gladly get rid of it."

Was that it? "No. That's not necessary. I love you, Mr. Sharpe." The reasons for her fear ran much deeper and had nothing to do with social status. And yet... The idea of marrying him was getting less scary every day. This was Thomas, and she knew he would never hit her.

"So, can I please buy you a dress? Update your wardrobe, just like you did for me? I'll even let you pick it, seeing I'm not much use in that area," he grinned.

"Alright, one dress. I guess I'll have to..." Though, if her suspicion was right, she wouldn't be able to fit in it for long.

"You don't have to, if you don't like." His eyes were begging her to give in though. "I'm just trying to make you happy. Make you shine, because you deserve it."

There wasn't anything wrong with a dress... She would look for something she could grow into in the next few months. "I would like it. After all, with a handsome man like you, I'd better spruce up, or someone else may run off with you."

He kissed the top of her head. "Now that is something I would never do. I love you, Janey. No matter how you look, you are always beautiful to me. Now that may be an easy thing to say for a blind man, but it is the truth."

"Love you too."


	30. Chapter 30

The carriage Thomas and Janey were in was rattling towards Allerdale Hall. About four more hours the journey would take, – they would arrive by nightfall. Edith was already there, waiting for them. She had arranged lodgings and would be there personally to meet them. It felt surreal. He hadn't thought this day would ever come but, as soon he had gotten her message, he knew he had no choice other than to go. Two days after they had sent the letter with an explanation of the improvements that needed to be made to the machine, an urgent telegram from Edith had arrived, telling him about the disaster that had struck the Sharpe Clay Mine. With the demands for the red clay running high, the dig had gone deeper and deeper, until finally...

According to the telegram, there had been quite an accident. Ten wounded. Amazingly, there had been no deaths, but one man had lost a leg, meaning that he could no longer work in the mine – another family left without a provider. Thomas made a mental note that, once he was there, he would make sure the man was compensated.

The incident had happened over two weeks ago, and the mine had not been in production since, which meant no income for the other families, either. Repairs were being made to the machine, but … it wasn't going as well as expected. Edith, who at the time had already been in London – he wondered if Janey had known this – had gone down to the mine to see if she could help, but there was little she could do, except reassure them their jobs weren't lost... and she couldn't guarantee that, to be fair. Not if the machine had been lost.

Most of the clay deposits now lay deeper than Thomas had reckoned with when he had originally build his contraption. Plus, mending the machine was much harder than they had expected. Of course, this was not the standard machine that was now being produced in the Cushing factory and shipped all over the world. There were no spare parts – everything had originally been handmade by Thomas, so every part had to be remade like the original, and the one man that knew how – Thomas himself – was blind. He had no idea how much help he would be but, seeing Edith had personally asked for him, he was going to try to do some good. Plus, he owed it to his workers. Yes, officially, the men were employed by Cushing Co. but these were the men that had worked for his father... Thomas owed them a debt, and he was going to do his utmost to repay them.

That was why he had come. It frightened him. It gave him nightmares – they had been terrible the past few nights, although he had tried to spare Janey, who seemed to have her own demons to deal with at the moment. She clung to him at night, thrashing and talking in her sleep.. Gibberish mostly, but it was clear that she was afraid of something. He could only imagine what she was dreaming about...

It had started before they had known about Allerdale, and, when he had asked her about it, she had not answered him but changed the subject... which worried him even more. He wondered if he had done something to set them off. Maybe he shouldn't have dragged her with him to Allerdale. She had plenty of demons herself waiting for her once they reached Workington. But he needed her, in more ways than one, and he couldn't go alone.

The accident had been on the same day the model had fallen. It had been a sign... he was sure of it. Allerdale was calling him back. And this time, he had to conquer his past, or it would forever haunt him. He was not the man he had been back then. He had grown, though most of that growth had happened in the past few months since Janey had come. Five years he had spent repenting his sins, but nothing constructive had come of it. He had wallowed and hidden himself in guilt and shame. How had that made the world any better?

Because he was blind, he had considered himself useless. Without Janey, he probably would still be. But her encouragement had made the difference. And with that, he had gained a confidence he never knew he had. The blindness was almost a blessing. Without it, Janey would never have come into his life. She was huddled close to him in the carriage, holding his hand. He counted his blessings, with Pilot lying at their feet. The dog didn't like the cramped space and softly whined. Still, they couldn't have left the poor beast behind.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, barely audible over the rattling of the wheels. The carriage was plush – at least, it felt like that, and it had been sent to pick them up by Edith.

"I'm fine," she whispered

"You weren't sick again this morning, were you?" She had been sick all week, which worried him, but she had insisted nothing was wrong and would not see a doctor. He wasn't going to push it but still... Maybe she should have stayed home. Maybe he should have gone alone... Though leaving her when she wasn't feeling well would not have been an option either.

"I'm fine, really."

"Are you scared?"

"No." It sounded too sure.

"It's alright, I'm afraid too," he comforted her.

"Thomas, I don't know how to tell you this..." The carriage lurched over a particularly large hump, and she couldn't finish her sentence.

"Don't worry. I'm not looking forward to this. So many memories... so few of them good. But I need to do this. I owe it to those workers to fix it. It's my duty. But, once it's done, I'm taking you home and spoiling you rotten. And you'll be fine. Edith is there too, and you are friends, right? She will be delighted to see you."

"Yes..." Even more doubt.

"What's wrong?" Suddenly he realised what it was. And he was worried about it too.

"How do I tell her that I'm in love with her husband? It feels like a betrayal."

"I'm sure she doesn't mind. Ex-husband. We are over, remember?" Still, it was the same guilt he was struggling with himself. He expected Edith wouldn't mind but, for the off-chance she did, he didn't want to hurt her again. Even more, he didn't want Janey to lose one of her few friends. "If you want to, we don't need to tell her, though. I love you and I am proud of you. But I don't wish to cause you or her grief."

"No we should tell her. I will do it... Gently," Janey said determinedly. "It's better coming from me."

"I'll keep my distance until you do. For now, though, come here." He sought her lips. The carriage rolled on, though, and they nearly bumped their heads together. Janey giggled.

"Thomas?" Janey asked. Something was clearly still on her mind.

"Yes, my darling?" He safely kissed her hand this time.

"Never mind. It can wait. Just know I love you extremely much."

He wondered for a moment if he should pursue it further but, as she snuggled up against him, he decided to let it rest. Past demons would soon resurface. She would tell him when she was ready.

* * *

 _Sorry for the long silence, working hard on other things totally unrelated to writing. But I am back! And this will get finished._


	31. Chapter 31

Janey couldn't tell him, not now. Thomas had been fretting for two whole days now, from the moment they had gotten that darn telegram. He wanted to do the right thing. And yet, he was so scared – she could tell by his whole demeanour. He didn't need her worries on top of that. Plus, she still needed it confirmed.

Edith's friend Alan was with her, and she knew he was a doctor. She wonder if he could perhaps check her over. Janey had never met him, but Edith trusted him completely, so she knew he would treat her with respect. At the same time, he was Edith's friend... Would he keep quiet?

Doctors were bond by an oath, but she could not be sure this man would keep it, seeing his close relationship with Edith. Which meant Janey was going to have to tell Edith herself, before telling Thomas. Women talked about these things amongst each other. Maybe it wasn't so strange when you told your best friend before your man. But, then again, Edith had been married to that same man. It was all so complicated. She wouldn't change a thing, but... When exactly had her life turned into a farce? She laughed despite herself. It was all too ridiculous.

"Feeling a little better?" Thomas asked immediately, hearing her laugh.

"A little." What else could she say? There was no doubt in her mind, though, that she had to tell Edith everything. And Thomas too, as soon as she knew for certain she was indeed with child. But not now. He was about to face his past demons, and she could see the tension in his face. He wasn't the only one. Workington made her nervous as well, she had to admit, but it had been a long time ago. A lifetime ago, it felt, though she could still hear her father's hard words... could still hear her mother's cries.

For Thomas, it was much fresher. Much more brutal. He had lost his sight here. His family had died here, their restless spirits still wondering about. The stories Edith had told her about the house being haunted sent shivers down Janey's spine.

At least the weather had been fair today, and hopefully it would stay that way. The world looked cheerful, and the summer blooms in the field were waving at them, their glorious colours taking her mind off what was to come. Yet, those ghosts were just around the corner. Janey started to recognise the terrain and had to try hard not to ask the driver to turn about. It was useless anyway; they would need to stop soon The sun was going down now and, even though it was just a few more miles, it would probably be dark by the time they arrived. Perhaps it was best they arrived under the cover of darkness. She was worried about Thomas. He had not been sleeping well. His past ghosts had not been leaving him alone.

Still, it was the ghosts of the present she worried most about. How were the town's folk going to react to the return of their former landlord? He was there to help them, but they didn't know that, and even if they did, they might not believe it. People here could be harsh. They hated people sticking their nose into personal business.

They loved a scapegoat though. As if her home situation wasn't bad enough, people had loved calling her a witch and a devil's child, blaming random misfortune on her red locks. She had gotten chided for things beyond her fault for as long as she could remember... And it had all started here. She wondered if the villagers had changed, now that no Sharpes presided to watch over it any more. Not that she imagined that, when Thomas had been lord and master, he had been anything like his father... If anything, he was more like her, and the villagers had probably blamed him for all that was wrong in their lives. Rumours of what had happened up at the house surely had made their way to the village in distorted terrible versions. And now an accident with the machine he had built... they were likely to say he had done it on purpose – a flaw set to kill them on a later date. She knew their way of thinking and it terrified her. Thomas was the perfect scapegoat for their anger and, if they were to go after him, he would never see an attack coming. She feared for his safety. She loved him too much to let anything happen to him. She would stay with him, no matter what. Pilot would protect them both.

"Janey, are you sure you are alright? One minute you seem fine, and the next... You're shaking. I'm not beyond turning this carriage around and going back home if you're not well."

"No... It will pass. Besides, we are almost there, and it's almost dark now. It would take us all night to get back. Edith has arranged rooms for us. We will just get some sleep and we will see in the morning, alright?" That seemed the sensible thing to do.

"Whatever you want." he assured her.

She sighed and let him cradle her in his arms. It was another twenty minutes until they arrived, and Edith was waiting for them.

She hugged Janey immediately as they came out of the carriage, greeting her long-lost friend. "It's so good to see you Janey! Your rooms are ready. Did you have a good journey?"

Janey noticed Edith hardly paid any attention to Thomas. It was like she was wilfully ignoring him, even though Thomas was the reason they were here. Strangely, it hurt Janey – she felt torn between her friend and the man she loved. She nodded to Edith, grabbing Thomas by the arm, involving him. It was only natural, considering that was the job she had been originally hired to do.

"Good evening, Edith. It is evening, isn't it? The journey was fine, thank you for sending us a carriage – I don't think we would have made it here in a stagecoach," he said as if he had been addressed. Had he noticed Edith's cold demeanour towards him? He probably had – that man heard every intonation of voice, and he could probably sense the icy silence that followed as well.

A blond man Janey had never seen came bounding out of the house as well and started to take down their luggage. "Thomas, thank you so much for coming. I hope you can help us. We are in rather a pickle, as you English like to call it," he said, sounding overly amicable and, well... fake. It gave Janey shivers, and she wanted to stand in front of Thomas to protect him.

"Alan?" Thomas asked, rather curtly. "So, you're still around." It had been in the letter, but Janey had not read it out, deeming it unimportant.

"Someone has to look out for Edith's best interests." There was an undeniable chill in the air now.

"You're Alan?" Janey asked, surprised. Edith had talked so much about him over the years, and with such fondness, that she had expected him to be... different. Nicer. Of course, so much had gone on between these two men. There was bound to be bad blood. But still... she didn't like the way he looked at Thomas.

* * *

 _StaticMissi : Yesyesyes!_


	32. Chapter 32

When Thomas got to the mine, he realized he was glad to have Pilot with him. Not only did the dog stay close to him and guide him, but it was a comfort to have him there.

Thomas had never thought of Allerdale in terms of smell... If he thought about his old home at all, it was always in pictures... it was like the place was etched in his mind. But now... it was all so familiar – the earthy smell of the soil, the juniper hedges, the rusty tang of the machinery, the petrol, even the smell of dust and decay on the wind. He hadn't remembered them but, being back here, it all hit him, and all the memories came flooding back. Thomas fought back tears... he fought back nausea. Why had he come here? What good could it do?

"Thomas, are you alright?" Alan asked, grabbing Thomas's shoulder in an affirmative and what should have been calming manner.

It spooked Thomas, and Pilot barked. Thomas sat down by the dog and wrapped his arms around the great hairy body. Whether it was to calm the dog or to calm himself, it wasn't clear. Pilot immediately licked his face, and Thomas felt himself relax. "It's alright boy. I know this is a strange place, but we will get through it." He wondered if the dog could see the ghosts that haunted these grounds. Because he was sure the ghosts were here. Despite the sun on his skin, there was a chill in the air. But he had come too far to turn back now.

He was here to help. He wanted to put the past behind him and leave a legacy of good, after all that his family had put the workers and their families through in all those centuries.

"I still don't see how you can help, if you can't see a thing," Alan scoffed.

This man certainly was no comfort to have around. "I know the machine like the back of my hand. It's all there in my brain. And, as a doctor, you should know that, once you lose your sight, other senses kick in."

"Well, by the sound of Mrs. Allsop's reports, they didn't kick in until now. So, you get a beautiful new assistant and all of a sudden you learn to 'see'. I don't buy that."

"Beautiful new assistant?" Thomas asked

"Miss Peregrine. You don't fool me, Sharpe. There is nothing wrong with your sight. I see you walking around here. You can see just... fine." The last words came out strained.

Thomas felt something swoosh past him. Had Alan just tried to land a blow on him? Surely, he wasn't that childish. "She is beautiful. Inside and out. Incredibly intelligent. She gave me back my independence."

"So why is she hanging around with the likes of you?"

"I don't know. I care for her very much..."

"Like you cared for those other women? The ones that died only because they loved you? Does she know about what you did?"

"Those days are over. Lucille is dead... Janey knows everything that happened. Edith had told her already before she came, and I have answered any questions she had."

"And made her fall hopelessly in love with you..." The disgust in his voice was clear, but he wasn't wrong.

He could not deny it. "That... just happened. Her past... we just have an understanding. Don't tell Edith yet... Janey wants to tell her. Don't ruin their friendship… she has so few friends already."

Alan raised his voice further. "And whose fault is that? Her father's death. Marrying you. Divorcing you. She is a social pariah, even though it is all your fault. She tells me she is happy this way, that she doesn't need fake friends, but how can she be?"

He did not understand. "What? Oh you are talking about Edith. She IS happy that way. She never cared about social convenience... she does what she wants. You of all people should know that by now."

"Edith, yes – your wife. Have you any idea how hard it is for her to see you?"

Thomas could not see Alan's face, but he could hear the anger in his voice.

"My ex-wife – she chose to divorce me," Thomas corrected Alan. "Which I fully understand, but that is besides the point. She asked me to come here and that is why I came. Because I owe it to her, and to the workers down that mine to fix this problem. It was Edith's choice to be here – I would have been fine with just Janey by my side." In fact, he would have been better. Everything was unnecessarily complicated because of this situation. Which probably needed to happen at some point. He knew they have to tell Edith about their love someday. But now it was all the more difficult.

"You fancy that red-headed tart, don't you?" Alan snarled.

"Don't talk about her like that. She is Edith's friend, remember?" Thomas felt so useless... Janey was being insulted but he just stood there uable to defend her.

"Some friend she is, running off with the likes of you like a common slut," Alan continued.

This finally made Thomas snap. In one sudden move, he managed to throw Alan to the ground. Pilot, beside him, was barking like mad. Thomas held Alan by the neck. "You want a piece of me? Then hit me! Don't hurt her. You don't know what she has been through." He was breathing hard. Realisation struck about what he was doing. The man beneath him was breathing hard as well, so at least he was still alive. As Thomas loosened his grip, though, the tables were turned.

"YOU NEVER LOVED HER! NOT LIKE ME!" Alan shouted, moving so that now he was sitting on top of Thomas. He felt the weight shifted as if he was getting ready to throw a punch.

Edith. He was still talking about Edith, Thomas realised. Pilot barked, and Thomas realised he needed to talk Alan down, or the dog would attack. "I loved her, but not as I should. My loyalty was torn from the start, and she deserved better. I can never amend that. That's why afterwards..." He paused. "I did everything she wanted, so she could move on. I want her to find happiness. I really do."

"Like you have? You don't deserve that girl. You don't deserve anyone," Alan spat at him.

"I don't..." Thomas agreed. "But Janey does. And if there was anything I could do for Edith, I would."

Alan's voice turned desperate. "She... doesn't want anyone. I try to let her know I am there for her. I try to help her. But every time I do, she just pushes me away. Insists on doing it herself."

The grip on Thomas was released, and the weight lifted from his body. Alan helped him up to a sitting position and sat next to him.

"She is like that – she is independent. If you truly love her, you have to accept that," Thomas stated.

"I just want to help her. She is all alone in the world, and a woman. She needs someone to protect her. To look out for her," Alan said quietly. The fight was out of him now.

Thomas sought Alan's shoulder and patted it. "And she has that in you. But you have to accept the fact that she is an independent and strong-minded woman. That is what makes her who she is. That is the woman you fell in love with, and you don't want to change her. Do you?"

"I love her for who she is, but I sometimes fear for her safety. She is a woman, in a man's world that does not always look kindly upon her feminist ways. I want to protect her."

"And let me guess, she hates that?" Thomas knew Edith well enough, to know that she would not like that. Neither would Janey, for that matter.

"She does. She tells me to go away, in no uncertain terms. How do you accept that, knowing she might get herself hurt?"

"Acceptance of my fate has never been a problem. If anything, I was too complacent. But I am learning to get over that. And I know what you mean. It's harder when you are trying to protect someone. But at least you are not in the middle."

"Then you haven't heard yet how my mother feels about me being with Edith. She says I have thrown away my life and my reputation by associating myself with 'that woman', as she calls her. It's horrible. If only Edith would say she loves me back." Alan sounded defeated.

"She hasn't?" Thomas started to feel sorry for the man. When he had left Edith, he had always assumed it was only a matter of time until Alan and Edith would get together.

"She... she lets me feel like she does sometimes, when she isn't cross with me. We have been... intimate – I can't believe I am telling you this..."

"It's alright." Thomas wasn't sure if he wanted to hear this, though. He felt no jealousy, but it was awkward.

"She never said she loved me, though," Alan admitted.

"But you still love her." Thomas could hear it in the way Alan spoke about her.

Alan sighed deeply. "I would marry her tomorrow if she would have me."

It struck Thomas how unique his relation with Janey was. "And if she wouldn't marry you? But still loved you?" he asked

"I guess..." There was doubt in Alan's voice, though.

"I put her through a lot. I can understand her not wanting to give up her independence again, to any man," Thomas said. Maybe Edith and Janey were more alike than he had realised.

"I don't want to take that from her," Alan protested.

"But you would anyway – it's how the law is arranged."

"I wouldn't... But I understand. Um... sorry for attacking you." Alan got up, dusting off his clothes.

Thomas could feel Pilot brush against him. All was calm again."It's alright. I probably had it coming."

Alan started laughing, softly first, but then louder and louder. It was infectious, and Thomas started to laugh with him. The whole situation was just too absurd.

"I can't believe I just took advice about my love life from you." Alan sounded astonished

"I can't believe you took it... And about Edith, no less. I always expected to fight you over her one day." Thomas cleared his throat self-consciously.

"Well, we almost got there. And you are right. So, you are over Edith? Completely?" Alan still sounded insecure.

Thomas paused a moment, trying to come up with the right words. "Yes, I am. Don't get me wrong, because I did love her, and I still care for her well being... So don't think you can go breaking her heart, cuz you'll have me to reckon with, young man," he said, adopting a fatherly tone for effect. "But I am not in love with her.

Alan laughed again. "I wouldn't hurt her. Ever. Not after having waited so long. I just want her to be happy."

"So do I. And if that is with you... It pains me to say it, but you are a good man, Alan. Better than me. So make her happy."

"I'll try. I'll try my darndest." Alan stood up from the ground and then helped Thomas up, brushing off the dirt as they continued to the mine. They made quite a pair... Quite a pair indeed.

* * *

 _Hint: Don't read all quietly... I still like reviews!_


	33. Chapter 33

"So, what is going on between you and Thomas?" Edith asked as soon as the men had left, which made Janey conveniently choke on her cup of tea of tea.

Of course, choking was never good but, as she was coughing, at least she had time to think of an answer. She had to tell Edith everything, but simply blurting out 'I'm in love with your ex' seemed rather harsh. She could feel the heat of her embarrassment rise through her cheeks and hoped Edith wouldn't notice.

"Are you in love with him?" Edith pried further.

Janey had meant to tell her as soon as possible, but not like this. In her mind, she had run through hundreds of scenarios, but none of them had been this confrontational. Maybe she should have expected it from Edith. One of the qualities Janey admired in Edith was, after all, her blunt honesty, but still... She tried to gauge her friend's mood. She looked so… happy. But Thomas had been hers. How could she be?

"We have... Fallen in love." There, it was said. She couldn't even look Edith in the eye as she said it, though.

Edith clapped her hands, before embracing Janey tightly. "That's wonderful. You went so quiet there for a moment that I was worried you weren't getting along even. I'm so happy! I knew you would be perfect for each other."

Wait... Janey pushed her away, staring at her friend. "You did? Did you... set us up?"

"Well, not like that. I just thought that, when I asked you to work for him, you two had a good chance of understanding each other, since you both had difficult childhoods. And maybe something might blossom eventually. By how protective you are of him, and he is of you, it looks I was right, wasn't I? Oh Janey, you of all people deserve some love. And Thomas, despite his many faults, does know how to give that." Janey couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"So you did set me up." A bitterness filled her. She didn't like the idea of someone trying to run her life. It reminded her of her mother... And that was never good to think about. Thomas was her choice, nobody else's. The idea it was all pre-arranged filled her with disgust.

"Only with the best intentions. And only ever as a vague possibility. You just seemed to fit together. As friends at least. And maybe more." Edith had clearly meant well. Janey knew that, but still her friend had no right...

"So what did you think? Let's put the two broken people together, maybe they will make one whole person?" The idea made her sick. And yet, it was what had happened – better even – both were healed. Mostly. Some scars would run too deep for even time to heal them. But she could deal with that, as long as they had each other. Thomas wasn't here right now, though, and her best friend did not feel like her friend at all right now.

"No, that wasn't it." Edith protested. "I don't know why, but you two just seemed to fit. I thought you would be happy there. Safe. Thomas would never push himself on you, I knew that. He is way too weak for that, especially now."

Edith might have gotten it right that they belonged together, but she clearly didn't know either of them. Janey's mood darkened further. "He isn't weak. He is a survivor."

There was a scornful laugh. "By taking the easy route, closing his eyes for the things he doesn't want to see," Edith said, dismissing the remark.

Janey shook her head bitterly. She had never seen Edith as a privileged princess, but that was exactly how she was behaving. She had been in that house – had she not seen how it had infected them, poisoned them... had she no mercy? "Sometimes that is the only way to survive. You truly don't know what it is like to be put down on a daily basis. To get blamed, even if you have done nothing wrong. There comes a point where you are left with two choices: you either think, to hell with it, and go your own way, damn the consequences, or you become invisible. Neither way is right. But that is what you do."

"And they were? Different sides of the same coins. They couldn't help themselves. Is that what you mean? Lucille the extrovert, Thomas the introvert. Well, Lucille tried to kill me, and Thomas did little to stop her. Whatever their past, it does not absolve them." Edith was cold and haughty, and Janey was feeling desperate. Why did Edith hate Thomas so much? And if she did, why had she sent Janey to him?

"But he did stop her. Or tried to. Against everything he had ever known.. Everything that was safe. Against the wishes of the one person he had loved all his life. Have you any idea what kind of sacrifice that was for him?"

"She was a monster. Has he told you about her?"

"Some, not much. Enough to understand what it was like."

"You have no idea. She was crazy. Killing everyone in her way, including my father. She smashed his skull in on the sink with what Alan called inhuman strength." It was obvious Edith blamed Thomas for that as well, even though Janey knew he had only known about it when he saw the body.

"But she was crazy. Thomas told me how their father hit and abused her. How their mother struck her and put her down. They sent her away for shock treatment! It would drive any person crazy in time. Yet, through it, all she tried to protect her little brother."

"So, what makes you think Thomas isn't crazy? He lived through all that with her," Edith pointed out icily.

Janey bit her lip."Who says he is sane? Who says I am? We live with the scars of what happened to us in our youth on a daily basis. We fight to stay alive, experience happiness, whilst the shadows of the past constantly lurk over us, trying to pull us back. We survive, because that is all we can do. But somehow... Somehow Thomas managed to keep his humanity. I sometimes feel dead inside, you know. I could care less about the world. But he cares. Always. And he made me care again. He makes me feel alive."

Edith looked at her friend with wonderment. "You truly love him. More than I ever did."

"I do!" Tears were streaming down Janey's face. "I loved him from the first day I saw him, not knowing the connection. So, I guess you were right."

"Janey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Edith rushed to her side, placing her arms around her.

"I think I'm pregnant." The words came out before she realised she had said them.

"Thomas?" Edith asked, surprised.

"Of course. Who else?"

"You slept with him?"

"Yes... Sorry." Great. Now she felt guilty after all.

"No... That is fine. It's a relief."

That made Janey mad. Now it all of a sudden sounded like Edith had pimped her out. A feeling of discomfort crept back again. She didn't want to speak out, though, so she shrank into a ball.

"It means he has moved on," Edith continued. "No longer stuck in a past that cannot be. He is finally over me." It sounded haughty, like all Thomas had been doing in the past five years was pine over her...

Had he been? Thomas had been wasting away before. For the first time, Janey regretted not asking him about Edith before. Thomas told her he loved her all the time, but did he still harbour feelings for his former wife? Would he want her back, given half the chance?

"I should have known it. You are looking so much better than the last time I saw you. Look at you... you are radiant. Really..." Edith said distantly, stroking Janey's back.

Janey wanted to push her away. It felt like they were actors in a play. Still, this was her best friend, whose husband – ex-husband – she now was in a relationship with. "I haven't told Thomas yet. About..."

"I see. Are you afraid how he will react? I doubt he will be angry," Edith responded.

Angry? Janey hadn't even considered that reaction. But what if he was? With his background, she could understand if he never wanted children. Janey had never wanted children, up till now. But, knowing a piece of Thomas was growing inside of her, blossoming despite all the anguish they had both gone through, made her want to protect and cherish this life. Thomas, though, was so afraid his family's madness would spread... What if he didn't want the child? She needed to tell him and soon.

* * *

 _Princess PrettyPants: With no woman to compete over I don't see why hey could not be friends... Or at least not stop being enemies. Glad to see you are still reading._

 _Eli: Yes, we are almost there._


	34. Chapter 34

"So, the safest entry for the miners would be under the house?" Thomas asked again, speaking to the men standing around the table in the working shack. The mechanics on-site had easily understood the alterations he wanted made on the machine, and they assured him that they could now handle the repair themselves, which was a relief.

They had come up with a different problem though... The entry shaft for the mine had become unstable, and the accident had made it unsafe to continue digging from there. The shaft had weathered away, much like Allerdale itself, only it didn't have the mansion's solid granite walls to hold it up.

As the men had suggested the idea of tearing down the houseever so carefully, Thomas knew they were right – Allerdale was the safest point of entry. The walls in the basement had been fortified – it was probably the only reason the mansion had not sunken away in the mud. Besides, the house had been placed on top of the mountain, which meant having the entry there would make flooding in the shaft nearly impossible. There were actually old tunnels from the mansion into the mine already and these were, according to the men, more stable than their current entry shaft.

"But... we would need to level the mansion. It isn't safe to enter, and the work we would need to do would only destabilise it more. We are very sorry, sir, but, if we go that way, the building has to come down," the foreman explained to him.

"Right..." Thomas couldn't have cared less about that. In fact, he would have been happy to tear the place down. But, he couldn't help worrying about Lucille – he was sure her ghost was still there. Lucille had always been so attached to this place. Despite the horrors, or maybe because of the horrors, she had insisted on staying here. It was like she wanted to let the house know she had mastered it... But the fact was that it had always been the boss of them. No matter how they tried to repair it, it only fell apart faster, even with all the money they poured into it. Lucille had sacrificed three of his wives to this cause and would have done the same with Edith.

Thomas had always seen the house for what it was – a pile of misery. He had been happiest when they were away from it, seeing the world. His sister would get so miserable, though, that she literally would make herself sick so they would need to go home. Now she was dead, rotting away in the dirt much like the house was.

"It's your home, sir. There may not be much left of it... Most of the windows are broken now. That freak hail three years ago left the roof full of holes, like God tried to shoot it down himself." The other men mumbled, and Thomas had a feeling they were crossing themselves.

Thomas would not have been surprised if the Lord had taken his wrath out on the old mansion."Freak hail?" he asked, wanting to know more.

"Yes – luckily, it didn't reach the town, or lives might have been lost. Happened one night just after we had clocked off. Most of us had already gone home but me and Pete were still clearing up, you see... We hid underground until the sound of pelting stopped. When we came out it looked like a battlefield. Icy stones the size of a child's fist. The machine didn't have a scratch, but the house... Carnage. Sorry, sir... it mustn't be nice to hear that about your home."

"It's alright... Can I still get in?" A resolve started to form in his mind. He would let the house be demolished, but not without saying goodbye. He owed Lucille that much. And the other ghosts that dwelt there. He had to give them the opportunity to leave.

"In what, sir?" the man asked, bewildered.

"The house."

"Well, I suppose you could, but I wouldn't advise it, especially with your… condition. It isn't safe." By the tone of his voice, it was clear the man considered Thomas mad to even consider it.

"I know every inch of that house. It won't be a problem, I can get around by touch. You can demolish the house, but I would like to visit it one last time... Lay some ghosts to rest." He had the feeling Lucille had been with him since he he had come, anyway.

"Let me come with you," Alan offered.

"No, I won't risk anyone's safety, including yours," Thomas replied determinedly.

Unaccompanied he made his way into the house. He ordered Pilot to stay outside, afraid that the dog might hurt himself .Even though he couldn't see, he knew exactly where he was as he made his way around. Th smell... he had never noticed them whilst he was living here, but now they were so familiar... It was the smell of... decay. And it had been part of him for so long. But not any more.

Whatever happened, he never wanted to live in Allerdale Hall again. The place had only caused misery and grief, since the day it had been built. Even the ghosts would be better off – they would be free as soon as the building was demolished, Thomas reasoned.

It had been cold and damp here for as long as he could remember. The attic they had been banished to had been draughty and, as he had been little, Thomas had been sick often. It was amazing he had made it to adulthood. And, if it hadn't been for the loving care and attention from his sister, he probably wouldn't have. She had not always been a monster. There was good in her. When he had been sick, she would be by his bedside around the clock to take care of him, feed him, wash him, read to him... do anything a loving mother did for her child. Only, he wasn't her son, and their mother wouldn't even check up on him. One time, he had heard his mother speaking to the doctor about his health. She had asked him if her son was about to die. When the doctor had told her that Thomas was, in fact, on the mend, there had been a disappointed sigh.

Thomas loved Lucille. He probably always would. She was his sister, and she had loved him when no one else had. She had taken care of him and, in her own sick and twisted way, she had always done what she thought was right for him. She had started becoming possessive at one point though, and it had been so gradual Thomas hadn't even noticed it. He saw it now, and he saw the damage it had done to both of them, but still... He couldn't blame her.

As he made his way up the stairs, he heard a rumbling in the distance but paid no heed. Thunder seemed to belong to Allerdale, especially in summer, though it usually only came in the evening. The stairs were proving harder to climb than he had expected. Even these boards had started to rot now that they were no longer in use, and he carefully needed to find his step. The house was even colder than he remembered – the cold was wrapped around him. As if... Lucille had her arms around him, her head resting on his shoulder. Whispering her name, he made his way from room to room, tears streaming down his face. He wanted her to haunt him... he wanted to talk to her.

Bumping into a desk, he finally stood still. And then he realised where he had gone. This was the last place he had seen, before... He had known she was going to lash out at him before he had entered the room. Deep in his heart, he hadn't expected to survive. He had betrayed her and had been willing to pay the price for that. Still, there had been no other choice. Edith had not deserved to die. Nor had any of his previous wives. It had taken him far too long to take charge of the situation, but finally he had, and it had cost him his sight. For a long time, he had wished it had cost him his life... but not any more. It seemed there was a plan for him after all. He could atone for his sins, make a difference... with Janey.

"Brother... I need to see you," a very familiar voice whispered. There was a loud crash. And then the floor gave way.

* * *

 _Eli: Well ehm... Obviously? I don't think I could end the story without her... But not there yet._

 _Princess PrettyPants: I can only say... Sorry?_

 _Guest: I'm so glad you like it._


	35. Chapter 35

Thomas woke up but, as soon as he did, he noticed something was amiss. This world didn't feel right. It was a dream... Or worse. He was still in the office, and his sister stood before him. He could see her...

He could see, he realised,! but the things he was seeing were not possible. Lucille was dead... but there she was. Pale and slightly see-through, like a ghost, though not the horrible ghosts Edith had described. There was no blood, no gore – Lucille looked as beautiful as she once had been, only not quite corporal.

"Am I dead too?" he asked.

His sister shook her head but did not speak.

"Is this a dream?" he asked again.

She shook her head again. It made no sense, but nothing here seemed to. The fact that she seemed unable to speak worried him, as if she really were a prisoner in this house. Thomas looked around him. He recognised Allerdale, but it no longer looked the same. The house looked ghostly as well. The walls were there, but they were no longer solid. They shimmered. He could see from one room into the next, yet he could not. All in all, the house looked much better than he remembered it. No more broken windows, wallpaper that was coming down, or wisteria eating up the walls. The gilded mirrors had regained their shine, and the furniture was no longer looking frayed. It looked like the house Lucille had wanted it to be. However, it still felt extremely cold.

Even though the signs of decay had been there since Thomas had been little, now the house seemed returned to all its splendour. This was how it once must have looked, long ago when it was first built. Perhaps it was a reflection of how the house saw itself – young and beautiful – not the old and decrepit mansion it had become, like an old woman who could not reconcile herself with the image she saw in the mirror.

He noticed there were other people there as well, moving through the house on different levels. His mother. His father. His wives. But also unknown men and women, who seemed stuck in this place. Some were dressed in clothing that seemed as old as the house itself, which made Thomas wonder if it really was the house that had poisoned them all those years. It wouldn't have surprised him – as a child, he had gotten many a nightmare where the house was a large black moth, sucking the life out of him. There were no moths here, though his parents, dressed in brown and black, looked just like the dark winged creatures of the night.

He ran through the house, yelling at the people. "Why are you all still here. Go. Leave!" He felt like crying, but no tears came. It was like a stone lay on his chest. The ghosts heard him, and all turned towards him one by one. As they stared at him, there was no expression on their faces, as if all emotion had been sucked out of them. All but his sister. She didn't look as maniacal as he remembered, though. There was concern in her face, real concern. This was the face of the little sister that had nursed him for weeks at a time. When she had still been pure and innocent... before their parents had beat it out of her.

"Am I really still alive?" he asked, worried

Lucille shrugged, then gave a small affirmative nod.

"You have to leave this place, you know that, right? It's doing you no good. It's making you unhappy. Just like..." when she was alive, he wanted to say, but he couldn't. "Just like it always has. It poisoned us as we were kids... And then we let that poison seep into us. We did horrible things to keep it going. No wonder the soil is red... this house really is build on blood. No good can come from this place. Let it go, Lucille. Find happiness. I'm free now, I found happiness beyond these walls. Break this bond. Take my hand and I'll come with you."

Lucille shook her head and pushed him back. Then, something happened he had never expected to see. Enola came forward and took Lucille's hand. The hatred between the women seemed gone. Pamela came and did the same. So did Margaret. The women seemed to have united. One by one others joined. Everyone took each other's hand and formed a chain. Everyone except his mother and father, who refused to move. Lucille opened her mouth and seemed to shout at them but there was no sound. They didn't listen either. Both started to make their way to the centre of the house, to the grand fireplace. As they saw each other, their neutral expressions changed to hatred. The fire in the hearth started burning brighter and brighter, until it fully engulfed their parents. And then suddenly it was gone, and so were they. Turned to ashes, it seemed.

Thomas looked at his sister and smiled. They were gone. They really were gone. The first ghosts moved towards the door... and left. They wandered down the hill, out the gate where they disappeared into the light. One by one they all disappeared, as Lucille and Thomas watched them.

"You should go as well. There is nothing here but pain."

Enola, who was last to leave, nodded and took Lucille's hand. He had wronged Enola so much by marrying her. She had not been the prettiest girl, but she had the kindest heart out of all of his wives. Even when she had found out about the baby, she had tried to help. And now she and his sister were finally free. He walked with them out the door. As they left, he turned to look at the house one last time and saw that the walls had started to collapse; one by one they fell, until there was nothing but rubble. It was like a weight was being lifted from his chest.

He turned around to his sister, ready to leave with her, but she stopped him. "Go," she motioned. "Go back." Thomas wasn't sure what to make of it. There was nothing to go back to – the house had been destroyed. A woman with red hair and following a large dog ran past him, into the wreckage. He recognised her instantly. Janey!

He ran after her but his head started to feel different. It throbbed and he fell down as everything went black once more. Weight was put back in his body, substance. Then, all of a sudden, it was like a blockage was removed. He opened his eyes... And there was light...

Searing light – it hurt his eyes, and he blinked. People were yelling, but he couldn't make it out right now. There were shapes, colours... a fiery red standing out above the rest.  
"Janey... You're beautiful," he smiled. His body was in pain but he could not feel it. She was there.

There was a frown on her face – she looked worried. "Thomas, are you alright?"

"Fine... More than fine. It's a miracle. I can see, Janey! I can see you." He wanted to reach out to her, but his body did not want to comply, and his vision was blurred for a moment.

Janey came closer. "What are you talking about?" she asked in disbelief.

He grabbed a strand of her hair. "You're even more beautiful than I imagined... I'm not dead, am I?"

"No, you're not. What are talking about?" she asked again. The words did not seem to register with her.

A flash of blond and blue – it was Edith, pulling Janey away. "Let Alan have a look. He is a doctor. It's not safe for you here."

Alan came into view as well now. "I'm fine, really," Thomas tried to push him away. He wanted to see Janey. He had tried to picture her every night, and now he could see her. No one was taking that away from him.

The doctor took no heed. "No, you're not. Your leg is still trapped and that beam was on top of you."

"But, I can see!" Thomas did his best to look past Alan. He didn't want to see the golden-haired doctor. What he wanted to see was his red-headed sprite.

"Stay still,"Alan pushed him down.

"Janey!" Thomas cried out again.  
"She is here, but at a safe distance. Hold still."

"I need to see her." He had no idea how long his sight would hold. If this was his only chance, he needed to make the most out of it.

Alan continued checking him. "You can't. The building isn't safe and could collapse at any moment. There was a lightning strike that started a fire; it miraculously put itself out, but there isn't much left of the building. It isn't safe to be here, certainly not in her condition. You don't want her to get harmed, do you?"

Thomas fiercely shook his head, so much it made him see stars. He wondered what was wrong with her that Alan spoke of a condition. Had she hurt herself trying to find him? Either way, harming Janey in any way was out of the question. "Just get me out quick, please."


	36. Chapter 36

When Janey had heard Thomas had been trapped in the house under all that rubble, her heart had nearly stopped. A lightning strike had hit the mansion and, fragile and decrepit as the building had been, it had crumbled down entirely.

Nobody had been supposed to go into the building, but Thomas had anyway, to say goodbye, apparently. Janey could understand that – there were plenty of ghosts she would like to put to rest, if only she could muster the courage. However, she could not understand why anyone would have let a blind man go in that house alone. It wasn't safe and, as soon as she had arrived at the site of the collapse, she had scolded Alan for allowing Thomas to go by himself. She didn't trust the man... she hadn't liked the way he had looked at Thomas over breakfast and sneered at him. However, Alan had looked as shocked as anyone – maybe even more so – and had already been digging through the rubble, looking for survivors.

It had all happened a little after midday. Janey had felt sick to her stomach as she had heard the loud crash of thunder, which brought back vague memories of last night's nightmares. She had dreamt that Thomas had been hurt, and… something else… oh, why couldn't she remember? The sound outside had been so abrupt – she had known something was wrong. Lightening makes a different sound when it strikes something, and she could tell that this bolt had found a target.

However, it had not been until she had seen Pilot that fear had really grabbed hold of her heart. The dog had come back to the inn alone, running back and forth, barking like mad. Her heart had leapt into her throat, and she had dashed after the big dog, with a bewildered Edith in tow.

Although she hadn't seen Allerdale in years, as she ran up the hill, she could clearly see that something was wrong. The house had fallen in and there was smoke coming from the pile that was left. Some men were staring at the pile, others frantically moving about. She had spotted Alan, who immediately ran towards Edith, apologising to her.

"Thomas went into the house alone. I should have never let him go, but he wanted to say goodbye before it was torn down. He insisted no one went with him. And then out of nowhere, lightning... Oh god... I'm so sorry..."

Edith had looked at Janey with big eyes, but Janey had pushed her friend aside, wanting to know only one thing: "Where's Thomas!" He was hers. Nobody else's. Edith didn't care about him – Janey did. And she wanted answers.

No one knew what had happened to him, though, except that he had been inside as the building collapsed. They were searching but had had no luck so far. Janey had felt at a loss, wanting to cry, wanting to search, wanting it all to be untrue... She could not lose the only man she had ever loved.

And then Pilot had ran off into the mayhem. She had called him back but he had held his ground on top of the rubble and barked again. She had instantly understood that Thomas was there. Running up the mountain that once had been a house. she had pulled stone after stone away... and then, there he was. People had been yelling at her to come down, that it wasn't safe, but she didn't care. She had seen him – his eyes had fluttered a moment before opening fully and then... He had seen her. Not just looked at her, but seen her. The realisation needed time to sink in.

She still could not believe it now as he sat in his bed and stared at her with big eyes. She was actually in the hallway, as the doctors had told her he needed to rest, but that didn't keep him from staring at her through the window in the door. He had not taken his eyes off her since the accident. When she was in the room, he looked at her like a man possessed... drinking her in. So much so that the doctors had asked her to stay away to speed up his healing process. She had done what they had told her, staying mostly in the hall of the hospital as Thomas lay there, his eyes begging her to get closer. She felt like a monster, and all she wanted to do was be with him.

The doctors had no explanation for the sudden return of his sight – mystified, they were afraid that he would revert to his blind state. Although they said he needed rest, they kept doing test after test. What did they think they were going to achieve? Janey was feeling more and more aggravated by the minute. Thomas had his sight back – for now. If he lost it again, she doubted the doctors could do anything about it anyway, given they had not been able to fix it the first time around.

It was amazing how well he had come out of the wreckage of the mansion that once had been there. Even though the ceiling had collapsed on his head, he had no broken bones – just scratches and bruises. For once in his life, Thomas Sharpe had been lucky. And so had she. If she had lost him... she shuddered at the thought.

She needed to talk to him, even though she was afraid of his reaction. Now even more than before. After all, he had his sight back... why would he want to stay with her? She knew she wasn't beautiful, and the way he gawked at her probably meant he was wondering why he had fallen for her in the first place. She was, however, carrying his child.

Being in hospital, she had made full use of the opportunity to have her pregnancy confirmed with some simple tests. She was having a baby, just like she had thought. Edith knew... as did Alan. It seemed Edith had told him as soon as she had arrived at Allerdale, which had angered Janey immensely. Edith said she had done so for Janey's own good, as seeing Janey claw through the rubble had frightened her, but Janey didn't care much about Edith's excuses. It was bad enough that Edith had known before Thomas, but Alan? She didn't even like the guy and neither had Thomas, though they seemed to be getting along now.

She could see another doctor was attending to Thomas now. How much longer was this going to take? How long were they planning on keeping her away from Thomas? She just wanted to see him, to know where they stood. But how could she if she was condemned to wait endlessly in the hallway?

To hell with it. She barged into the room, determined not to let anyone stop her this time. The doctors looked at her. Thomas looked at her.

"Hello, beautiful," he said, smiling and looking straight at her. She blushed, feeling uncomfortable in his presence again. Would she ever get used to this? She hadn't realized how safe she had felt in his blindness, when she was not being judged for her appearance. Of course, his words just then were a positive sign, but still... She knew she wasn't pretty... not with that red hair, and limbs that were just too long. She wasn't like Edith, who was petite and dainty in a way that made grown men protective of her.

Of course, Janey could take care of herself – she had been doing so for years. But the way Thomas had taken care of her when she had hurt her ankle had been wonderful... beyond what she had ever imagined. His arms were safe... sheltering. It was a feeling that was so unfamiliar to her... she had fought the world for as long as she could remember but, with Thomas, she didn't need to. He was there for her... protected her... accepted her for who she was.

And that man was still in there, she reminded herself. Still, she couldn't help being terrified that it would all change now. What would a man like him ever see in a girl like her? Still, he was there… his hand stretched out to her... motioning for her to come nearer.

"Don't worry, I won't break," he assured her. In contrast, she felt like she might shatter into a thousand pieces at any minute. Still, she sat down on the bed next to him. If only all these doctors would go away so they could talk.

"What is wrong? You don't look yourself."

"And you know what that looks like?" She smiled a little.

With a soft chuckle, he grabbed her hand."No, I don't – you are right – but I know what you sound like. And you sound like there is something wrong."

"I..." She hesitated. There was no way she could tell him with all these people around. "I just want to go home."

"Me too." Thomas looked at his doctors. "When can I be released? It's been three days and I still have my sight. There is nothing wrong with me except from a few bruises."

"Well sir... we would need to deliberate..." one coughed.

At that point, the doors opened and Edith barged in. "Thomas, can we talk?" Edith asked. "In private." She threw a deliberate look at the doctors who all scampered. "You too, Janey. You can come back later."

Janey fell speechless, being reprimanded like that. She bit her lip, wanting to say something, but nothing came. Not knowing what else to do, she shuffled towards the door. And with that, Edith had managed to do what Janey had been trying to do for days.

* * *

 _Guest (and everyone else reading) : Sorry for the delay. My editor was very busy helping me with another project and she had a huge workload on top of that so things took slight longer than expected_

 _Princess PrettyPants: Well, *whispers very softly*, I was hoping for a happy ending... But if you insist?_

 _The Raven May Fall : No amputatition needed_


	37. Chapter 37

Thomas felt rather cross. He had finally managed to get Janey to sit with him, and Edith had just driven her away. He had been terribly afraid to close his eyes these past few days – fearful that, when he opened them, his sight would be gone again. So, he had stared at Janey every time she was near, imprinting every detail of her in his mind – her soft green eyes, her copper curls, the blush on her cheek, the curve of her lips. He could stand going back to being blind as long as he had her image printed into his soul. But Janey seemed to be keeping her distance, like she was scared of something. Of him. He hated to see her like that. He want to hold her, take her in his arms and drink in the sight of her, but she was hardly there and, when she was, she stayed on the other side of the room. So, he was quite ticked off with Edith. Whatever she had to say, she could have done in front of Janey, he thought.

"What do you want, Edith?" he asked, trying to keep the irritation from his voice.

"Alan said you wanted to demolish the house. Are you sure?" Edith asked. She seemed slightly nervous, though Thomas couldn't for the life of him understand why.

"Yes. It's my past and it's no longer part of me. Besides, there isn't much left of it now, is there?" He had not been able to take a good look when they had pulled him out of the wreckage, but he had seen enough to know the mansion had collapsed entirely. He had been lucky to make it out alive. Or perhaps it wasn't all down to luck. Lucille had done what she always did – protect him. And Janey had taken over after that. His guardian angel.

"What about the ghosts? Wouldn't the miners be at risk?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Lucille is all right with it. She left, and so did the others. No one that visits the ruin now will be at risk. Not from ghosts anyway."

"How do you know?" There was a worried frown on Edith's face.

Thomas knew that, if anyone would understand, she would. So, he told her what had happened. Most of it. "As I was buried under the rubble, Lucille visited me. She was at peace. I have never seen her so calm. She looked like she was ready to move on, and so were the others. It was like the house was holding them, but as it fell down, they were freed... And so was I. I never knew how... it was like it was holding us all back. Do you think that is possible?"

"With Allerdale Hall... Probably. Being here is hard, you know? So many horrific memories." She pulled her arms around herself defensively.

He was starting to feel sorry for her. "So, why did you come here? You could have stayed home and saved yourself a lot of heartache."

"I had to be here after the accident. I'm not the kind of boss that doesn't care. And I also wanted to know if Janey was alright with you. Which she clearly is. You love Janey, don't you?" The look on her face was so intense that it made him shiver.

He had no idea how far Janey had gotten in telling her, but there was no use lying. "Yes, I do."

"I'm so happy for you." She was smiling now, relieved, which made him relax as well.

Thomas was as surprised at this statement as Janey had been. "You are? You're not mad?"

"No. Why would I be? We were never meant to be. The more time passes, the more I realise that I might care for you as a friend, Thomas, but I stopped loving you a long, long time ago. You two are perfect for each other. I knew that when I asked her to take care of you. So, when are you marrying her?" She looked pleased, almost smug.

Thomas sighed. "I don't know if that will ever happen."

"Is it because of me? Do you still have feelings for me?"

"No... I... When you and I fell in love, it was with the illusion of each other, not the real person. I see that now. All the secrets... They ruined us before we even got the chance to know eachother. With Janey, there are no secrets. I would love to marry her. I don't think she wants to marry me, though. I can understand why..."

Edith looked confused. "But she told me herself your past doesn't matter to her."

"It's not my past that is preventing her from marrying me. It's hers. She does not want to be bound to a man. I understand. It's not a big deal. I love her no matter what. If she needs her independence to feel safe, then I happily will give it to her... Though I could use your help with making sure she is provided for if anything happens to me. She doesn't want me to – she doesn't want to think about it. But I could have died in that house, and she would have been back where she started, penniless."

"I promise that will never happen as long as I live. You should sit down with a lawyer to arrange something like that. I can arrange that."

"Thank you. It would be a great relief to know Janey was provided for. I know she won't like it, but I want her to have it all if anything happens to me. My family, what is left of them, really doesn't deserve a cent. They could have helped us as children, but instead they raided Allerdale of it's valuables. Janey... I know she would give most of it away, which is fine, but see to it she keeps enough for herself, please?"

"You're not dying just yet, you know." Edith patted his hand.

"No... But I could have. Life is so fragile. Janey can lead her life however she wants but I want her to be able to be independent. I'd give her the money now if she would only take it."

Edith sighed deeply. "I wish Alan was as liberal as you."

Thomas shook his head. "Edith, you should really give Alan a chance, you know. Either that or cut him loose. That man dotes on you. Follows you like a puppy. It's not fair on him to let him hang like this. It's been over five years. If you can't love him, let him be free to choose someone else."

"But I do love him. He just… After all this time, he still treats me like a child. Like I'm not capable of making my own decisions. It... argggh... It drives me mad." Edith paced the floor as she spoke. "I know he loves me, but he can't stop babying me. I'm a famous author and I run a successful company besides that. It wasn't easy taking over my father's company, you know. No one would take me seriously. But I did it anyway. And I made a success out of it, partly because of your invention, but partly because I am my father's daughter as well. It's in my blood. And now I'm at the head of one of the most profitable companies in America. But when Alan sees me, he treats me like a weak, feeble-headed woman. Everything I do, he tries to interfere with. I know it is because he wants to protect me, and I love it when he takes care of me, but he can't belittle me. It's utterly ridiculous and it undermines my authority, completely."

"Have you told him that?" It was a simple enough solution, and Edith was a smart woman. She looked surprised though.

"No.. Do you think I should?"

"The man isn't clairvoyant, Edith." In fact, Thomas found Alan rather thick at times. But the one thing Thomas was sure of was that Alan was devoted to Edith and loved her with a passion. And he was a good man. He had moved heaven and earth to save her, and Thomas was pretty sure he would do it all again if it was called for. Alan deserved some credit for that. "Talk to him."

Edith giggled. "When did you get so wise?"

"Janey has opened my eyes in more ways than one." He thought about where he would be now without Janey. So many times he had almost lost the will to live, only his cowardice holding him back, but now... The world was new, and he had gotten the second chance he had never deserved.

"You two are perfect for each other. You are absolutely fine with her not wanting to marry you?" The way she said it, made it sound like Edith could not believe men were capable of such a notion.

"Why wouldn't I be? I don't need to own her. All that matters to me is her love. And I know I have that."

Edith shook her head. "Alan would never go for that. He wants a good little housewife, like Eunice is. She has gotten married, by the way. Three children they have already. Spoiled brats... even Alan thinks so."

"Talk to him, Edith. He might surprise you." He thought about the passionate way Alan had spoken to him at the mine. He had sounded like a man that would do anything to win her love.

"But what if I lose him?" Edith worried.

"He crossed an ocean to save you, even though you had rejected him by marrying another man. He stayed with you for five years after that, even though you never told him you loved him. You are divorced, which is scandalous enough. Knowing his mother, he must have gotten a lot of flack for that. The boy is persistent. He won't give up on you now, trust me."

"You're right... So, I should tell him?" Was she asking him now?

"Yes, and be gentle. He loves you, but he may need some time to get used to the idea of taking a step back. Like you said, he is just trying to protect you."

Edith threw her arms around Thomas. But it wasn't a lover's embrace – it was the hug of a good friend. "Thank you, Thomas. Now, go find that lovely lady of yours. I know she wants to talk to you. I'll talk to the doctors and get things ready for your release. And I'll contact my lawyer today so you can set up that will. But if you ever do get married, I expect to be invited."

Thomas was so relieved – everything that had weighed him down through the years had been resolved. The scars were still there, but he could live with them. All he wanted was to be with Janey right now. He smiled at Edith. "I'm so glad you're alright with us."

"She makes you happy and, more importantly, you make her happy. Just know if you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down and kill you," she said, raising a finger in warning.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself anyway. Janey is special... Not that you weren't, but..." It wasn't Edith's fault that she had not been the one.

"We were never right for each other. I fell for a man that was never there in the first place. I should have never made you into my champion." She sounded so… defeated.

"I'm sorry about that." He didn't know what else to say.

"Don't be. It wasn't just your fault. I was blindingly naive at the time. You were like a dream, a handsome prince coming to sweep me off my feet. I swore I never wanted any of that, and yet when you came along I was like a lovesick puppy. "

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Its alright. Just promise me you will keep on making Janey happy. She so deserves it. I led a golden life compared to hers. I was always loved. You two, you never had that. That's why I asked her to go to you. If anyone was going to understand her, get her over her fears in life, it was you."

Thomas couldn't believe it. By sending Janey, Edith had shown more faith in him than he had in himself. "You weren't afraid I was going to hurt her?"

"No. It took me a while to realise it, but you were innocent during that time. You were just stuck trying to make the people you loved happy. Lucille took advantage of that."

That wasn't quite fair. His sister wasn't a monster... Or perhaps she had been at the time of her death, but... "Lucille didn't know any better, either. If you knew the things Father did to her... And Mother. And, through it, all she tried to keep me safe. And succeeded, mostly."

"I didn't know." There were tears in Edith's eyes, now. "I do feel sorry you know... That I killed her."

"You had no choice. She wouldn't have stopped until you were dead." He hated to admit it... But that was also what had cost him his sight.

"I know. But that doesn't always make it easier. It still gives me nightmares."

"As it does me." He took Edith in his arms to comfort her, softly stroking her back.

She soon pushed him away, though. "I'll be fine in a minute. I feel relieved, in a way. I'm glad we had this conversation. It's like a weight has gone."

He felt the same way. For the first time in his life, he felt true freedom. No more house, no more obligations from the past. He could go where he pleased. Do whatever he wanted to do. But there was only one thing he really wanted.

"You're sure?" he asked, not wanting Edith to be in distress.

"Yes. Be with your love and make her happy," she smiled through her tears.

* * *

 _Since updating to Windows 10 my internet got dodgy, and every time I try to upload it, it seems to disappear altogether on me... Oh well, wish me luck, the story is nearly at an end._

 _PrincessPrettyPants: Oh just 5 years of catching up... And such, lol_

 _Belco: Glad you liked it._

 _Zoe: I hope you liked catching up. Just a little further to go_

 _The Raven May Fall : This is what she had to say, better?_

 _TheDoctorsTrueCompanion : Sorry, is this better?_

 _I.C.2014 : I wouldn't say disrespectful. We are fiv years after where Crimson Peak ends and they have not spoken since. Issues have festered between them and they are getting resolved finally._


	38. Chapter 38

With Thomas talking to Edith, Janey had gone for a walk to let Pilot get some necessary exercise. The dog felt cooped up and uncomfortable – and, frankly, so did she. She had watched them for a minute, Thomas and Edith, wondering whether she should go back in. But Edith fitted so much better with Thomas than Janey did. Edith and Thomas were from the same class, had the same level of intelligence. And Janey? Janey was just a servant, just like her father had been to Thomas's father. A miner, a maid... People in the upper class only used people in the lower classes for basic needs. Sharpe Sr had never looked twice at her father... But Thomas was different, wasn't he? He cared... he truly cared. He didn't see things like social class... Of course, so far he hadn't seen anything at all. Even if they had gotten disapproving looks, he would have been none the wiser. But now...

All she wanted to do was hide in his arms, but everything seemed different now. She had hardly spoken two words to him since his accident and his miraculous recovery. And just when they had been about to, Edith had sent her away. Janey was feeling quite angry about that, and angry that she had let herself be sent away. Pilot snuggled closer, sensing his mistress's discomfort.

"Let's go back, shall we?"She rubbed the dog behind his ears and kissed his snout. At least he would always love her. Slowly, she walked back to the hospital, this time more determined than ever to speak to Thomas. He was going to be a father... he needed to know that, at least.

As she reached his room, though, she saw them through the glass. He had his arms around Edith. Her stomach turned as her fears were confirmed. Letting go of Pilot, she ran to the open courtyard, where she had to sit down because she had become dizzy. Tears streamed down her face. Her mother had been right all along. No one could love her... certainly not someone like Thomas. She had been a diversion, no more. Now she would go home, pack her things and be on her way. She couldn't face him, not even to say goodbye. Never had she felt weaker.

Pilot dashed past her, and then she heard that familiar voice: "There you are. I've been looking all over for you. If this old boy hadn't come and found me, I might not have found you at all. Have you been crying?"

"Just go." She kept her eyes at Pilot as she spoke, who darted happily at Thomas's side. Traitor.

"What?" he asked, confused.

She wiped the tears off her face before answering. "You've come to tell me you're leaving me. So, just go already. I'll be fine. I always am."

"What are you talking about, Janey?"

"You have your sight back, so there is no reason you two can't be together. I saw you with your arms around her."

"Who?"

"Edith." Was he really going to deny it?

"Janey... I was comforting her because she was crying. All that has happened... it brought up some unpleasant memories."

"I know I'm not right for you. And I am not pretty or sophisticated like she is. I'm just Janey. Even my name is common." Why wouldn't he just let her go.

"Janey, you are anything but common. Stop putting yourself down. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And this time I can say that with the fullest of confidence. You have a rare and unique beauty… you a fiery gem that a man finds only once in a lifetime. You are more beautiful than any woman I've ever met... I love you with all my heart. In fact, Edith and I were talking about you, and about how lovely you are." He pulled her close and kissed her. Janey struggled... she couldn't believe it. "I love you and only you," he whispered softly.

"Why?" was all she could utter.

"Why?" he repeated. "Janey, you are beautiful. Inside and out. I wish you would see what I see. I know people have put you down in the past, but let me tell you: no one comes even close to you. You are not only strong but kind. I can't imagine my life without you."

"Me neither," she muttered into his shoulder. Why had she doubted him?

"So, I don't have to go? Because I really don't want to. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life. You know, Edith asked me why I hadn't married you yet..."

"Did you tell her why?"

"Yes – I told her you did not want to be bound to a man, and that I was fine with that, as long as you are by my side." He kissed her hand.

"I may have changed my mind..." Janey muttered.

"In what way?" There was insecurity in Thomas voice.

"I... I wouldn't mind marrying you. If you still want me, that is."

"Really?" he said excitedly. "You know, you could make me no happier man than in agreeing to become my wife!"

"There is more... I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh..." Thomas looked shocked. Scared.

She bit her lip. "See. I know you wouldn't be happy."

"That's not it. I am happy, but also... Did Edith also tell you about my son?"

She thought back but couldn't remember. "What son?"

"Lucille... became pregnant... by me. The baby wasn't born right, though. It died a few days after it was born... There is so much wrong in my family. What if I'm …" He couldn't even continue, and he couldn't look at her.

"Oh. No, I didn't know that." No wonder he was scared. Would her baby be alright?

"Sorry. I know it's one thing knowing Lucille and I were intimate... but quite another knowing that we had a child. When it died, I realised for the first time how wrong it was what we were doing. It was God punishing us once more. But I couldn't leave Lucille... her whole life, she had been in so much pain. She told me that the only thing that made her happy was me. So, how could I walk away? Anyway, I know it's a lot to take in... You have forgiven me so much. I shouldn't be telling you this. I understand if this is too much for you to forgive." He looked so desperate, much like the first time she had seen him.

"I love you Thomas. Whatever happened in the past is in the past. I would be lying if the things you and your sister did... did not... did not..." It was more the idea of him having been with another woman that brought out a jealous side she had not been aware of... But, with four wives, of course he had been. She didn't like to think about it, though.

"Repulse you... You can say it... Looking back at them, they repulse me too. We were so young though, when we first sought comfort with each other. It didn't feel wrong at the time... Sorry, you don't want to hear all this." He wanted to walk away, but she stopped him

"It's alright, Thomas. I love you, no matter what your past is. I know there are demons there, but there are demons in mine as well. You've got to leave all that guilt behind, though. You are a wonderful, caring man." After all, he cared for her.

"I have. But I don't want to return to the man I was back then."

"I don't think you ever will."

He nodded, looking pensively. "I want you to see a doctor for our baby. Get the best medical treatment. Maybe we should rent a house in town, close to a hospital..."

Men looking at her every day... the mere notion gave her chills. "Thomas, I'll be fine... I don't want to move. I love our home." That was what it was. Not a roof over her head, not a house, but the home she had never had,

"I don't want you to get hurt... Or the baby. If you lose it..." He looked desperate.

"We will deal with it. Together. I honestly don't think it will come to that. But I can't stand the idea of being prodded for nine months. Have some faith everything will be alright." She would do the worrying for him.

"One more thing... I would be honoured to be your husband, but you don't have to marry me if you don't want to. If you are just doing it for the baby... we will find another way. I want you to be happy. It's not like we are ever going to be a conventional couple." He really loved her and would do anything to make her happy. Janey realised what a fool she had been today. After all, this was Thomas and, sight or no sight, he was still the same man.

She smiled as she spoke, though there were tears in her eyes. This time they were happy tears, though. "I want to marry you, though. If you'll still have me."

"For now and forever. But are you sure you want me, with all my scars?" he said, giving her a last option to refuse.

She stroked his cheek, tracing the white line below the eye that would never see again. That was alright, though; now, the other was functioning again. "It's only a minor one. Want to see mine?"

"Later. Let's go home. There, I want to kiss every one of them until the hurt goes away."

The lines on her back ran much deeper than the scar they had left behind, though. "That might take a lifetime."

"Well, that is what I plan on spending with you." He got down on his knee. "I don't have a ring, but please would you marry me, Janey Peregrine?"

"Yes. Yes, I would."

* * *

 _Princess PrettyPants: Just a one more chapter, and it will be finished  
_

 _Belco: Thank you_

 _Guest: Sorry someone spoiled the movie for you. To be fair, I hadn't seen it yet when I started writing. Had read the book though. Happy you like it._


	39. Chapter 39

It was in the middle of the night as Thomas woke up, Janey firmly wrapped up in his arms. He kissed the top of her head. They were home again, and no one could ever separate them now.

"She is beautiful," a voice whispered beside them.

Thomas looked up, and there was Lucille, hovering over Janey. For a moment, he was worried his sister would harm her. After all, Lucille's jealously had been boundless when she had been alive.

"Don't worry. I'm not staying. Your lovely bride is safe. I like her. She takes good care of you, in ways I never could," she smiled, as he realised he could see her as well as hear her.

"You can stay, if you like," he offered. She deserved to be in a place where she was happy.

"No. I don't belong here. Not yet anyway... You were right. It was time to leave."

"Are you happy where you now, Lucy?"

"Yes. Almost... I'm at peace. I see where I went wrong, and I'm so sorry. I hurt you. I hope one day you can forgive me for that." She sounded genuinely regretful.

"I have always forgiven you. I hurt you as well. If I had been stronger..."

"But you weren't. You were weak, because I made sure of it. I was afraid you would leave me otherwise. And you did... Once you found your strength, you were ready to leave with Edith, and you were right."

"I wasn't leaving... I was going to give Edith the papers for her inheritance back and I was going to stay with you. You needed me. She never did. Edith never needed anyone. Unlike us." It was hard to think about.

"Oh Tommy... That would have been wrong though. I would have only made you miserable."

"You've changed a lot," he noted. The old Lucille would have never been able to see, let alone admit, the error of her ways.

"Yes... Much too late, though. I was a monster, blinded by hatred and jealousy... But no more. Marry that woman in your arms, Tommy. She is going to make you happy," Lucille said, confirming what he already knew.

"She already does. Whether we are married or not."

"But you are marrying her now. Tomorrow. And you are going to have a beautiful son... He will live, Tommy. A gentle and smart boy like his father. And there will be others," she promised.

"Can I love him?" Like Janey, he worried about that most. He was terrified that somehow he would turn into his father.

"Of course you can. And so can she. You will have so much love. Everything we missed."

Tears sprang to his eyes. "I wish you could stay. You deserve happiness too."

"Don't worry. I'll be back soon. And, in the meantime, you will be much too busy to miss me."

"I don't understand..."

"You will, in time. Give her the ring. It will look beautiful on her." She took the ring from her finger. As she placed it in his hand, it lost its eerie appearance and he could feel the cold metal press into his palm

"Your ring? Mom's ring? Are you sure it isn't cursed?" he asked.

"Not now they are gone. I would like her to have it. I know you don't want anything that is connected to your old life any more, but... Please, think about it. I would like her to have it. With my blessing." There was a serenity about her that he had never seen during her life.

"You have found peace."

"I have." She kissed his cheek, it felt like a whisper of air, before disappearing. "Goodbye Thomas."

He woke up startled, waking up Janey as well. Had it just been a dream? Coming to terms with his past, he had missed his sister in these past few weeks more than ever. She had been a victim of circumstance, even more than he had been. He wished he could have made it right somehow, even though he knew that was impossible.

"You're crying," Janey stated as she hugged him tight.

He had not even noticed the tears on his cheek until she mentioned them. "It was just a dream."

Janey rubbed his tears away, softly smiling at him."A bad one?"

"Not quite. Just... Something that can't be." It was a great comfort to have Janey in his arms, though.

"Was it about your sister?" she asked as if she knew.

Had he talked in his sleep? "Yes... Why do you ask?"

"I think she came to visit me a few nights back. Was a very strange dream. She gave me her blessing. She was kind and warm, not like... I imagined her."

"She has found peace. Why didn't you mention it?"

"I thought it would upset you. And well... you might think that I was crazy."

"I would never think that. You're no more crazy then I am."

"Well, that is reassuring,"Janey laughed.

As he wrapped his arms around her, he heard something small tumble to the floor. Looking down, he saw it – a red teardrop. The ring. He had not seen it since the day his sister had died, and he was sure Edith had not brought it. So, she _had_ been here. And she had given her blessing. Getting out of bed, he snatched the ring off the floor. Then he looked at Janey. She looked so beautiful... she had no idea. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. Even Edith. Even Lucille... but somehow he knew his sister was all right with that now.

And now, new life was growing in this beautiful woman. Life that they had made. It scared him. It humbled him. But it also made him immensely happy. He could not imagine his life without her.

A white dress, which he hadn't seen yet, lay in the other room. Her room, though she hadn't slept in it since they had come back. This was now their room and, even on the night before their wedding, she had insisted on being with him there.

"It's getting light," he said, looking at the window.

Janey yawned. "But it's still early. Come back to bed." She stretched her arms out to him, and he could do nothing but comply.

Quickly, he pocketed the ring as he tried to decide what to do with it. It belonged to Lady Sharpe and, by this time tomorrow, that would be Janey. But there was so much blood sticking to the ring. Still, Lucille wanted her to have it and that meant a lot. He would need to think about it. Holding Janey in his arms, he went back to sleep.

As he stood before the mirror, getting dressed for church, he couldn't believe that Alan was going to be the best man at his wedding... and that his ex-wife would be the maid of honour. Edith was currently helping Janey to get ready in the other room. The dress had been kept a secret, which had been a lot harder since he had his sight back. He had actually been asked to close his eyes as the dress had been carried upstairs when Edith and Alan had arrived the day before.

Finishing his tie, he checked himself in the mirror. The scar was there but it was far less visible than he had imagined all those years when he was blind. It wasn't red, just a faint white line under his eye. Yes, his eyes were different colours now, due to the damage to the pupil artery, but even though it looked strange, it wasn't scary, which was a relief. He didn't want to be that monster any longer. Janey deserved a good man, and so did their future child. A boy, Lucille had said. One that would live. He took her ring from his pocket, wondering what to do with it. And then he noticed the gemstone. No longer was it red. The ruby had been drained of its colour and nowit was almost clear, with a white hue, as if a spirit lingered inside. It was beautiful. He checked again...This really was the same ring, there was no doubt about it.

Was this a sign that the curse truly had been lifted? Was happiness within their grasp?

"Thomas, it's time to leave,"Alan called. "We want to get there before the ladies do."

The church was not as empty as Thomas had thought it would be. Well, he had never expected to marry again, frankly but, even when Janey had finally agreed, he had never expected there to be more people there than the two of them and the dog. Sweet Pilot still hadn't come to terms with the fact that his master could see now, and still stayed close to him, leading him where ever he needed to go.

But Pilot was far from the only familiar face that was there. Unwittingly, Janey and Thomas seemed to have made several friends in the village. Mostly, they were the suppliers that faithfully brought them the goods they needed, week in week out. Catherine's husband was also there, and Catherine would be there later, as she was actually the one bringing Janey to the church on her horse and cart. This would not be a glamorous wedding, but neither had his others been. This one, however, was filled with love by all who attended it. There were no hard feelings left between him and Alan. Both he and Edith seemed to have taken Thomas' advice to heart, and they were now together. Well, they had been for the past five years, but finally the distance between them had been bridged. He had caught them kissing in the garden after they had been for dinner last night and, truth to be told, he couldn't feel happier.

All those thoughts left his mind, though, the minute Janey stepped into the church. She looked a vision, floating on a white cloud. She looked as beautiful as... the ring and, with that, his decision had been made.

As he promised to be hers forever, he gently slid it on her finger. There was a look of surprise on her face.

"Moonstone? That's my favourite. How did you know?" she whispered.

"I didn't." But someone watching over them obviously had. And she was smiling down at them.

 _Thomas and Janey could not help loving each other. So, two years later, they had another baby, a girl. In fact, they had several more children after that, but Lucy... well, she lived up to her aunt's name. They had thought long and hard about naming her but, in the end, it seemed no more than right than to honour his sister in this way. And even though she had her mother's red locks, he could not help seeing his sister in this little girl, whose stubborn nature could test his patience like none of his other children could. But that was alright because, in the end, she knew she was loved and, whatever she did, her parents were always there for her, to love and protect her._

* * *

So this is it... The end, and I hope a better one than in the book. I get why Del Toro made him die, as he finally saw the truth about his life, the last of his innocence died and with that he did as well. His life was a lie. He was Lucille's reason to justify her actions, and with that justification no longer valid, he was marked for death. So I understand why. I thought however the choice was too easy. For Thomas to live with his wrongdoings, knowing his sister had died would have been far harder on everyone. And he deserved a chance to redeem, not just in words, but in actions. So a "what if" scenario popped in my head. I started writing, and 39 chapters along the line, this is the end result. I hope you liked it. I hope you will let me know that you liked it, even if you read this two years from now. I really like reviews, you see...lol. Thank you for reading this, and I hope to surprise you with another story soon. Because I will always keep writing.

 _Princess PrettyPants: Twas about time I think.. lololol_

 _The Raven May Fall: I had always aimed for a happy ending._


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